The Single Parent

Want Yourself

In the morning I woke up, I saw my mother had woken up and cooked, maybe Vano slept in the guest room, I went to the bathroom to take a shower, saw my stomach, my heart was sad again, son... I'm sorry you can't take care of you, my mind, then I take a dipper for me to throw into my body, my body feels fresher, after taking a shower I get out of the bathroom and change clothes, yes... it still feels sore after the curette yesterday but not how much pain, still my heart hurts to lose a child, three months more hopefully I can get pregnant again pity mas Arif.

I went out of my room, to the guest room, usually Vano sleeps there, I open the door of the room, Vano still sleeps, maybe he does not want to go to school first, continue how Vano school tomorrow, Vano, while I have not been able to drive him whether I call Via ma'am to take Vano, said Nia yesterday I can leave a week, and another week my husband came home, I have to how? mas Arif won't blame me because I can't keep my pregnancy, my eyes are glazed again, I miss Arif but I'm afraid to contact him, after I kissed Vano I came out of the bedroom and headed to the kitchen I saw mom cooking, maybe my mother-in-law was still on top getting ready for activities.

"Rin. eat first, I make pecel" said my mother.

"Yes ma'am thank you" I said, as I sat down at the dinner table, my mother-in-law came down the stairs in an office shirt and had a neat veil and came up to me, sitting next to me

"Rinda...how's your condition?" ask my mother-in-law.

"It's better, ma'am" I said.

"I'm sorry, Rinda is troubling mom" I said later.

"Nobody's bothered here, last night Arif called mom, he was worried thinking about you, didn't you want to call him?" ask mother-in-law.

"Rinda wants to be alone first ma'am, Rinda is afraid that Arif is disappointed, say my regards to Arif mas, say I and Vano are fine" I said.

"Mom.. Come have breakfast first, I've made pecel and egg clamp" my mother told my mother-in-law.

"Oh yes Ma'am, thank you Mom, come on Rinda, let's go have breakfast together" my mom said, then we took each other's plates and ate together.

"You're good, I love it" said my mother-in-law.

"Ah Mother praised me" said My mother blushed embarrassedly, after finishing eating, Mother-in-law intends to help clean the dinner table and leftover dishes.

"Already Mom, let me just clean up, Mom immediately went to work" said Mother who did not allow my mother-in-law to help her

"Thank you ma'am, I live first, maybe one hour I'm home" Mother-in-law explained, then I shake hands with my mother-in-law, and Mother-in-law walks out of the house, I heard the sound of a car, it looks like mom is working driving a car.

At the dinner table alone, me and my mom.

"Rin... Is your mood better?" ask Mother.

"Yes Ma'am" I replied slowly and lowered my head.

"Rin.. have not been crying, do not blame yourself, try to look at the glass, your eyes are swollen" said the mother while showing a glass attached to the wall close to the living room

"Be assured that all of that has been the fate of God" said the mother later

"Yes ma'am, thank you, Rinda tried to accept this fact" I said then standing up from the chair and walking towards the bedroom to take medicine after that I went out of the room walking to the living room couch turning on the tv, mom still cleaning the dining table and washing dishes, and I went to the living room, I leaned my body on the couch, saw the tv show but didn't enjoy it, Vano came up to me

"Mother... Vano just truant ya" said Vano with a face melas

"Yes Vano, tomorrow Vano is picked up by Via ya" I said

"Mother is still sick dear, monday in front of the mother's work" I said then kissed Vano

"Vano is playing alone, baby" I said

"This is the remote, what do you want to see?" much

"Ipin upin mom, grandma where?" vano asked as he looked around, probably not finding grandma so he asked me

"Working granny dear" I said, then Vano walked into her room, probably willing to take something from the room, soon Vano returned with the milk box he was drinking and his hand carrying some toys and then Vano sat on the carpet in front of me.

Today I want to reflect on everything that has happened and try to accept the loss of my son

"Mom.

"Yes, what's up Rinda" mother said and walked over to me then sat on the sofa next to me and looked at me

"Mom.. My son's fetus was buried yesterday?" ask slowly with moist eyes

"It was in your father's grave around your brother's grave before Faris died after birth" said the mother

"Yes ma'am, thank you" I said

"Rinda.... You really don't want to call your husband?" mother asked with her gaze, I looked down and cried again

"Mom. I want to be alone first, I'm not ready to talk to mas Arif, let me make peace with myself first" I said

"Don't you take it long, pity Arif, there must be a lot of worry for you" said the mother advising me, I nodded my head then stood up and walked to the back garden.

I sat in the garden chair looking at the green plants of my mother-in-law, in this chair a lot of time I spent with mas Arif, mas. forgive Rinda, Rinda has not been able to give you offspring, my eyes glazed over again remembering that rape that hurt me so much, that it traumatized me so much, yes the rape that made Vano exist, O God, such an event as I did not want to make me a mother, she said, but when I do with love in a lawful relationship, you take it back, O Allah, give me the strength of my heart to be able to accept all this, after getting bored in the garden behind the house I walk into the house to my room, in the living room looks like Vano is engrossed in watching tv shows and playing, mom accompanied Vano in the living room

"Rinda.." greet mom.

"Yes mom, Rinda wants to rest in the room" I said

I saw the clock on the wall showing at ten o'clock in the afternoon, I walked up to my room and took my phone from my bag, maybe the battery ran out, from Sunday until Tuesday I did not hold the phone at all, it turns out that the battery runs out, I charge my phone, and lay my body on the mattress hugging the bolster, he said, Nia happened to go to the hospital yesterday because she saw her family and met Vano at the hospital, so I found out I was in the hospital again and proposed my leave to work, a few minutes later I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I took the phone that I charged the battery was fifty-five percent, I unplugged it and I turned it on, a while later the phone was on, a lot of incoming messages were also incoming calls, mas Arif... As soon as you worry about me, I read one by one wa that comes in, there are calls up to thirty times on Sunday to Monday, some whats up from my husband, I'm sorry mas, I'm sorry, I have misunderstood you, some days I did not want to contact me afraid you are disappointed but instead make you worry like this, I want to reply whats up my husband.

"Pardon Rinda, I have misunderstood, sorry Rinda can not take care of our child, sorry Rinda makes you very worried" wrote my message, shortly afterwards there was a reply from mas Arif

"Darling.. I love you, I sincerely our child is gone, later go home make again yes "the reply to Arif mas message makes me smile.

"Thank you" I replied