This Is Not What I Want

Everything that happens is not necessarily your desire...

Can't give any advice about life, can only say if you feel hard and all annoying, out there is actually a lot more difficult, but don't you, not you, I still feel life is unfair sometimes, but there is no choice but to keep living it...

"Arman has Ri back?" Ask mom, without moving from her sleeping position while watching TV.

"It's a mah, emmm Mah... Ri want to ask you something, can't you? But, Mama, don't be mad?" I sat next to him, thinking about how to ask, but not offend him.

"Well, Tiwi's gone to work again, huh?" I looked at my mama's face, hopefully mama doesn't react that no-no😇

"Ri, how well do you know your sister? Is there a secret she told you, but she won't tell you, or maybe she's forbidding you to." Now behind my mother, who woke up from her sleep, and looked at me, with a serious look.

"Yes there must be a mah, but what about before." I'm trying to melt the atmosphere. "Honestly Mah, Ri was just curious, time only because of yesterday's problems, mama became very angry, continued Kak Tiwi immediately went away not saying that."

Mom was silent, and crying. "Ri, we're talking in mama's room." Mama went to the room, I gave the son a code so he would accompany Kiki.

Mama was sitting on her bed, still crying. "What's really going on, mah?" I really don't know what you're keeping from me.

"Ri, actually since your sister's high school, it's been a lot of trouble. He got carried away with the wrong flow, and went into promiscuity, the severity of which occurred when he sat in the 3rd grade, the final semester. Mom was equally devastated at that time. Fortunately the school, still gave the opportunity to her, in order to complete the final exam on time and be able to pass, because indeed your sister is not a stupid student, she said, he still got a pretty good grade." Mom was silent then for a long time.

"But! "Why Ri, why? Why can't he choose a good friend, and now why not change too!" Mama half yelled. Everything that was detained and kept secret by her all this time, I finally found out. Mama still hugged the pillow, and soaked her with tears.

Unfortunately, Brother never felt at home, he had a bad habit in my opinion from the beginning. But I feel, it's not my capacity to advise her. I was just reminding her, if she had a son, and her son needed a mother's attention. I sometimes feel unfairly treated, but rather than meddling, and the more wrong, I prefer silence. It was a heavy burden on my mother.

When she calmed down, my mom told me back.

"Your brother really does not want to reunite with his father Kiki, yesterday they met, so the return home so last night. His mother used to stress Mama, now, instead of mama not taking care of grandchildren, but your brother was on purpose, he felt happy free outside the house, which is important work can send money, but your brother was on purpose, but her son needs his mother. Mama is disappointed Ri, Mama has also been in your position, being a grandfather and grandmother's child." Mama paused, took a deep breath, and continued her story.

"Now my sisters have been successful and successful, but no one remembers my mother and father, my mother taught your brother science and religion, and your brother disappointed us. This is not what we want Ri..." Mama was bowed in her arms hugging her pillow. I could only pat her back.

I left my mother alone in the room, and made her a glass of warm tea. When I returned to my room, my mother was calmer.

"Drink first mah" I gave the glass I brought to my mother.

Mama who is usually firm and meek, today showed her other side. All the problems he harbored have now been spoken of.

"Well, Ri, you can't promise anything to your mom, you don't even dare to promise anything. Ri is afraid it will disappoint Mama if later can not keep it. But Ri will try not to trouble mama. Ri will work hard, huh." I held my mom's hand. Smacked his forehead. Hopefully this is enough to strengthen it.

"Riri, mama did not ask for a reply for what we have done, we just ask, please respect what we have done for all of you, our efforts, our efforts, sacrifice mom and dad for mom's sisters, mom's parents, mama's kids."

"Mama did not ask Riri to be like that, what Riri has done for mama all this time, has made Mama lucky there is still Riri, who can help mama."

"Mama just tipped Ri, now you're in 2nd grade, learning good, not for mama, but for Riri's own future, don't imitate what's bad from your family, this is, take the positive. Time will not be returned Ri, everyone knows regret always comes later. If you're dating don't do anything inappropriate. Don't just for a moment's pleasure, ruined the future huh."

My mom can smile now. I hugged her.

"Ri will try her best according to Riri mah's ability. Mama do not cry anymore yes, hopefully Brother can guide and be aware of his obligations and responsibilities, will all his mistakes, as long as we can still help keep his son mah. Riri dear mama, it's night, mama rest ya." I kissed my mom again.

And sure enough Kiki is also Putra, has fallen asleep in front of the tv which is now turned into their audience. I moved Kiki to Mama's bed. As for the Son, his bed, we deliberately put it in the corner of this family room as well, so that it can still be close to your room. Turning off the tv and lights, checking all the doors and windows were locked, I went back to my room.

"I think everyone is happy, life is not what we see from the outside, all smiles can be full of falsehoods, too forced freshness will be painful, can not blame who and who, because the best choice in our opinion, not necessarily the best choice according to others, also not necessarily in accordance with God's choices and provisions."

I close my diary, lay my body on my soft bed. God makes tomorrow better for everyone.....