The Short Poetry Collection

Middle

When you hear the middle child, what do you think? Always blamed? Not considered? Never been prioritized? Maybe less is more like what you think. And, with a heavy heart I must confess that it is true. Of course this is only from my own point of view and experience. Not all children face this sad reality. Yeah, I hope it's true. Wh why? Because living with pressure to keep up with the expectations of parents is not easy. I'm the one who has to sacrifice more, for my brother and sister. I am the middle child.

I'm still at IPA High School. My grades are pretty good, always getting into the top three of my class. All I did to get into medicine at the best university in Indonesia. For the sake of my parents who pinned their hopes on me after my brother failed to fulfill it. Even though I had to bury myself in a dream that I had so often thrown away. It's okay, I've been preparing myself for this for a long time.

"Tias, what are you doing? Help mama cook!" mom shouted from the kitchen.

I looked at the clock on my phone screen, soon after dinner. "Tias is still learning, Ma," I shouted back.

"Later to be followed. Now help mom!" tell Mom in a loud voice.

I clasped the pen harder, trying to channel resentment. "Yes, Ma" I finally answered. My fist loosened until the black pen fell out of my hand.

I opened my door and went down into the kitchen. The living room was crowded with television showing a Korean drama and my sister sitting on the sofa. I sighed, then muttered, "Once again like gini. I keep being told."

"Tias, what's so bad there? Come on, help mama cook!" my mother shouted to me who was still standing under the stairs.

My gaze that was originally staring at Tara turned on the face of my mother who was sweating because she was busy cooking. I approached him and immediately helped, although there was a slight feeling of coercion. Not that I'm not helping, but why just me? Why always me? I'm sure Tara has been very able to help Mama cook. When I was her age, I helped her a lot. But it doesn't feel like it's going to happen to him either, does it? For I am here to take his place. I sighed softly while cutting the vegetables. Tias, stop comparing yourself to your brother, okay? All this is fair, and you must believe it!

***

I got up early in the morning just to check the calendar, making sure once again that I didn't get the date wrong. Sunday, 4 December. Right, today is really my birthday. The birthday wishes from my friends also further reinforce that fact. I began to dream about any gifts or surprises that my family would give. After seeing the excitement of the birthday celebration from other members of my family, my expectations were higher. Incidentally, I was the last person to have a birthday in my family every year. "Hopefully this year is better than the year before," I thought.

Unfortunately, there is one thing I always forget. There is always one thing that will not be realized every year or even every day. No birthday cake on the dinner table. Let alone cake, no one is seen downstairs. Only I'm with my expedition that's been smashed to pieces. I should have known that my hope would not be fulfilled. I shouldn't have to get up early just to get this painful fact. I should have known that the events of previous years would happen again this year. Everyone in this family is special, except me.

My presence is like there is and there is none

Needed, but not cared

Dependable, but always underestimated

All achievements are not enough

Am I really a part of them?

Eldest gets relief

The middle one must bear the burden

Alone . . .

Hope is poured out without being able to fight back

My voice is silenced

All dreams must be buried deep

For the prestige and satisfaction of parents

Always hungry for appreciation

There's not enough words in the dictionary

Even though I have reached the final blood point

Want to get out of his hand

However, too afraid of the evil

Too afraid of being cursed by Him

Choose love without ceasing

Until when do I bear it?

These tears

Until when will it keep flowing?