THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA

SECRET OF HEART

Zahra walked towards Farid's nursery after her heart rumbled violently. He really did not understand, why he was so weak if he met or faced Habibi. Until when can he convince his heart that Habibi is not Hafiz. Until when can he accept the fact that the two people are different. And until when his heart can be in harmony with his logic.

Zahra always emphasized to her heart that her Habibinya could not ignore her. The man loved her so much that it was impossible for her to hurt and hurt him. For for Hafiz, Zahra's sorrow and pain were his wounds. He will be hurt to see his beloved woman grieve what else until crying. What about Habibi? although overall the figure of Hafiz as there is in Habibi good face, voice and even attitude, he, but one thing that was different from him was that many times the man seemed to have unknowingly incised a wound in Zahra's heart because of his closeness to Meysha. He is definitely not his Habibi. His habit was never that close to any woman. His heart, soul and body were so awake for Zahra.

Zahra exhaled for the umpteenth time, hoping that the tightness in her chest would soon fade. He was confused with his own heart. He was like this because Habibi was so similar to Hafiz, the man he loved so much or because he began to feel with the man without any Hafiz shadow in it. I don't know, he himself can't touch his heart. It was always Hafiz, Hafiz and Hafiz who were the reasons for him, who were unable to get Habibi out of his mind and heart.

Zahra's steps stopped right in front of Farid's nursery door. He set his breath to return to normal as usual before he met Habibi. He felt guilty if he ignored Farid's figure just because of the man. Farid was too good for her to hurt her heart. The man had endured too much pain that he had not known before. And it was time that he took a sweet gulp as the fruit of his patience and loyalty all along.

Zahra opened the door to Farid's nursery while greeting him. He saw Farid being helped by wearing an arm sling by one of the nurses who came with a doctor. Zahra smiled towards them.

"Sore doctor Zahra," said the male doctor who is now handling Farid.

"So's a doctor, too,"

"You visited too?" the doctor asked, astonished that Zahra was in the patient's ward.

"I'm the guardian of the patient you're treating" Zahra said, making the two people who were dealing with Farid look shocked.

"You're a patient's family?" asked the doctor, who only answered a smile and nod by Zahra.

Zahra stepped closer and stood beside Farid's gurney. Zahra glanced at Farid's smiling face before focusing on the doctor.

"How's it going, doc?" ask Zahra.

"As you already know, the collarbone on the patient's right shoulder is broken. But fortunately, the fault did not make up for his skin so the patient did not need to have surgery. Simply use this arm sling a few weeks ahead, the bone will return to its original position."

Zahra nodded in response to the explanation of Dr. Candra, Orthopaedic and Traumatology Surgeon who is also her senior.

"I hope, for a while the patient does not move too much especially in the area of the broken bone so that the position of the bone does not shift from its position" said Dr. Candra reminded.

Zahra nodded again at the explanation of Dr. Candra.

"OK, because all I have checked and the arm sling is also installed. Then I'll give permission. Hopefully quickly recovered," said Dr. Candra to Farid then switched to smiling at Zahra.

"Thank you, doc" said Zahra, smiling.

"Yes, call me if there's anything" said Dr. Candra to Zahra and stepped out with her nurse.

Zahra's gaze was fixed on the nightstand next to Farid's gurney. His forehead slightly wrinkled then turned to look at the man who was still loyal to put on his smile earlier.

"You haven't eaten yet?" asked Zahra who had previously seen the lunchbox from the hospital, not touched at all.

"You say I must remain silent and not move" Farid said.

Hearing that spontaneously Zahra patted her forehead. Farid also smelled a smile at the funny and adorable behavior of his fiancee.

"Yes, I'm bribing ya," bargained Zahra who realized that Farid could not eat alone with the condition of the injured right shoulder.

"Later if it's time" Farid refused.

"You fasting?" zahra asked, opening her eyes wide.

Again Farid smiled at the adorable behavior of his beloved woman.

"But that was the afternoon when you came to your senses, you asked for a drink?" zahra said, remembering.

"My fast was off, because after realizing it felt like my throat was dry and so it was,"

"Why refuse to eat?"

"You're fasting, right? I'll eat later after my future mother breaks her fast. It's a pity that he's bribing me right now, that there's worms in his stomach in protest," Farid said, successfully making a red tinge on Zahra's cheek.

Farid smiled broadly at Zahra's face, further making the woman misbehave.

"Why keep smiling?" asked Zahra while turning her face which began to blush in embarrassment.

He only realized that when he entered Farid's nursery, the man did not stop smiling at him.

"It's okay," Farid replied with the same expression.

"Remember the message of Abah Hashim, GADHDHUL BASHAR," Zahra reminded with great emphasis on the last two words.

"Ha.. ha. ha. am I staring at you?" kelakar Farid while chuckling amusedly.

"What makes you not stop smiling is me."

"Your confidence level is too high,"

Hearing that Zahra's face immediately grunted.

"So that smile was for the nurse?"

Farid was getting worse at hearing it.

"Just jealous?" seloroh Farid's.

"Did, why should I be jealous. There I'll tell the nurse that you like it" Zahra said in an annoyed tone.

"You're funny, Ra. I'm so anxious,"

Zahra slightly squinted her eyes at Farid.

"Why?" asked Farid saw Zahra's gaze on him as if probing.

"This is really you? or is there something wrong with your brain after the impact this morning?" zahra seemed to doubt Farid.

"You mean?" Farid did not understand.

"To my knowledge, Farid the former Chief Rohis was a flat, cold, fierce, serem, unlike this one with a smile" Zahra said, making Farid gawk.

"Is that how bad I am in your eyes?" asked Farid while raising one eyebrow.

"I'm asking you don't think you're a kid?"

"Ehm.. " Zahra looked confused to answer.

"What I do is just to take care of myself" Farid said as Zahra spoke.

"Eh?"

"I am flat, cold, fierce, serem only still many who like. How about if I'm friendly, kind and considerate, that there are all girls chasing me," Farid said as he puffed his chest.

"Ih, piquancy," the great-grandson of Zahra, holding back a laugh.

"Reality, Ra. I was with Hafiz at 11:12" Farid said, making Zahra instantly speechless as Hafiz's name came out of Farid's lips.

Farid, who noticed Zahra's change in expression, looked at her.

"Sorry, reminding him,"

Zahra looked at Farid as she shook her head. Both ends of her lips lifted to show that she was fine.

Silence was created shortly after one name accidentally came out of Farid's lips. The man also seemed confused, what should he discuss to distract Zahra who is now starting to bad mood.

Before long Zahra opened her voice, breaking the silence that momentarily enveloped them.

"It's time to break the fast" Zahra said, taking a glass of mineral water over the nightstand and thrusting a straw into Farid's mouth.

"Kok me, you break the fast why am I the one who drinks first?" ask Farid.

"It's okay, it's all day you also only drink a little," replied Zahra as she pressed the end of the straw to Farid's lips. Farid also drank the drink.

After helping Farid drink, Zahra picked up her bottle in a medium-sized paper bag.

"You brought supplies?"

"Hmmm.. it is better to eat your own food," Zahra replied after sipping a drink from a bottle he brought, as a fastener.

"Farid, is it okay if I stay for a while at the maghrib prayer in the mushala?"

"I also want to pray. May I ask you a favor, get a male nurse here to help me in the bathroom?" said Farid who answered nod by Zahra.

Zahra stepped out towards the small mushala on the third floor because it was too far away if he had to go to the mosque on the first floor near the park. And for Farid, he had already called a male nurse to help him.

* * * * *

Time had already shown ten o'clock at night, when Zahra came out of Farid's nursery. The man had already fallen asleep after taking his medicine an hour ago. Although Zahra's heart was to accompany Farid but certainly for sleep, he preferred the doctor's room as a place to rest. The room is intended for rest for doctors who have been working all day without knowing the time. Especially those who become doctors, intership doctors and resident doctors like him who spend more time in the hospital. The room was divided into two between men and women so Zahra did not have to worry if he had to sleep there.

Zahra's heart, mind and body are tired today. Before he went down to the doctor's rest room, he threw his body on the waiting bench in front of Farid's nursery. His mind flew far away, his gaze even seemed empty. How long was his heart moved to see Farid? Until when did he perform in the drama that made him tired? Sometimes Farid's attitude does make him nervous or misbehaved but this response is reasonable for him who has never been close to any man especially Farid, the men who had always stretched the distance with him and now suddenly they seemed to erode that distance just because of a status.

Zahra sighed then exhaled slowly. His hand is now moving in search of a flat object that had disappeared and was found by one of the IGD nurses. If this object is really lost maybe he will again lament the fate of having lost the evidence of memories that were once engraved with Habibinya. Inside the object is stored hundreds of photos and videos of himself with his husband who until now he has not moved into a laptop, even specifically Hafiz made a recording of his full 30 Juz pilawah because he did not want to make his wife take it just because she was left listening to him muroja'ah even more so if he had to leave the angel because of business travel.

Zahra opens a photo album that shows herself with her husband without any distance. The curvature on his lips began to appear as his memory of that moment. He recalled that the photo was taken when Hafiz proposed to him directly in the art room, when both were in high school. I don't know who of her husband's three best friends who secretly took the photo, which is clear in the photo, Hafiz was hugging Zahra while peeping her temple, she said, the happy hue is clearly visible from the faces of both of them who both singled out their wide smiles. In the photo, Zahra's hand is seen holding two red and green books that Hafiz had just taken from KUA to sign.

Zahra's fingers scrolled the phone screen and found her favorite recording with the recording title "Habibi Love Letter to My Midwife", Zahra pressed the play button on the screen with a small volume but still can be heard. A beautiful melodious voice began to be heard greeting the senses of his listener.

Slowly Zahra closed her eyes to every soft cradle recited by her beloved. Ar Rahman's. Surah is proof that God loves his servants. The Surah which explains the greatness of the Creator of Life with all of its Great Creation. Surah which is also special Hafiz made as a love letter for his wife.

For almost an hour he stood staring at the object, which had made his heart shed tears all day. There is a desire to ensure his condition after a major event hit the soul of the woman even though now time is growing up at its highest position but he does not care in the least. Habibis. The man is still loyal in his position staring at the shade of the woman who has now rested her head on the wall behind him while closed.

Slowly but surely Habibi's steps lead to the woman. He could see the peaceful face of the woman who was now covered with a smooth snoring. Habibi pulled both ends of his lips and landed his buttocks on the same bench, which Zahra had occupied but was a little distant. He glanced at the glance of the beautiful face before he leaned his head against the wall in the same position as Zahra. Habibi smiled again as he slowly closed his eyes.

Some time the position was still the same until Habibi opened his eyes when he felt the movement of the woman beside him. Spontaneous Habibi shifted her seat towards Zahra with lightning. Zahra's body slumped to the side but did not land on the bench because Habibi first held with his body. Now their bodies are almost entirely attached to Zahra's head resting on Habibi's shoulders.

Habibi held his breath for a moment, neutralizing the heartbeat that drove dozens of times more than before. The first thing he felt, close to the woman with this thin distance even with his sister even though he was never this close.

Habibi's shady eyes are now shifted to his hand which is just below the back of Zahra's hand. He did not realize when he shifted earlier, his hand spontaneously held Zahra's hand which almost drooped with a cellphone that almost slipped from his grasp but lucky he could still hold it. Habibi slightly clasped Zahra's hand on his palm.

"Why should this woman, O God? why do you have to go to this woman and drop my heart? it wasn't enough that I loved her all this time in my dreams, why did you have to put her in this complicated situation and make my heart fall back on her." Habibi monologue in her heart.

Habibi looked up, his gaze turned soft. He recalled the first time he dreamed of this woman about six years or seven years ago maybe even more than that, he did not remember exactly. All he remembered, this woman still looked like an innocent girl in a white ash uniform and a white veil covered her head. The girl looked very pretty in Habibi's eyes even though her face was plain without makeup even without expression, only nervousness emanated from her pretty face as she extended her hand in front of the girl.

"Zahra," he said at the time with a bow.

Habibi smiled faintly as he remembered it, that was the first time he fell in love with a woman. Surprisingly he loved that woman in his dreams. And even stranger because the woman was always present every night when she fell asleep making her reluctant to wake up again.

In the dream as if everything is real, the relationship that starts from the introduction to continue to the closeness of the two. Habibi was very happy when he saw the beautiful face was smiling and laughing happily until it created a dent in both cheeks. He is also happy to love and have the woman even if only in his dreams. As if sucked into that pseudo life, he could feel real when his heart was happy and even sad when he saw his woman was hurt.

Five years ago to be exact, for the first time his heart seemed to be slashed when he saw a face that usually smiled happily suddenly revealed a sad face full of tears. Just as he saw and felt when he saw Zahra in Kayla's room this morning.

"Zahra misses you so much, Habibi."

The same sentence, coming out of the same woman but with different dimensions and meanings. But there is something that distinguishes the two, if in a dream he can immediately hold the woman because the sentence he threw was for her is different from what he experienced in real life. The sentence was not intended for him but for the man in the heart of Zahra, his beloved woman. It was something that weighed down his steps to get close to Zahra. Something complicated is present in the relationship of the two at this time.

He breathed his heavy breath. It feels heavy what he lived in his life this time, life after he was reunited with his beloved woman. The love he originally wanted to express was now restrained when he knew that there was another man Zahra loved in his heart. And it gets more complicated to know that the woman also has another man as her future life partner. Now Habibi regrets his decision. The deliberate decision he took to bring Zahra was here, nearby. Yes, it was Habibilah who deliberately chose Zahra to have the woman transferred to Jakarta after he saw a photo of Zahra attached to the data file of prospective transfer doctors.

Is this how hard it is to love Zahra? if Zahra had been happy with her life, maybe none of this would have made it difficult to keep her tight in her chest. Habibi knew very well that at this time Zahra was unhappy with her life, she could feel it on her own even more after many times seeing the woman cry.

Where is the man Zahra loves? Where did the man go until Zahra had to willingly accept another male proposal. Habibi's mind kept raging until one thing made him remember.

"Sorry.but can you not look like him? it's really painful for me to see him living in you. I'm not strong enough to withstand all the flavors I've been storing,"

"What does that guy look like to me? until you see it alive in me" Habibi murmured half in a whisper.

His net suddenly caught a light coming out of the phone that was in Zahra's hands. The phone turned on by itself, either because of an accidental touch from him who was holding Zahra's hand or what, he was also unconscious. But one thing that makes it glued when the phone screen shows a display in the form of a recording that previously played Zahra. Habibi's eyes were rounded when a writing was caught by his net, "The Habibi Love Letter to My Side".

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