This Is Not What I Want

hate or forgive part 1

When I was in school, I wanted to graduate quickly, be able to go to college and work, make more money and make parents happy, but the truth is, when I graduated, it was not necessarily like that, but it was, I miss those school days...

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The days after that night, it felt so different, even in school I was not excited, right as Erdian said, I was chosen to represent 2nd grade students for cultural events in the city of C, he said, from each grade level 1 student and 1 student are selected, from each school organization is also selected 2 representatives, so quite a lot of participants who attend this event. But I'm not as focused, and not as excited as usual, if appointed to a certain event at school.

"You were also chosen De?" There was a voice that I had known for a long time, yes it was Aryan. I found him standing in front of me. All the participants were gathered in the hall to get a briefing.

"It looks like Arya's brother was also chosen, whether this is coincidence and luck, or this should I just refuse?" I realized my words hurt her. I kept quiet, and tried to calm down

"I'm sorry Ri, I didn't mean to stay away from you like this, but you must understand, be asked or not I'll take care of you Ri, so just be casual. I know you deserve to be angry, Ri you'll always be my sister." Arya was still standing next to me, not trying to leave or move anywhere else.

"I'm not angry, I'm afraid that there's a friend of Sasha's here who sees you and thinks that if you're a different person when Sasha isn't around, I don't want to be blamed."

Arya looked at me, but her gaze changed when Erdian came.

"You're here too?" Arya asked, clearly looking annoyed face there.

"Yes, but I don't want to, this is my homeroom teacher proposing. But after knowing Riri was also elected, I decided to accept the proposal. At least I can get closer to Riri, right?" Erdian answered Arya, with sharp words.

"Then I don't have to worry," Arya stepped away leaving us both.

I was silent, Erdian was silent, but he did not go he was standing next to me. "Thank God there's you Erdian" my inner.

From the briefing event, we received information that each participant must attend the event for 3 days, must not bring communication tools, must focus on the event until the committee is finished, yes already how else, and so on, he was elected and has accepted.

Today I came home from school not picked up Arman, I chose to go home alone, but unexpectedly Erdian said he wanted to go home together, even though only to the end of the main road to my house. I think it's okay, if I can be accompanied by a friend, maybe there will be enlightenment that I get.

"You look unhappy Ri," asked Erdian as he led his bike.

"Yes, if I could refuse, I want to refuse the request of Miss Desi, who chose me, I'm afraid to let her down." Answer's short.

Erdian looked at me, "You got Ri's problem?"

"Well, can I ask you something, please,"

Erdian nodded.

"Can't just forgive Ri, a mistake is still a mistake, so for sure, there must still be a punishment for it. But you can investigate first, the reason or there are things that cause the person to make a mistake, after knowing the cause you can determine the right punishment Ri. That's fair, and remember, it's important to listen to a lot of opinions or explanations from people who know the issue, not just listen from one side."

Erdian's explanation gave me a wish, "maybe big brother is not really evil and has the heart for the family, yes it's true there must be something that makes him do all that," I thought. Without me knowing I was smiling.

"It seems like my answer, you can accept yes, maybe you already have the answer, but you want to hear it from others, I'm glad to see you smiling Ri, I'm happy to see you, and what if we just think of it the next 3 days, it's as a vacation and enjoy it. Okay?" Erdian looked at me and then stopped and said goodbye, "We're parting ways here yeah, see you tomorrow."

I nodded and waved my hand, Erdian passed.

I was walking down the street alone, in my heart asking, "If I had also asked Arman, would it be okay? But didn't Erdian say the more advice the better?"

I didn't realize my feet had entered the courtyard. And Arman was there sitting with my mom, in our kitchen. I could see clearly from the outside, because our kitchen door was right next to the house, and the position was easily visible from the outside.

"Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh." I give my greetings, enter the house, take off my shoes. Washing my hands and feet before stepping into the kitchen, because in front of the kitchen, there is indeed a place for ablution next to the washing place.

"Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh," replied Mama and Arman almost simultaneously. When I really got into the kitchen, I could feel there was a different atmosphere.

I kissed my mom's right hand too Arman. Then sit down on the seat of Lesehan and ask them.

"Kok tumben mama with brother Arman chatted together. Kiki's son where's Mah?"

"There's in the dalem, Putra has come home, safe escorted Mang Sahri, now again the same toys Kiki, in your brother's room." Said Mama. Mang Sahri is Mama's rickshaw guy.

"Don't talk about Ri, but do you really want to move Ri?" Ask Arman.

I was shocked and looked at my mom and then turned to look at Arman. "Mom seriously told Arman?" My mind, duh.but I was curious what his opinion was too.

"If it's true, I support you Ri, it's better, and Ri, I've also told Mama, if I intend to be serious with you, I don't want to mess with Ri, Ri, if your parents don't mind I'll propose to you that we get engaged."

I didn't answer anything. Just looking dumb and not expecting, this just so how many days yes.... Isn't it too fast? Was Arman not wrong to take the drugs? What was my dream last night?" I was busy with my own thoughts.

"Mama agrees Ri that Arman wants to be serious with you, so mama is not worried." Mama spoke like that without discussion first with me, I stammered to answer what, even kayak pocked this way it would be.

"Ntar for a while, before Ri answered yes, Ri wants to say first, Ri was chosen as a representative for cultural events in the city of c, so must live there 3 days, so must stay there, hijrah problems yes Riri do want to be able to hijab, hopefully it can be a better human, feel safer if closed, yes like more awake🤔, if the problem of fiancee later aja yes, yes, wait for Ri to finish the 3rd grade exam." I looked at the two in turn.

Without waiting, I stood up and walked into the room, changed clothes, and prepared everything for tomorrow. After that back to the kitchen, it was unexpected that brother Arman was still at home. He fell asleep on the carpet in our living room. 🤔🤔🤔 Actually whatever the hell she talked about with Mama." I'm curious!!!"