THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA

A HANDFUL OF LONGING

If I could choose

Let me just love you one

Your love is like the breath of my life

Unseen but so important to me

Your presence is always waiting for me

But your departure cannot be endured either

My ego, if I only want you?

I never thought

if the love that used to be close to happiness is now reluctant to move from the pain

Is this pain loving without your presence?

It's not that I'm not sincere about his destiny

It's just, it's too painful to live without you

Too painful my soul holds back the longing for your figure

Thousands of words I put into my prayer

Thousands of liters of water came out of my eyes

In fact, it is not able to dampen my longing for you

My longing became even more painful when I realized that your presence was no longer as I used to feel

Habibi, really, I miss you so much in every breath.

🍁🍁🍁

Droplets of water poured down his cheeks. After seven years passed, now he again lamented his figure that he could not approach again. It had been a long time since he had suppressed such a turbulent taste in his soul. For a long time he fought with his wounds, but now he resigned, now he lost will feel. He let his tears return to the river after a long receding. The fortress that he had built for so long today was destroyed because of the painful taste of his soul.

Zahra was sobbing in her tears, sobbing for the sake of sobbing escaped her lips. His body shook violently. The hold of the thing on his chest is now getting tighter.

"Habibi," he wrote many times.

The wounds that once cut his heart now come back. The pain was so bad that he could not get back. The chanting of dhikr and do'a seemed powerless to dampen all the tightness that was so painful.

"Astaghfirullah, Nduk."

Ummi's voice rang out after opening the door of his son's room. Half-running, Ummi Maryam approached Zahra and grabbed her body.

"Why, Nduk? say the same Ummi. Who hurt you?" Umm Maryam shed her tears.

To him, Zahra was his daughter. Seeing her cries of goods certainly hurt her heart.

"Ummi," said Zahra in her tears.

"Tell Ummi, who's calling.."

"Zahra misses Hafiz, Ummi. Zahra.. Zahra. "zahra's race sobbed great.

"Astaghfirullahal'adzim. istighfar, Nduk.."

Ummi rubbed a little hard on Zahra's back. This was the first time Ummi Maryam had found Zahra sobbing after seven years had passed. All this time, never once did Zahra show her cry in front of others. The woman was so good at keeping her wounds, even to cry she had to hide.

"Sickness, Ummi. It hurts so much."

Umm Maryam drowned Zahra's head in her chest. There were no words coming out of her lips other than a gentle swab on the back of her daughter-in-law. It was also painful for him to lose his beloved son so quickly. But what can he do if it is the will of the Creator.

He let Zahra dissolve in her tears, at least by crying could make her heart a little more relieved. The burden that has been squeezing can be decomposed when he vents all his mischief.

More than an hour Zahra cried violently in the arms of Ummi Maryam, now her cry began to subside but still left a sobbing sound without tears.

"It's quieter, Nduk?" ask Ummi Maryam softly.

Zahra let go of his embrace and stared bitterly at the face of the Ummi. She nodded slowly but could not shake the deep sadness on her beautiful face.

"Ummi knows, it's heavy. Abandoned by someone we love so much in a time we never thought possible. But trust me God has prepared something better to replace our grief."

Ummi rubbed Zahra's arm.

"Ummi."

Ummi smiled as Zahra called out to him.

"God loves you so much, Nduk. He wants to elevate your position there, which is why He tests you by taking those you love so much. She believes you're a strong woman."

"Zahra is not that strong, Ummi. Zahras.. "

"Sttts.. It can't be like that, Nduk. God knows better than we do" said Ummi silencing Zahra.

"You rest first yes, calm your mind with recitation. Later on Farid and his family come to propose. Don't let them see you in such a mess, not good."

Ummi led Zahra, laying down on the bed. Ummi's forehead had shriveled to see Hafiz's white cocoa lying on the mattress. Ummi reached out to grab the object, but Zahra held it back.

"Leave, Ummi. At least with a blanket of clothes that could reduce Zahra's longing for him. That makes Zahra calmer" Zahra said, enveloping her upper body with the white cocoa that Hafiz used to use on marriage contracts.

Ummi was fixated for a moment and brought his body closer to Zahra's. He approached Zahra's body tightly while smelling white cocoa owned by the son who still emits a distinctive smell of his despite seven years passed. A single tear fell from his eye. There was a deep feeling in his heart now felt piercing. Longs. He missed his son too. But that sense he pressed deep, only God knows how much a mother's longing for her beloved son.

"Will Hafiz upset Ummi, if Zahra marries again? What's more with Farid, his best friend."

Ummi raised his face and body and sat on the edge of the bed, next to Zahra.

"Didn't you know Hafiz very well, Nduk? He's not a grumpy figure. God willing if Ummi and Abinya ridho', he will also be ridho'" said Ummi while gently rubbing Zahra's head.

"But Zahra promised him. A promise to love her until the end of Zahra's life. We have also promised to be together until His jannah."

Zahra's tears came back.

"You can love him to the end. Keep your love in the deepest corner of your heart."

"But Zahra should have cursed him, Ummi with Farid's presence."

"Holy love will never change, even if there are new people who stop at the heart. He will remain the resident in your heart."

"But Zahra reneged on the promise to be together until His jannah. Rejecting the promise to be his bidownari in heaven."

"Sir.."

"Wouldn't Zahra end up with Farid?"

Ummi was silent, unable to answer.

"Zahra wanted to be with Hafiz in his heaven. Zahra wanted to be an angel for her, just for her."

The tears returned.

"But it was not Hafiz who held Zahra's hand but Farid. Isn't that right, Ummi?"

"Wallah A'lam. Leave all the things we cannot afford, to God. HE is the Owner of Destiny, we simply live what He has written. For the business of the Hereafter, let it be His business. We don't have to think that far, Nduk. Our job is only to worship and do our best so that heaven will be where we end up" Ummi said, making Zahra speechless.

"Hafiz or Farid is the same, as long as both are able to lead you to his heaven."

Zahra was silent again.

"Farid good man and shaleh. God willing, he can lead you, Nduk. There is no eternal promise in this world except our promise to God."

"Do'akan Zahra, Ummi. Hopefully Zahra's decision to accept Farid is not wrong."

"Without your asking, Ummi and Abi Salalu prayed for you. God willing your decision is not wrong, Nduk. Not just for you but Raffa."

Zahra nodded at the soft words of the Ummi-in-law.

"Yes, you sleep first. Mumpung Raffa is going with Abi, so no one is interrupting your rest."

Zahra nodded back. Ummi allowed Hafiz's cocoa to cover Zahra's body before she left.

* * * * *

The night after the prayer, the house of Ummi and Abi looked crowded. There was a loud noise from Qais and Raffa in the living room. Abi, Ummi, Mas Hakam and Mbak Kayyisa also appear to gather, only Zahra is not seen among them. The woman actually prefers to sit alone on the edge of the gazebo, in the garden beside the house while looking at the night sky. The wind seemed to be a friend in his solitude. It was his destiny to be like this and he could not blame him either.

"Sorry.."

Someone's voice was heard breaking his daydream. Zahra looked up, looking at the person who was now standing in front of her. An arch is now published to greet him.

"If receiving Farid is too much for you, don't accept the proposal" Hakam said as he sat next to Zahra but slightly spaced away.

"Then should Zahra marry Mas?" sahut Zahra sounded calm.

"Don't hurt yourself anymore."

"It would hurt more if Zahra married Mas."

"I'm sorry, Mom. Mas couldn't resist Kayyisa's request."

"Not able to. He just doesn't want to add to his mind. Zahra knows, Mas is also injured but Mas tries to keep Kayyisa's feelings in check."

"Mas loves her. Her happiness is more important than the wound in Mas' heart."

Zahra turned towards Hakam and smiled.

"Zahra also loved Hafiz very much, which is why Zahra accepted Farid. That way he'll calm down there, no longer worrying about Zahra and Raffa here."

"Hafiz is lucky to have you. You are a great, strong and loyal woman."

Zahra nodded slowly.

"The lucky Zahra had it."

Hakam smiled and rubbed the top of Zahra's head wrapped in a headscarf.

"Blessed after this. Never cry again. Because not only Hafiz was calm but Mas, Kayyisa, Abi and Ummi were expecting it too."

"The new Zahra will accept Farid's proposal, Mas, not yet married. Why is the message like Zahra getting married" Zahra joked.

Hakam chuckles at hearing it.

"How does it feel when you let a beloved sister get married?"

"Zahra isn't getting married yet, Mas" Zahra's press made Hakam laugh.

He rattled the top of Zahra's head once more.

"Boony you."

Zahra was fixated on hearing Hakam's words and looked at him.

"Just like Mas Darling Hafiz" Hakam continued.

"Your happiness is the happiness of all of us" Hakam said

"Thank you, Mum."

"Hmmm.."

"So yuk, looks like it's Farid's car."

Hakam got up when he heard the roar of a car stopping in front of his house. Zahra got up and stepped with Hakam into the house.

🌹🌹🌹

The living room feels warm. The two families that were close in the past are now increasingly closely related after the official application event was held a while ago.

"Ummah and Abah did not expect you, Nduk, if you want to accept Farid," said a middle-aged woman the age of Umm Maryam. Zahra simply carved a smile to answer him.

"Why not just be inaugurated before you leave for Jakarta, Nduk?" now Abah's voice was heard among the happy boisterousness of the occupants of the room.

Zahra was silent for a moment before replying. He took a breath to get rid of his nervousness.

"I'm afraid to ignore my obligations as a wife, Bah" Zahra said.

"My work there was a bit time-consuming, not to mention my equally solid specialist lectures. The fear is not focused and it even adds to the sin if Farid and I get married now" Zahra added.

"Occomplish, Nduk. Is your college not finished yet? it's been seven years since you went to college" asked Ummah puzzled.

"My medical school was completed two years ago. Now I take a specialist education, God willing two to three more years to graduate" Zahra explained.

"What do you take, Nduk?" ask Abah.

Only Abah and Ummah asked while Farid was silent.

"Child Specialist and Surgeon, Bah."

"You take two specialists at once?" Abah.

"Norgh, Bah. It just so happens that Zahra can get a scholarship for a specialist Surgeon's education so it's a pity if it's not taken all together."

"Masyaallah tenan this prospective Ummah ghost yes. Lucky for you, Rid, if you can marry Zahra," said Ummah who was immediately greeted with a happy smile and a nod from others.

Farid just mengumum smile, it is no wonder for Farid if Zahra to get a scholarship, because from the first Zahra was known to be smart.

Shortly thereafter, Ummi rose.

"Well, now we better eat first. The conversation will continue again. Monggo.. " Ummi invited Farid's family to go to the dining room.

I don't feel like time is rolling so fast. The laughter that had filled the room now seemed silent after Farid's family resigned, thirty minutes ago. In this room now only one Zahra remains. He had not moved from his seat since then. His gaze seemed blank staring at the ring that was coiling on his ring finger. The ring was pinned by Ummah shortly after he received Farid's proposal.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

ONCE AGAIN THE AUTHOR REMINDS, DO NOT FORGET TO LIKE, COMMENT AND VOTE A LOT, AFTER READING THIS PART.😉😉