This Is Not What I Want

hope and happiness

I looked at the ring pinned on the ring finger of my left hand, then again at Arman lying on the carpet, right next to my bed now.

"Seriously, did he give me a ring?" my inner.

"Ri, go to sleep, don't worry about tomorrow, just if you're tired of one-day school permits?" Arman.

"And why do you keep looking at the ring? I'm sorry I picked that ring without taking you, I thought you'd like it." Another imbibing.

"I like it a lot, but is it okay? What if your family objected, or.." I didn't realize Arman was sitting next to me. Very close too close. I put both my hands on his chest, holding him back from getting any closer.

"Look, this is what I want to get rid of, not this attitude that I want from you, I want you to give yourself to me, lovingly and affectionately. Not because of lust and momentary satisfaction. I want our love to grow deeper, every day Ri, I want you to fall in love with me every day."

Arman tried to pull my hands together, so as not to hold his body, if so, wouldn't he be right on top of me.

"Honestly Ri, I wish I wanted to marry you now, but I have to wait at least another year instead. Tell me how I'm gonna hold back any want to touch you."

"Don't you be calmer, have I received your ring, I am yours. A year will not be long, if at that time of year our feelings get stronger, will not we get closer. And I have no other reason not to marry you." I really don't dare to look at Arman for too long, why does he seem to want to eat me.

"You'll let me go tomorrow, let's go for a walk." Arman patted - clapped my head and tidied up some of the annoying hair on my forehead.

I shook my head, "can't, later too much missed lessons will make it harder for me to catch up with the material." I rubbed his face. "Deg deg deg.." ah why my heart pounded so hard, may not be heard by him, ah I am ashamed and afraid.

I tried to push him again, but instead he was getting closer, really close, "Ri, forgive me." "Ah....no Arman, what do you want?" Arman kissed my lips many times, *******, why I didn't reject him, why I didn't tell him to leave, what warm feeling this was running through my whole body, I tried to thrash, I tried to thrash, realizing that all this has its limits, we can't be this dangerous if we keep doing this, I don't want to do that...

Arman stopped and watched me. "Now that you know, it's hard for me to hold back all of it, the stronger my desire to take care of you, the more I want to have you completely." He put his forehead to my forehead. We stayed in that position for a long time.

Until finally, I kissed her lips slowly, Arman opened her eyes, retreating slowly. "I'm sorry Ri, I'll marry you, I'll take responsibility for everything."

I got up sitting in front of her, stroked her hair, "Yes, I believe you won't leave me, and just take advantage of our relationship. I'm going to sleep, but you have to take care of me first."

Arman nodded, kissed my forehead and went back down onto the carpet. Before long my eyes were so heavy, just sleep first..."Hoaaa..."

I don't know what time Arman slept, but now at 03:30, I woke up and there was no Arman on the carpet, which he thought I was.

I got up and washed my face, brushed my teeth, and started cooking.

Suddenly Arman opened the door and put his motorcycle into the kitchen.

"You home?" ask her.

"Yes, because the princess still wants to go to school today." Arman closed the door again, having finished parking his bike in our kitchen.

Yes, although not so big, but one motorcycle parked in the kitchen it still fit and I can still be free here and there.

Arman sat on the dining table chair, "Well, you want to cook?"

"Yes, I made tea, (i put a glass of warm tea) and this one for me (i put a cup of milk coffee in front of me)"

"No, you can have some tea to make it even sweeter," I relished the milk coffee I made with my own concoction.

Arman could only frown, but not for a long time, we were already joking and laughing again.

"Sir Arman's mom, not mad brother came home just take the bike?"

"Hmm, no house person can forbid me to do anything I want, let alone hinder me Ri." His look was serious.

I've finished cooking rice, making a little vegetable and frying eggs as side dishes. Making snacks for Arman and me of course.^^^^

"Would you make a cake like this?" asked the puzzled Arman to look at the cheese sponge I took from the rice steamer.

"Where do you want to go?" Arman curious.

I pointed towards the magic com that Warmer had already positioned.

"It feels again sahur ya Ri, if we marry good times yes, both eat sahur." Arman enjoys the sponge I made.

"Who did you learn from to make cookies like this? tanyakanya.

I smile.

"Cock smile anyway? Must be from your Mama yes, delicious Loh Ri, even though it is just a home sponge, but this is really delicious. You are also not complicated to make it, have often made it?" His mouth is full of balls.

"Drink first, then choke, if you like to spend it. Strange you know, make people home actually the cuisine or cake that I made said not delicious. That's why I can't believe you said my sponge tastes good. I taught myself, I learned everything myself. Honestly, I haven't lived with my mom. But with grandma in town C. She taught me to be a woman who knows her duty."

Arman scrunched his forehead.

"When do we visit grandma, will you? Both of you, get on your bike. Don't discuss anymore about the situation at home, yes, I've been studying at school so as not to be a fool, Mama actually loves more brother, yes maybe Mama loves all her children, but from what I see, my mother has high hopes for my sister. So now that you've let Mama and papa down, it might be a hard blow, so they've all changed."

Arman suddenly hugged me, wiped my tears away, ah I don't even realize, if these tears are dripping.

"Well, when the time comes, I'll marry you, and take you away, then we'll stay alone, build it all together, and enjoy the hardships of living together. And yes, I want to visit your grandmother. Tomorrow is Sunday. Oh yes Ri, you have to reduce your school extracurricular activities. You look like you're lacking rest."

I nodded, the sound of the morning prayer was heard, "Yuk pray." I pulled his hand, took him to the ablution.

"Since you've been with me, you've rarely made a prayer, who's the prayer?"

"My niece, whose voice almost sounds the same." Said Arman while grinning 😅

"Hmmm..could it be you..."

If all would continue as beautiful as our shadow and hope. God let us enjoy the happiness of achieving our dreams, aamiin...