The Secret With Bad Boy

Rescue bread

It's a difficult time, it's very difficult for Kinanti. Until midnight, Kinanti was still at war with her thoughts and feelings. There is nothing he is thinking about at the moment other than Lukman's condition.

For more than two months, Kinanti learned of a disease called nasopharyngeal cancer. He read many reference books, saw a video on social media about the disease and even made it a condition when he will join the scholarship program. He also knows how difficult it is for a patient who is struggling with this disease. But he does not know, if all this time Lukman is struggling, not Seno.

You idiot! Yes, that feeling of being a fool that I was feeling right now. He still remembers how sad Lukman's expression was when he said his closest friend was suffering from this deadly disease. The man lost hope and became a big peer for Lukman to encourage his best friend.

It was even more foolish when Kinanti eagerly interviewed Lukman on behalf of Seno. He asked how the signs and symptoms of the disease were, what kind of experience Lukman saw the condition of Seno who struggled alone, including Seno's desire to keep this from his family on the grounds that he could not bear to see his family sad because of his weak and helpless condition.

There is one question that until now still disturbs the feelings of Kinanti. That is when he asked, what kind of pain felt by Lukman when the man underwent chemotherapy?

“Dad always could not bear, every time nemenin om Seno chemoteraphy. He grimaced in pain, holding his hand, eraaatttt really. Kayak gini.” Lukman even exemplified how tightly the grip of Seno's hand in his hand, until the hand of Kinanti red.

“Jeez dad, what's that tight?” Kinanti until goosebumps.

“Yes, that sick. Maybe more. Sometimes his teeth grind so much that it hurts. Never a few times om Seno to lose consciousness and tightness. Doctors say it's the physiological effects and psychological effects of a disease. That is, a patient's mental can also add pain to the body that is struggling it and can make it increasingly weak and unstable.”

“So in the sick person in addition to his physical struggles, also his psychological that must be strengthened.” Lukman's conclusion at that time made Kinanti shivering in horror at the condition of Seno who must be tortured every time. He could not imagine how sick Seno's body received every therapy he had to undergo. How could his mental strength be so strongly tested with that pain? At that time Kinanti was so amazed by the power of Seno.

“What's enough dad that nemenin him? Why not his family? Wouldn't it be if her family took care of her, she would feel calmer?” even this innocent question has been asked by Kinanti.

At that moment Lukman just smiled and clasped tightly onto Kinanti's hand. He looked at Kinanti as if Seno was talking.

“Compared to the pain of the disease that must be endured, he said it was even more painful to see his desperate family. The wife who began to pity him, the children who began to stop joking for fear of disturbing his health, as well as the surrounding environment that makes it seem to be a helpless person and a burden for the family. Not always pitied is fun, Nan. Often times it hurts us more.” Kinanti heard the sentence Lukman delivered deeply.

At that time Kinanti was so sad to imagine how difficult Seno's position was to face the conditions and environment. But now his world feels like it's broken when he finds out that the one who's going through it all is Lukman. Guilt, fear and pain are felt directly by him, not others.

“Astachaa...” Kinanti rubbed her face rough. The face that had left no tears because her tears had dried from crying since. At that time he understood the reason Seno hid his illness from the family. But for a Lukman, it keeps him from thinking.

Like not recognizing what kind of man he thinks is quite selfish. In order to hide his illness, he chose not to involve Kinanti facing her pain. Shouldn't it be at that moment, Kinanti's hand that Lukman held? Not Seno's hands especially Kala. They are outsiders who should not know Lukman's condition as much as he does, but everything is turned upside down.

If he knew Lukman was sick, he probably wouldn't have spent his time lingering with his friends and books. He will spend more time with Lukman. Accompanying the man in his most difficult time and accepting Lukman's condition with Ikhlas. Doesn't Lukman believe that Kinanti can be that strong? Doesn't he know that being lied to makes Kinanti's feelings so broken?

Then Kala, the man who a while ago he was expelled. To be honest he can understand that the one who has full authority to inform his health condition is Lukman, not Kala even though their relationship is very close. However, knowing Kala who knew his father's condition first than he did, there was envy that he felt. Feeling useless because Lukman believes in telling his best friend more than his own daughter. More than that, he needs someone he can blame for Lukman's condition that he cannot accept.

Complicated, yes it is very complicated. That's what makes Kinanti can not fall asleep even though the teleh time passes mid-night. Complicated too because in the deepest of his heart, he actually needed the presence of Kala. The man who could always calm her down, the best leaning place after her father.

However, his words could no longer be withdrawn. Kinanti understood correctly if the sentence had hurt Kala a lot. At this time Kala was certainly disappointed and angry with his attitude like this. Blaming Kala for being in his position is very difficult. He also knows that Kala does not care about him, the man cares a lot. Perhaps that was why Kala no longer debated him and chose to leave, obeying all of Kinanti's wishes.

“Dok,” The girl immediately stood up when she saw the guard doctor coming out of Lukman's treatment room. The doctor gave a small smile at the listless-looking Kinanti.

“Sit down,” The doctor took Kinanti to sit down. Kinanti according to sit down, side by side with the doctor. At first glance, I saw the name of the doctor on the id card. Leon, that man's name. The glasses guy with an oriental face and white skin.

“Heavy nights isn't it?” leon asked as he leaned his body against the wall. From earlier he saw Kinanti continuously awake with a crumbling appearance like this. His forehead continued to wrinkle as if there were many things he could not understand.

Kinanti nodded, she tried to smile as she let out a rough breath. He leaned his body, his back was already very sore but his heart was much more achy.

“Patient condition, start showing improvement. Oxygen saturation is stabilizing. That means, he's struggling.” The doctor paused his sentence and turned to Kinanti. Kinanti did not respond, only raising her head to dispel the tears that suddenly wanted to drip.

“Coming sick people coming, hard. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of excitement, but that doesn't mean it can't. This is where the struggle of the patient's companion. If your father is struggling, why don't you try to fight harder? At the very least, think about your health to be stronger nememani your father.” At a glance Leon's sentence sounded cynical, but Kinanti understood the true meaning of this man. This doctor tried to give a lash of spirit to Kinanti who had difficulty surviving.

“I'm not fighting, doc.” Kinta started talking. Pushed it with a heavy breath. “I am trying to accept everything, accept that my father is sick and there is a fear that the terrible disease will take my father away.” Kinanti smiled crazily, then pulled her hair rough. Sometimes strangers can easily understand us not because they know us, but because they once felt the same way.

“Your struggle, not just to make your father recover. But it gave him the most beautiful impression as long as he was around. The life of a person does not rest in your hands, nor in my hands. Our efforts are paramount, to make him feel like he is not alive and fighting alone. We try to fill his life with meaning without leaving regrets.” Leon's sentence sounds simple, but it means very deep.

It was like an extra whip for a downturned Kinanti.

“Understand that each person will go his or her own way. Either the patients first or we are faithful to accompany him. Do not regret a breakup, but regret if it turns out you do not take advantage of the time you still have and actually you can use it very well.” This was the next sentence that Kinanti heard and made the girl nod slowly. He bit his lips mute, he realized that Leon's speech was true.

Before long, Leon took out something from his pocket. A loaf of bread he kept in his white coat. Just in case he's hungry at night. But it seems this girl needs the bread more. Since the change of night shift this girl did not move from her place to just drink and meet the needs of her other body. So he decided to give the bread to Kinanti.

“The dispenser is right over there. Drink warm water and try to rest. Tomorrow morning, you can meet with the cancer specialist who treated your father. Make sure your body condition is fresher.” Leon's message while patting Kinanti on the shoulder.

Kinanti simply nodded slowly as she looked at the bread Leon had put in his hand. After that Leon went and went into the doctor's office. He monitors the progress of his patients from there.

Kinanti smiled crazily looking at the bread nanar that was in her hand. Her trembling question opened the plastic of bread and then bit it slowly. Leon says he has to prepare himself for tomorrow. Tomorrow Lukman needs him, how could he possibly show himself that he is this weak and stupid?

I must admit that this is the best bread he has ever eaten. Somewhere he had to look, maybe at this hospital, when he became one of the people who wore the white coat and gave treatment and attention to his patients.

“Thank you, doctor Leon,” muttered Kinanti. This is the bread of his savior and his spirit enhancer.

****