THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA

DECREE 2

I'm not asking you to forget it

I am not asking you to stop loving her

Remember him as you like

Love him as long as you want

But one thing I want to ask of you

Just little. Just give me a little space in your heart to live in

Was it wrong of me to ask for it?

It is not the desire of my heart to drop this love on you

It is not my fault for loving someone else's property

But this heart moves itself to love you

And I can't control it either

I choose silence when this feeling greets

And I chose to leave when I didn't think there was another chance to wait

I think that's the best way for us

Me, You and Him

Because I know, your happiness is with him

I'm not as good as him

Especially as perfect as he is

I'm just someone who can love you in despair

I'm just someone who can miss you in a do'a

I hope this love doesn't get me far from heaven

For years I have been away

For years I pulled over

But my race to you remains etched

So deep and holy

If it was, I could only give up

But for now, can you allow me to fight for you?

Fighting for the love I had neglected

Only your smile I want to see

Only your happiness I hope

It's okay if my love doesn't return

Just so you can let this hand wipe away your tears

Just so you allow this hand to hold you channel power for you

I loved you first and now.

Let me wash your wounds and pain

Let me fight for my love for you

And let me carve out the happiness in your life

*Muhammad Farid Ihsanuddin

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FARID PoV'S

Seven years have I left this land. The land that carved the history of my life for eighteen years lived on this earth. No one knows why I chose to leave here but myself and God. Another reason than just learning to supply the world and the hereafter. And who would have thought if the reason was related to the heart. Yes, my main reason for going to the land of the prophets is because of him and this love. Too stupid or how, I don't know until my heart chooses to love you instead of the others.

I am not a man who easily declares his love for a girl. Nor is a man who is good at stringing beautiful words and romantic into poetry or a song to attract your heart. I'm just a man who can only hold his love. Delivering my love and longing only to the Owner, hoping He will convey it to you.

I know that my race has chosen wrongly. But what can I do if this heart is so strong that it holds your name even for years.

I don't know if the love I'm hiding in my silence is incising an incision wound. For more than two years I've been loyal to this taste. For more than two years I have carved your name into my prayer strands in every bow and night as I huddle with the Creator.

That afternoon, that day, this love for the first time felt so miserable. The angel whom I always gave his name after my prayer was not someone whom God had prepared for me. For the first time I realized that my race was wrong. Wrong for setting things in places and times they shouldn't..

That day, my heart was crying. Crying when the love that I hold tightly turns out to belong to someone else. You. the angel I've always loved turned out to be the rib of the person closest to me. It's so sad. How can I love my best friend's wife. Maybe because this feeling makes me forget the Owner of Love until finally my heart must be broken.

Time passed quickly, but not with my heart. Again I cursed my stupid heart. This taste still remains. This love is still engraved. When you are happy with him. Here I was desperately holding back the feeling of not wanting to leave. Stupid am I?

I don't think five years of this love has lived in my heart. Before things got any harder, I decided to leave. Go carry this flavor to a faraway place. My only hope is one, my race for you is soon gone. I hope my heart gives up on maintaining your never-shaky figure.

But what happened. The confidence I deliberately built was never in accordance with my dreams and expectations. Some months I set foot on the earth of the prophets. I gave unexpected news. My friend, my comrade-in-arms in the study of religion, returned to the mercy of Allah.

Innalillahi Wainnailaihi Raji..

Like being struck by lightning in broad daylight, the news shook my mind and soul. How could he have come home so soon?My friend, who was an inspiration to me, memorized the words of God. The power of these tears and the best do'a flowed swiftly to accompany his departure. Allahu akbar. lailahailallah.place him in the best place by your side. There is no better place than heaven for him, the lover and memorizer of the Qur'an.

Not long ago this soul was shaken, again my mind had to be torn apart due to an invisible incision. How's him? How is my bidadar right now? isn't he the first one, who will be shaken by his soul because of the departure of a loved one? Subhanallah.. Allahu akbar.. I wanted to run towards her right now, clutching her heartbroken body, wiping away the tears that I thought would never stop flowing. But all just wishful thinking and hope, in fact this body I can not bring back to him.

The hope and do'a that Abah and Ummah rely on me is a big responsibility for me to keep his trust. I gave up on my mind. I gave up on my race. Maybe this is my path, the destiny I have to go through. Only sincere strands of do'a I offer every moment to them, especially to my bidadar. May Allah give him strength and sincerity in accepting all the trials that have befallen him. I believe we are fooled. As far and as long as we are apart, God will unite us someday. Even if we are not a match, God has prepared the best for both of us.

Seven years I studied in Al Azhar, Cairo, Egypt. The title S2 I have achieved, it is time for me to return home to bring happiness and pride to my two loved ones, Abah and Ummah and my family. I can't wait to breathe the air of the house that I've been missing.

Three weeks after my return from overseas. My days will now be spent in my homeland with my loved ones, as well as practicing what I found in the land of Egypt. A place that used to be my goal to forget him and melt my love and wishful thinking. Now it's a place where I metamorphose into a different Farid. Farid's figure matures his thinking, his attitude, and of course his religious knowledge.

I never expected this love to fall back on a figure in my past even though it was still embedded in the corner of my heart. I just asked, God dropped my love on the figure that He and my parents ridho'i, the figure that was presented to me, accompanied me to His Jannah.

But who knows the scenario of The Director of Life. In my third week here, my way back leads to his figure. The Ummah that I love and respect so much asks me to get married soon. I who do not have a prospective companion must be willing to accept the choice that both my parents choose. Until finally I could only gasp in disbelief that he was the one Ummah and Abah wanted to be my life companion.

There has been no discussion between the two families, which is close to the relationship. Ummah and Abah just chose her, then they asked me to fight for the woman myself. So special was he that Abah and Ummah did not dispute his status. It is precisely I who is now made a gamang. Seven years passed, but he still remained true to his solitude. So strong was his love that he was willing to spend his time staying true to his dead lover, ignoring the dozens of men who came begging for his love. Then what about me? Can I fight for this love or end up like those who are denied it.

Allahu Rabbi.to you I give all my affairs, ease my path if he is my soul mate and give me strength and sincerity if I am not his life choice. Only to you I depend on all my wishes. Only to you I beg for his happiness...

🍁🍁🍁

AUTHOR PoV

Zahra's steps swayed into a cafe, where she made an appointment to meet Farid. Many times this took a breath to neutralize his heartbeat. This was not the first time he had met Farid, but it was his first meeting that there were only the two of them unaccompanied.

His steps now began to slow down along with the netraannya who caught the figure of Farid who had been sitting in one of the chairs in the cafe. Zahra regained control of her heartbeat, for some reason from the moment she got out of the car, she was so nervous. Though before this he was fine even before leaving for the cafe, he became an assistant to the main doctor who performed surgical operations.

"Assalamu'alaikum" Zahra said after being near Farid. Farid looked up at Zahra for a moment while answering his greetings.

"Wa'alaikumus greetings."

"I'm sorry if you waited a long time."

Zahra was a little uneasy because it had come beyond the time of their appointment.

"No problem. It just so happens that my schedule is still free."

"What do you want to order?" asked Farid in the same tone but did not remove his friendly impression.

"Avocado juice only," Zahra replied without looking at Farid.

"Eat?"

"No."

"okay."

Farid smiled faintly looking at Zahra's attitude then he called out to the waiter.

Long enough, silence and awkwardness enveloped the two of them. Farid finally opened his voice.

"Is there anything important you want to talk to me about?" farid asked as Zahra remained silent.

Zahra sighed then threw it away slowly before she replied.

"Four days I have to go to Jakarta" said Zahra directly without further ado.

Farid's forehead was shriveling yet to understand the meaning.

"I was transferred there for a year" Zahra explained as if she knew the meaning of Farid's forehead wrinkles.

Farid was still unmoved looking at the woman in front of him.

"Regarding our ta'aruf. I leave the decision entirely to you. You want to back off or continue. I gave you that right. I'm ready to accept whatever your decision is" Zahra said without looking into Farid's eyes.

There was a fear of his own staring at the black bead belonging to the man in front of him. He was not ready to see the honesty stored in those eyes.

"If I'm waiting for you, is there any guarantee you'll accept my proposal?"

"Yes?" Zahra gasped at the word "lamaran" directly from Farid's lips.

"I don't want my wait to be in vain. Likewise with you, I don't want you to be burdened and haunted by guilt if in the end you reject me."

Zahra swallowed her saliva. If he does not remember the unreasonable plea of his brother-in-law or forgets his promise to Ummi and Abi, maybe he would ask Farid to step down because he could promise nothing else when his heart rejected anyone.

"I'll take it. I will accept your proposal if you are willing to wait, " replied Zahra.

Farid was silent but the look on his face changed from before.

"Then prepare yourself. Tomorrow night I and Abah and Ummah will come to Abi's house to propose to you."

Deggs..

Zahra looked at Farid's face. He didn't think Farid would make a proposal before he left for Jakarta. He is not ready to get married so soon.

"I want to bind you by cutting you first. At least with us engaged, I have the right to communicate with you, I have the right to visit you at any time even if not alone. And I also have the right to worry about you" Farid said as if reading Zahra's thoughts.

Although Farid's tone was not as gentle as Hafiz's, it was undeniable that Zahra's heart warmed slightly to Farid's understanding.

"There's actually something I haven't understood until now."

Zahra took a breath, pausing her sentence.

"What makes you so sure of your decision? What makes you choose to wait? Actually, even if you back off, it's not hard for you to choose whichever woman you want, even a woman who isn't labeled a widow like me."

"I only chose women who were run by my parents. And if their ridho' falls on you, why should I choose another?" tukas Farid's.

"Then what about you? does your heart have a choice? Because of course ridho' parents' goods are not always in line with your heart."

Farid smiled obliquely hearing it.

"You say that as if you showed yourself that your heart is not in line with what you say" Farid said, leaving Zahra wide-eyed.

"I know your heart is not accepting of anyone. And I know very well that the figure of Hafiz is still attached to your heart. But once you decide to accept my proposal, I hope you will try to accept me in your heart."

Zahra's eyes now began to glaze over. Farid was right, he should have accepted the presence of the man even though his heart was always in revolt.

"I'm not asking you to forget her, nor am I asking you to stop loving her. Remember him as you please, love him as long as you want. Just give me a little space in your heart to live in. Just a little, I don't think it's hard."

Zahra averted her eyes, trying to ward off the tears that were about to fall.

"Do you. love me?" lirih Zahra's.

It was impossible for Farid to confidently make himself his wife, the woman who loved another man. It was also impossible for Farid to be as firm as that to speak if there was no love in his heart. And it would be hard to accept if our hearts did not have that taste. Because sometimes love makes us willing to do anything for the happiness of his loved ones, including having to hurt though. And that was what he caught from the figure in front of him.

"Have you seen it now?"

With watery eyes, Zahra looked at Farid's eyes. The taste seemed so clearly stored within it. The exact same gesture, which Hafiz always showed him.

"Since when?"

Zahra's gaze was now foggy due to the tears that pooled.

"You don't need to know."

"Say," Zahra said

"For what? we can't repeat it to that time either. Let me keep this taste. Enough me and God know."

"Allahu akbar. how can..."

Tears began to fall endlessly on Zahra's face. Farid could only turn his face away. It was too painful to see his wife crying.

"I'm not forcing you to love me. Just accepting my presence in your heart is enough for me. Even if that feeling arises in your heart, I don't expect more. Because I know your love for me will never exceed your love for Hafiz."

"You made me a selfish person. You made me a cruel woman. How can I live with my husband without giving him love even when his love is so full for me. Then from which side can I reach His heaven, if you just don't expect more so I love you."

Zahra began to sob, lucky Farid chose a place that was a little distance from another table plus the state of the cafe which was quite lengthened because the lunch hour had passed an hour and a half ago, which was not easy enough, so that no one noticed them.

"Not that I wasn't expecting, I was really expecting it just that I didn't want to make you more hurt and tortured because I forced you. Let everything flow as it is. Let everything be God's business, for He is the Owner of Love. I can only pray a little later that God put in your heart for me" Farid said.

"Did you allow your heart to love me?" farid asked while Zahra was still loyal to her cries.

Zahra looked up at Farid.

"If that's my way to get to his paradise. Please, teach me to love you without having to remove it from my heart."

Farid smiled hearing that. He raised his hand and rubbed Zahra's head.

"I will make you love me, so prepare your heart for me" Farid said, softly, even the sharp glare that usually emanates now turned shady.

"Have stopped crying. You hurt my heart" said Farid.

Zahra again wiped her tears, trying to stop dripping clear grains from her eyes.

"Your patient will be afraid to see your face now. Moist, reddened and swollen," said Farid trying to melt the atmosphere with a joke and a little temptation.

"That's my face, '" said Zahra while cleaning up the remains of her tears.

Farid chuckled softly to see it.

"You're beautiful, but not as pretty as you normally are" Farid said, prompting Zahra to grunt.

Looking at him, Farid was even more tickled.

Hopefully, this part of the story becomes the beginning of the story between us. Between me, you and our love..

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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