The Smile of God for Marissa

Mystery messages

New year has arrived.

I want to improve my life. My condition is not as lucky as my friends who keep me excited to dream. I don't want to because my love is unrequited, my purpose is broken. The only way that I could avoid trouble was to stay away temporarily and leave my duties and positions in the student regiment unit to my juniors on the grounds that I wanted to finish college immediately. I know this is not wise. But it's nothing. All I did was not see Qomar and Shamsya too often at the base.

I feel so miserable. Everyone doesn't want to know how I feel. They kept teasing me when they found me moody in my room. They were happy to see me miserable. Like this time, Nur Janah and I-in-law, met me in the secretary room.

“You're still jealous of Syamsa, Darling ?” nurjanah asked while hugging my shoulder. He rolled his eyes at me. I can only sting. I'd love to hit him in the arm if I hadn't seen Qomar approaching.

“Did you say Nur?” ask Qomar curiously. I saw Qomar's tears suddenly beaming at me as he stepped up to take a chair and sat down before me.

“Please say that what Nurjanah said is true!” he said while folding both his hands.

“About what ?’ I pretended to be stupid. In my heart I condemn Nurjanah's actions.

“Are you really jealous of my wife ?”

“No!” i'm firm. “If you see me being sad this is because . .” I stop my sentence for a moment. I want to provoke their questions.

“Because what ?” Qomar asked curiously. My fishing was targeted.

“Because my lover in Jogjakarta got married. He married my best friend and I just found out this afternoon.” I made up stories so they wouldn't tease me anymore.

“Are you sure ?” Nurjanah.

“ Have I ever lied, Nung?” I was upset by Nurjanah's question. I know he suspects me. But this time I really don't want to argue with anyone.

“This fri I must resign from the regiment, “ I present my letter of resignation to Qomar, my commander.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to focus on my script. Sorry my performance has been so bad. Commander can find my replacement from now on.” I immediately stood up and took my bag and left the command headquarters. There was nothing preventing me and I felt how much they ignored me.

When I'm sad I'll always find a favorite place to solve problems. I know where. Campus mosque.

There were a lot of bitter memories gushing out there. When I was injured because I was being didholimi in a speech race by a yuri who had been bribed by one of the contestants, when my heart was hurt because Meta thought I had taken his girlfriend and there were still a lot of bitter memories I had with Him in this place. I know I was wrong. Complaining to the Almighty only when I call, when my heart is happy I only last five to ten minutes.

“Oh Lord, forgive your ungodly servant. Today I give you all the problems that have plagued me. Forgive me for lying to my brother about my Yogyakarta lover. I also apologize for lying to my heart. Please help your servant to overcome the problem !”

I'm ending my activities. I know my guidance hour is coming soon. Although lazy, I still want to follow. I returned to my original intention that I had come to study. With a bismillah, I stepped out of the mosque. I put my shoes on the shelf to the right of the exit and put them on one by one by sitting on the terrace. Not yet finished my activities, I felt like a pair of eyes were watching me. But he doesn't seem to care.

I don't want to be so kind to anyone today. There was plenty of time and opportunity for me to avoid because we were so far away and separated by the highway. I slowly slipped into the mosque. If I usually pass the east staircase and go to the regiment headquarters, today I walk through the rectorate and down through the princess stairs to the new student registration room. I want to hide there and get out when it's safe.

“Assalamualaikum Risa, Risa where are you going?” goda. A stupid question. He should know, a lot of students around him with his academic activities. He should also be aware that his position is now in the Matahari campus area. Not in the mall, in the supermarket or in the woods. “Iya I know. Risa will definitely have thesis guidance. Aren't you?” again he teased me. “If not wrong Mr. Amir the supervising lecturer is out of town.” Reciprocity.

I can only glare. My high school student who to me is so annoying looks at me and laughs. I wondered how he might know that my supervising lecturer was out of town. He must be kidding me and to me the candlestick is very uninteresting. With a certain belief that he was mistaken, I left this man who twice teased me. I walked down the campus corridor and joined my friends in psychology for the 8th semester.

“We go to canteen yuk !” take Lina with enthusiasm.

“Ke canteen ? You're not kidding, are you ? I have a thesis guidance at 10:30 when you take me to the cafeteria how ? “ heard my sentence Lina pouted

“Eat him so that guy don't hide constantly. Eliminate the problem with semedi in silence, so do not know that Mr. Amir and Mr. Hashim out of town. “ said Lina.

“So right that he said” my inner .

“You've met Mas Qomar yet ? He was looking for you. There are tasks you have to do.”

“Kak Qomar again, another task. “ my sigh

“Not” my answer quickly. “I don't want everyone to think of me that way. It has nothing to do with me and Kak Qomar and Mbak Syamsya. They've taken his way and I have to be sincere because there's nothing between me and him point.”

“Ih ndak not to rent it so. Know not, if you rent all will say that what you just heard is real.”

I'm silent. It is true what Lina said. If I'm angry everyone will assume that their opinion of me is correct. I smile. I'm melting my mind so that everyone doesn't think I'm jealous of Shamsya even though I can't really throw that jealousy away. Kugandeng arm Lina and I move my legs cheerfully towards the canteen to eat.

“You said resign from secretary?’ ask Lina full of probes. I just nodded my head while sipping on the guava juice that had just been served.

“Not only retreat from secretary, I retreat from regiment.” My solute.

“That's right ?”

“My resignation letter is on the commander's desk. You can check the truth.”

“You are not going to graduation soon huh ? why should I step back ? without backing off you can already be inactive kok.” The waiter came to bring us our lunch order. Not a real lunch, because the clock still shows eleven hours less than a quarter. Lina immediately took the soto dading that had just been served. He added soy sauce and chili sauce, then took a slice of lime and squeezed out the water. I did the same thing and then in silence we enjoyed our meal.

“By the way, have you started compiling the thesis ?” I just nodded. Lina gave her thumb. “ My best friend has always been great. He knows when to do it. Salute to you”.

“I want to leave this city immediately. Back in my mom's lap seems more fun.” My solute.

After we finished eating, Lina paid for our food. I had actually prepared my money, but he refused because he wanted to share the fortune he said. He just got a bonus from someone, he said. Lina and I went out of the cafeteria and went back to their respective boarding houses.

***

Sisy again asked me for help to tell the man who was now waiting at Gasebo northeast of the city square that she loved him so much. For the second time I carried out his orders, riding Sisy's red beat. Once again I took my camera to a location from afar. No one is waiting for Sisy today and I sent a picture via Whatsapp to Sisy.

This time Sisy apologizes that the man has picked her up and brought her to Sisy's house. I breathed a sigh of relief, at least his absence at Gasebo did not disappoint Sisy. I pointed the beat west, headed in front of the kauman mosque and bought a pack of meatballs. Five minutes later, I was back in my room and enjoying meatballs by myself.

The boarding house is quiet because on Sunday night all my friends leave the house for various reasons. I deliberately did not participate because there was no desire at all to move outside at night.

“You are a rose. Beautiful when viewed, but your duri will stab when I hold. Unless I wear gloves to justify you”

A message from the new number came in. There's no profile picture I can use to get to know the sender. My little heart told me that Senolah was the sender of the message and for me there was no reason to reply to it. I won't ignore his anger when he finds out I didn't respond to his message. I just want her not to think of me as a girl who easily gets into the trap of a man's seduction even though I know my heart is flattered.

“ Hi, Brother how are you ? “ the second message from Seno's saved number came in. I can guess that he accidentally sent a message from two different numbers in hopes of making me curious.

“I am not a beautiful rose when viewed, sorry.” I sent back a message via Seno's old number. I don't expect him to continue his flirtation.

“What are you talking about?”

A reply I did not expect. For a second I thought, could it be that I was wrong ? I saw once again the message I sent through Seno's number, and for a moment I acknowledged my mistake. I was too hasty to conclude that the first Message came from Seno and I was most likely mistaken. There's not much I can do to answer Seno's question through her second message.

“Love you”

My heart trembled reading Seno's third message. Believe it or not, I read a couple of times the message and finally I turned off my phone. There was no courage to reply to his words. I don't want to date yet. Not because I don't want to, but more because I'm afraid of you. He always gave me a message to stay away from adultery.

At nine Sisy came home. He said his loved ones had just brought him shopping in Sarinah, a famous supermarket in the city where I studied. A lot of what he bought, from toiletries to makeup, as well as snacks and he said mas Yoyo, his girlfriend paid for it.

I can't stop thinking with his courage to use the treasure of a non-muhrim man. I saw Sisy arranging her shopping, and opened a packet of rabbit nuts and invited me to enjoy. I don't want to touch her, if only Sisy hadn't forced me to the umpteenth time. It's nothing, even though it's halal, I don't want to eat the food of courtship. I took a grain and I sufficed, doubtfully opened my mouth, and before the bean came into my mouth, someone called out to me.

“ Marissa”

I put the beans that I was ready to eat on the study table and passed to meet Santi's call outside the room.

“There are guests who want to see you” said Santi.