A Pile of Misses in Words.

Anxiety.

"Ehem. Wulandari is a religious and beautiful woman. Which has a living memory full of dynamics. And I was lucky to get to know him as well. God willing I will be ready to be his priest.

Is Dek Wulan home yet?" asked Mas Yoki in his short message which came in at 21:45:43.

Today was eighteen days before I knew him. Where my closeness and her intertwined more tightly and intensely.

While full of questions with an uncertain heart, without feeling my lips carved a smile. After reading a message from him.

And I immediately replied to a message from Mas Yoki.

" Thank God it's Mas Yoki's home."

" Life is like a book.

Where there is a front page that has a date of birth and there is a final page which is the return date to meet Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.

Which each sheet is the days in the face of our lives while in this world.

There are thick books and there are thin books. There are interesting books to read, and there are also books that are not at all interesting to read or see. Everything is written and captured in detail and complete. It's useful to show how great we are and how bad we are

on every page.

Where on every previous page, there will always be a next page that is clean and new white and has no defects in our lives.

With the intention, that as bad as yesterday Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala will always provide a new day for us to face next. And no matter how much today keep smiling and sure that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala will not let the record in the book of our lives always filled with tears. "

I became very astonished.

Why did Mas Yoki send such a message to me.

"What is the meaning of the message that Mas Yoki sent to adek?, "ask me to reply to the message from him.

"Alhamdulillah the letter from Dek Wulan has come to Mas. And Mas has read the letter from adek three times. It is a story full of struggle.

Oh yes, Dek Wulan has he eaten and taken his medicine?, "reply Mas Yoki.

"Alhamdulillah already Mas Yoki.

Currently Mas is in Solo right, while the letter is addressed to the address of Mas Yoki's office in Jogja. Continue how the letter from Adek can get to Mas Yoki. "

" It just so happened that there was a truck that came home last night from out of town. Where the truck is delivering goods to Jogja.

Knowing that, then I immediately called the staff who worked in Jogja. Say and order. If there's a letter for Mas to leave it to the truck driver. And when the truck came back to Solo. The driver gave the letter to me.

Oh yeah, adek Wulan now what are you doing?."

"Oh so. Surely Mas Yoki was disappointed after reading a reply letter from adek. Mas Yoki may step back or think again to continue the relationship with the grandfather. After Mas Yoki found out all the background. "

"Astagfirullah Dek Wulan.

Why do they talk like that.

Mas please be adek do not always peg everything from the heart and mind adek itself. Now Mas asked Dek Wulan to focus on the next life of the adek only. And away from the shadows of the past.

Whatever the background of Wulan Deck.

Mas remain affectionate with adek point. "

"Are Mas Yoki serious about his words and will not regret it?. "

However, I did not directly reply to the message from Mas Yoki.

Where my heart still doubts the sincerity of Mas Yoki, who will truly accept my background as well as my mother.

Mas Yoki sent me another message.

"Why not shut up and not reply to messages from Mas. "

"Sorry Mas Yoki, he was crying. "

"Why is Deck Wulan crying?. "

"Adek still does not believe it, if Mas Yoki wants to accept Wulan's background is not clear. "

"What does Dek Wulan feel now?. "

"Sadly mixed happy Mas Yoki. "

"What's the sad deck?. And what's the pleasure?. "

Dek Wulan soon Mas adek phone huh. But now we go to the bathroom first. Mas asked adek not to sleep first yes, "ask Mas Yoki on me.

And it was true that not long after that Mas Yoki contacted me. There are a lot of things we talk about. Of course it's about her sincerity to accept my background. Where Mas Yoki was trying to keep convincing myself. If he really doesn't care about my background. Until Mas Yoki and I were dissolved in a new sadness.

At 01:45:20 after I finished calling myself. Mas Yoki sent me a message.

" It's a pity with Dek Wulan. Mas asked for help adek never change his mind ya deck. I love you Dek Wulan.

The more I know Adek. The thicker the confidence of Mas, to be able to sail this ocean of life together adek as a companion of life Mas. Thank you Dek Wulan for everything. Muachs.. Muachs. "

"Aamiin yes rabbal'alamiin. "

"Yes is fine, now we sleep yuk. So that no time to rest immediately. Adek now sleep and do not mind a lot, baby. Mas will soon sleep and dream of Dek Wulan.

Good night Deck Wulan.

Mas dear Dek Wulan. "

That night I went through with the thought of my trust in Mas Yoki.

He was the first man to know my background and my mother's circumstances. It was nice to be mixed with sadness, as he did not question it.

However, there is still a little bit of worry that continues to ambush me.

Although Mas Yoki has tried to convince myself.

I've been lying in my bed.

However, the anxiety still greatly disturbed me. I'm afraid that later after marriage Mas Yoki will bring up my background and my mother's circumstances. Something that my sister-in-law often does to my sister.

The fear kept coming at me, and it made me feel very uneasy.

Over and over again, I tried to close my eyes.

However, it also cannot be closed.

Because of my anxiety and negative thoughts that continue to carry my heart wandering in fear.