I Am Beautiful

Blasting My Heart

(Beautiful Monologist)

"Roy.., what should I do if this is Roy.." I asked Roy,

"Don't you want to get away from Mathew? now there's a chance why don't you let Mathew go? don't make me confused about Ndah?" Roy was surprised by my attitude which he considered plin plan, but Roy did not know what really happened.

"Dad Roy, I'll take it off immediately if my mama gets a replacement for Mathew" I replied softly,

"What??!!! Beautiful don't say..." Roy looked me in the eye with pity,

"Dad.., exactly as you think" I replied,

"Ndah, I will try to get you out of the clutches of your mama and Mathew" Roy replied with a sense of annoyance,

"Don't add weight to your life just because I'm Roy, my future is long, I'm new to high school and I'll make my life choices when I can" my heart breaks to remember what happened to myself,

"But Beautiful..."

"Stop Roy, I can't possibly be your future, your job now is that you have to leave this obscure lifestyle of Roy's, finish your college as soon as possible and find a good job, remember you must first make your mother happy who is now only a widow, do not hope you can make me happy if you have not succeeded in making your mother happy" my message is sincere to Roy, like Roy who loves me, too,

"Maybe we are not destined to be beautiful lovers, but we can be brothers." Roy said as he embraced me,

"Dad Roy, you can be my sister.., thank you for your kindness.." I smiled at him, I said,

"How about Jack?" ask Roy, please,

"Hhhhhmmm...., has Roy, I don't want to trouble the boy anymore, he's too good for me, and my family's degree is different from him, he's from the family of the officials while my papa???, the bankrupt contractor Roy, and the, we weren't worth it, and the way her mama looked at me was like looking at a cockroach, hehehee.." My tears fell, my eyes fell,

"I'll talk to the boy" Roy cut off,

"If you dare talk to Jack, Roy!" strictly speaking,

"Then you'll let yourself be tormented,??" roy asked concerned about my decision,

"No, I'll be happy, just waiting for time" I smiled optimistically in front of Roy,

"Well, I've brought you home now, yeah." take Roy,

"No, I want to go to the dormitory to meet with Mathew already made a deal" I replied,

"Well, I've taken you to Mathew's dorm" he asked,

"Dad, makasi yah.." we immediately rushed to his dorm, brother Mathew and Roy left me alone and continued on his way,

I walked down the family Barracks that were in the Dormitory to Barak Bujang where he rested, after until I met Kak Alen, one of Mathew's friends who was also good to me,

"You looking for Mathew?" ask Alen, brother,

"Dad brother." I answered briefly,

"Come brother interra, let's not be seduced - teased with other friends" he asked, he asked,

"Thank you, brother." answered me, and I followed Kak Alen to Mathew's room, after I heard the voice of Mathew's sister who called Kak Alen, I rushed to open the door of his room at the behest of Mathew, Brother,

"Sir.., forgive brother.., please don't cut off brother's talk, listen to brother well" he asked, and I nodded my head to him, saying,

"Dear, forgive brother.., forgive brother who has taken your crown, brother promised to be equally responsible, and regarding your mother, I swear!!! I swear..., you're just kidding, you don't mean to threaten, see right? brother pas talk while laughing - laughing, sister's oath no meaning what - what" then Mathew silent for a moment, "For the problem on Island A, it's true there are women who trap brother, but there are women who are not, but we did not have intercourse, brother swore, sorry brother hurt you, brother promised will not repeat again, as long as you want to remain the same brother.want to be loyal to brother here..." he asked and I saw tears falling on Mathew's cheek, I was astonished to see Mathew crying in front of me, what a sight I failed to focus on,

"Please deck, now please answer or respond to what you just said" she asked as she held both my hands, and I sighed heavily,

"Huuuuuftttt, Until I will never forgive your evil that has destroyed my future, but my hatred for your attitude is defeated by the magnitude of my love for you, my brother, that is the first, that is the first, and the second about mama....., I don't know what deal and deal you guys are negotiating behind me, sister?!! starting from the monthly money to everything else, I can't judge what about your mother's case and your words, and the last one before I answer your problem on Island A, brother should be honest with me" I looked into his eyes sharply,

"Dad, big brother will be honest" he replied and strengthened his grip on my palm,

"Honestly - honestly!! and I don't want to see you think for long when I ask you questions." I said firmly.

"Dad, big brother promise" he replied

"Okay, Beautiful want to ask, is it true that you have dated in the cold City with two different women according to Kak theo's story?"

"Dad is right" he answered briefly, My heart is broken, but I hold it

"Is it true that on Island A you had a brief relationship with a woman there according to my cousin's story?"

"Dad was right" again he answered my question, now my tears are coming out, but I am trying hard again,

"How many times did you have sex with a woman on Island A until yesterday's brawl?"

"Three times, and the last one has not had time to have intercourse" he replied honestly,

Now that I took my hand off violently, I was so emotional, I hit Brother Mathew as hard as I could because my emotions were overflowing, and Brother Mathew just silently accepted all my anger,

"Even when you reveal your heart, you're still hiding all the truth and if I don't press you like this, then you'll forever fool and lie to me." I said sobbing, sobbing,

"Why do you have to, brother??" I asked, Mathew came crying and realized that if I was going to leave him soon, he hugged me

"I'm sorry big brother.., I'm sorry, don't leave brother, I'm sorry brother.." he asked.

I immediately cleaned my tears, trying hard I endured my heartache,

"Beautiful will forgive big brother this time, and Beautiful will give you the last chance and also loyalty for big brother, we will equally prove who is actually more loyal, he said, and if something like this happens again, you already know the answer and it means that if my future is destroyed later, it all stems from your brother!! because it was my brother who had ruined me!" I firmly and hurriedly left Mathew to treat the heart wound.

Mathew tried to hold me back, but I violently refused, and Mathew let me go, and I walked out of the dormitory with tears flowing nonstop, regardless of the people around me going to my house, I called Roy to pick me up and Roy rushed to come in just ten minutes until Roy found me crying on the sidewalk in front of the dorm,

Roy did not ask me anything, on the way we were silent a thousand languages, and after arriving at Roy's house just said "Be my strong sister Beautiful.." His mouth with a smile,

"Thank you Roy." I replied

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seriated