THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA
TAFAKURS
Zahra stared at the silent night sky. His face looks sad. He only realized after so many years that he was now alone. There was no longer someone who used to accompany him to look at the beautiful night sky. In the past, he and Hafiz spent most of the night enjoying the beautiful sky, while making do'a so that they could get through old age together. But it seems like the do'a never reached through the sky because in reality only he alone who now began to step into the old age without a figure that used to always be beside him.
Zahra smiled wistfully if she thought back to her good times with her husband. The happy laughter that had always been etched was now turned into tears of pain. Never once did he feel happy again after the departure of that figure, other than when the presence of Raffa. His life seemed to be just a routine that did not need happiness in it. There is no color other than the color created by Raffa in his life.
Zahra was still smiling remembering everything. Something inside him rumbled violently to the point of producing a tightness in it. But there are no more tears flowing at the moment. Either because he was tired of going out or because of the warning of someone who made him now reluctant to appear.
"Zahra's fine, Bi, Raffa too. Zahra hope you calm down there. No need to worry anymore, Zahra promised Zahra would be happy. And I'm sorry if Zahra's happy she might have to forget our promise to be together there. But believe me, Zahra always loved you" Zahra said.
There was regret in him but a determination and conviction he had taken. He will accept whatever and whoever is his destiny. Ummi was right, non-healings only lead him to misery. His heart continued to hurt as he continued to embrace the pain. He should remember his sweet memories, not the pain when loved ones are not so sad as he is, then everything will not be as painful as it is now.
Not that he was not sincere, his heart only needed time to understand and adjust after his departure even though the time he needed was quite long and long considering the many painful things he had passed. There used to be no time that was not missed with him and that made it seem to depend on his presence. And his life was so perfect with the blessings of abundant happiness so no wonder if one by one the source of his happiness was taken away, he really fell to the point of not being able to make his heart rise again to step.
No creature is perfect in this world including Zahra. Maybe others will look down on remembering someone who has a more religious understanding like himself just as if unable to accept destiny with a big heart, he said, because actually all the things that happen in this world including death are none other than the will of Him so it is fitting as His creatures know the law.
Ali ibn Abi Talib once said "Do not involve your heart in sorrow over the past or you will not be ready for what is to come".
It's true, though, when our hearts continue to dwell on the time in which everything has passed, it makes us seem unable to accept all the things that are given now and in the future because of our unpreparedness to face it. And that's probably what happened to Zahra.
He was so focused and busy wandering in his past that he was not ready to accept what God is giving him right now. He only sees that what is given now is not as good as the past, including the matter of a mate. If you think about how much good God has given him. Good men and God's sholeh try to present to be solace for him but in fact he refused the raw blessing. Even though everything that happens in this life including a soul mate is His power. But then again, why did he not try to see the goodness so that he did not have to taste the pain of lara that increasingly hurt him.
It was time to let go of that pain. It is time for the wound to dry even if it has to be cut. It is time that he stopped sowing the same sins because the kufr will be in His favor. At least remember one thing, that the grace and the grace of God always accompany His creatures who are always grateful, grateful for anything including destiny that we do not want though.
"Say: "O My servants, who have set limits on themselves, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Allah forgives all sins. Verily, He is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful."
(QS. For Zumar:53)
Zahra realized that so far there had been many sins that he had accidentally or not realized he had done, one of which was delicious kufr. He forgot many other favors that God always gave him, he was too close his eyes and heart so far that only sadness he felt.
Subhanallah. How could she consider herself a pious woman for Alm. Father and husband if to be grateful he forgot. Astaghfirullahal.. May Allah always grant forgiveness for him and be kept away from His wrath.
"Thank you, Rabb.. You have reminded me. Thank you for rebuking me. Therefore I am not too far from You and Your mercy."
Zahra recalled Habibi's words after the Maghrib prayer yesterday, when he met the man again on the terrace of the Mosque.
"Doctor Zahra did you know that the wind does not blow to shake the trees but to test the strength of the roots? Similarly, why God presents a test in life, the reason is none other than to test our faith," said Habibi who immediately made Zahra silent while interpreting the purpose of the man's speech.
"Allah says in Surah al-Baqarah verse 155: And We will certainly give you a trial, with a little fear, hunger, lack of property, soul and fruit. Give glad tidings to those who are patient.'
Even Ali ibn Abi Talib once said 'Be sure, there is something waiting for you after a lot of patience (which you live), which will make you stunned until you forget how painful the pain is'," habibi continued without looking at Zahra.
Deggs..
The same sentence Hafiz once said when calming himself first. Zahra stared fixedly at Habibi's face from the side. He looked at the man carefully, as if looking for a gap in the difference between Habibi and Hafiz, Habibinya.
"Stop looking at me like that. No matter how much you seek, the figure you will never find in me" Habibi said, breaking Zahra's hopes and hopes.
Habibi seemed to understand the reason why the woman always behaved differently in front of him. He thought he might look like someone Zahra loved.
Zahra lowered her head in hiding the pain in her heart back then. Only by going from the presence of Habibi might the sense not get wider.
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Zahra received a call as she was about to enjoy her lunch in the hospital cafeteria with some doctors from her department. Immediately he got up and slightly moved away to receive the call that made his heart skip a beat. Not for nothing but this is the first time a male figure who has the status of his fiancee called after almost a month never to press each other for whatever reason.
Zahra normalized her heartbeat just before answering the phone so her voice wouldn't sound nervous.
"Assalamu'alaikum" said Zahra, pulling both ends of her lips up to make her voice sound as usual.
"Wa'alaikumus greetings, Ra," came the answer from across.
"What's up, Rid? Tumben called."
"It's wrong if I call my future wife."
Deggs..
Zahra gulped her saliva at Farid's reply, which sounded as if it reminded them of their status.
"Bu-not so I mean. um. mak.. "
"Yes I know what that means. It's also my fault that I never gave any news. I'm sorry, you're feeling uncomfortable" Farid cut.
"Hmmm.it's okay."
"Oh yeah. Ra's. Are you in the hospital now?"
"Yes, I'm in the hospital."
"Do I interrupt your time?"
"Not really."
"Can you go to the lobby now?" farid asked successfully to make Zahra frown.
"The lobby? which lobby?"
"Yes the lobby of the hospital where you work, which lobby again," said Farid sounding oddity softly after.
"You?"
"Hmmm. I'm waiting for ya" said Farid.
Zahra clasped her phone tightly as the call had been ended by someone across the street. He gathered strength to face the man.
"Sorry before, I didn't eat together. There is a sudden business" said Zahra politely to colleagues seprofesiinya.
"Keep your food?" ask doctor Liam while staring at a bowl of soto rice belonging to Zahra that has not been touched at all.
"Emmm.."
"How about for me, Doctor Zahra?" cut off a doctor who just arrived.
Zahra turned her face to the side.
"Doctor Alpha?"
"Hmmm.. can you? I happen to have not ordered food" said the doctor, who goes by the name dr. Alfaro Hussein, Sp. B.
Zahra spontaneously nodded.
"Huh, the intention is to look for free," said Dr. Anindya who is now standing next to the doctor Alfa.
"Yes from the mubazir, Nin."
"Yes ta. "the short-haired doctor's speech stopped when Zahra first made a sound.
"It's okay, doc. Sorry, I'm in a hurry. I say goodbye, assalamu'alaikum."
Zahra cuts first a small debate between doctors Alpha and Anindya doctors who are already familiar like that.
Zahra slightly ran towards the hospital lobby with a heartbeat that was increasingly hunting in her chest. In addition to his first meeting with the fiancee, of course because of other things that make him more anxious than that, Habibi. Zahra was afraid that Farid and Habibi would accidentally meet at this hospital. Zahra did not want anyone to know about Habibi, it would be too complicated, especially if his family later knew or saw Habibi directly. Enough Rania a person who knows it, even then only through talk not directly see the physical Habibi.
For the second time, he almost hit the same person. The difference is currently he is able to hold his own body without having the person he hit to hold it.
"Can't if you don't run? hem. You can fall doctor Zahra," said Habibi.
"I'm sorry, sir," said Zahra, bowing respectfully.
However Habibi is the Director of the Hospital where he works, a superior whom he should respect.
Habibi seemed to be breathing out.
"I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all."
Zahra raised her head, looking at someone who now seemed to be worrying about her.
Besides Habibi, the usually chatty beautiful girl is now just silent while smiling very sweetly. From the look of his eyes were seen two round eyeballs emitting a twinkle of happiness that only he was a person who knew its meaning.
"Where's Zahra going? why rush?" kayla asked with a face made so sweet.
Hearing that Zahra was surprised by surprise, he just remembered where his goal was going.
"Astaghfirullah.I'm sorry I have business. Assalamu'alaikum" said Zahra as she walked away leaving Habibi and Kayla who were now looking at her in confusion.
"Wa'alaikumus salam" replied Habibi slowly with eyes that continued to stare at Zahra's back which was getting away.
"Sister Zahra why the hell? it's weird," muttered Kayla.
Habibi just shook his head.
"Have not been the same as people's business, let's eat he said hungry," said Habibi as he breezed about to go to the canteen.
"Eat at the front restaurant only yes, sister," whined Kayla when Habibi had started to step foot.
"Cantin's the same, Kay. The food is still as good."
"Find a different atmosphere, sister," Kayla still whines spoiled.
Habibi exhaled his breath.
"Huh, yeah, it's ayuk."
Habibi stepped back followed by Kayla who was now beaming her face.
* * * * *
Zahra's steps slowed down even to a halt when she saw the tall and dashing figure staring at her with a shady look in the eyes. Seeming from the highlight stored the longing that had been in it. Zahra lowered her head as she saw both ends of Farid's lips raised to greet him.
"Assalamu'alaikum," greeted Farid without letting out a smile on his lips.
"Wa'alaikumus greetings," Zahra replied softly as she put on her smile.
"For so long as you don't meet, how are you?" ask Farid.
"As you can see, I'm fine" Zahra replied.
"Eat already?" ask Farid.
"Not yet" said Zahra briefly.
Farid's eyebrows shot up next to his frown.
"I haven't had time to eat my food, you're on the phone so I'm leaving it, '" Zahra said as she saw a confused look on Farid's face.
"I'm sorry. Oh yeah, there's still three hours from now until my flight time, so I can accompany you to a meal if you don't mind."
"Flighting?"
"Hem.. I have to go to Cairo this afternoon. Taking care of my S2 files that were delayed before" Farid explained.
Zahra was silent for a moment. I don't know what's on his mind right now.
"Not more than a week, I promise I'll be back" Farid said as if he knew Zahra's thoughts.
Hearing that, Zahra shook her head quickly. Quite once he was eaten by a promise that was in fact only a false hope. A promise that ultimately ends in injury.
"Don't promise anything" said Zahra.
Farid was silent but the next second he nodded in understanding.
"Where do we eat now?" ask Farid next.
"It will take a long time for you to go to the airport later because of traffic jams. We better find food near the airport so that later you do not miss the plane."
"What about you? isn't this going to interfere with your work?"
"This afternoon is free, there is no scheduled surgery or patient consultation, so it's okay" said Zahra, who was finally approved by Farid with a nod.
"Wait here for a second, I'll grab a bag in the room and invite friends so that we're not just two, '" broke up Zahra, who was taken back by Farid.
Not far from where they were standing, two people were silently staring at them meaningfully.
"Sister Il?"
"We eat in the cafeteria" Habibi broke up.
After saying that sentence he turned around before Zahra knew his whereabouts, leaving Kayla still silently looking towards Farid with a face difficult to interpret while holding up the phone that just rang.
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