THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA
FLAVOR STRANDS
If you think I'm okay
No. gabe. I was never okay
The wound is still so painful
This pain still feels bad
But I don't want to lament over this tightness
I prefer to make peace with this pain
That way I still have a little bit of power
To step into life
Hope one day a small lantern can replace the light of the sun
Gives a little light to a heart that has gone gray
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Zahra stepped out of the operating room. The first day he joined the Department of Surgery, until this afternoon he had done three surgeries, accompanied by Liam's doctor. Zahra exhaled while removing the disposable attribute she was using during the surgery and then dumped it where it was available, stepping into her locker. He took the sneli in the locker and then wore it to cover the blue OK shirt that still wrapped his body. With a quick gesture, Zahra grabbed the handbag containing her wallet and mobile phone.
"You want to go to the cafeteria? yuk, together," one of the doctors who became his partner in the operating room invited Zahra who had just come out of the locker room.
"Thank you doc but you go first, I want to go to the mosque first because it has not prayed dzuhur."
Zahra rejected the delicate doctor Liam Kim, a senior doctor who had a face typical of state ginseng.
"Do you want me to be with you?" jest doctor Liam.
Zahra smiled wryly while shaking her head.
"I still memorize the way to get there, doc," Zahra responded with a smile.
"Ha. ha. ha.ya already be careful on the way there, such as something disturbing do not hesitate to remove the flagship weapon," said Liam doctor.
"Featured weapon?" Zahra frowned.
"Surgical knife ha. ha. ha. ha.." Liam's doctor replied as he walked away from Zahra.
Zahra gave a smile as she shook her head.
Zahra walked down the aisle of the hospital half-run. The time has shown at 13.45 WIB at this time. His third operation began at 11.00 WIB and only ended 13.30 WIB, five minutes ago so he had not had time to perform dzuhur prayer.
Brugg's..
Zahra's body accidentally hit someone right around the last corner of the mosque. He almost fell backwards if only someone's hand was not able to hold his waist.
The two neutrals met and locked each other in close proximity. It didn't take long because seconds later the two recited Istighfar simultaneously. Both Zahra and Habibi immediately straightened his body.
"I'm sorry" they said back together.
Zahra lowered her head while Habibi turned her gaze in the other direction.
"Thank you,"
Zahra raised her head while staring for a moment. Habibi smiled a little.
"Hmmm.the next time be careful," Zahra nodded and said goodbye.
With his head lowered, Zahra stepped out of his legs leaving Habibi still silent in place.
"Are you okay?" zahra's steps came to a halt as the voice came back for her.
Zahra sighed deeply and turned her body to face Habibi who was now looking at her.
"I'm fine as you can see" said Zahra, smiling as her tears welled up in her eyes, as hard as she could to keep her from falling.
Habibi looked at Zahra expressionlessly but from the look of his eyes it seemed that the man was looking for the truth from the words thrown by the woman in front of him.
"liks. You're lying to me."
"So soon, the time is running out" Habibi said, nodding slowly.
Zahra who understood Habibi's intentions immediately turned around. Just as the body turned around, the tears that he had held back with all his might finally shed their cheeks.
"I'm really not okay. No matter how much I hold back, your presence still hurts me."
Zahra set her foot with a flailing heart. Her tears had already run down the river on her face.
"What makes you cry for me? what mistake did I make that left you so deeply hurt? Can't you just tell me why I'm not worried about you?"
Habibi stared silently at Zahra's trembling body. His look looked sad. His fierce encounter with Zahra further raised the curiosity that had lodged in his heart from the beginning.
"Why tears should you always treat when you meet me."
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Zahra raised his hand after performing the dzuhur prayer. Lately, precisely after his meeting with Habibi, the rumble in his heart was getting worse. Tears that he usually can withstand even as if he is unable to control it more especially if in front of the man, the man who made him remember the lover of the heart, especially if in front of him, the man who made it difficult to withstand the turmoil of feeling that had been hidden, the man who he had not realized had made him soar his emotions.
"O Allah, forgive Your servant who is always inattentive to Your commandments. Forgive me for all the sins and deeds I have done. Give me strength, Lord, to face all these trials. Give me a heart as strong as steel when I confront him.
*God h*Shall You test me like this? it's too hard for a servant to go through all this. It's too much heartache when all hope and hope come back.
I know this is only part of your test. You only want to test how much the servant's heart is willing to let go. And how determined the servant is to begin and accept a new life with another man.
To You I give this life. To You I leave this body and soul. Please, Lord, hold this heart so that I do not return to hang all my hopes on other than You. And suffice all these things so that I may not be Your weak and corrupt creature of Thy favor.
O God, I leave him to you. Put him in the best place by Your side. Tell her my miss. Tell him not to worry about his wife and son because we'll be fine. And tell him that we always love him.
Zahra rubbed her face that had been flooded with tears. After reciting and praying, he took the time to read the Qur'an before moving back to his work.
Zahra sat on the terrace of the mosque while leaning on one of the pillars behind him. His soul and body were feeling tired at this moment. Many things he has gone through and drain everything, both energy and emotions. I really want him to rest for a moment. His intention to rest himself from all things that drain his energy and organize his heart, seems to have to be stopped because of the presence of Habibi.
It's his position that makes it difficult at the moment. His desire to find out about Habibi's true figure must be swallowed raw when he realizes that he has tied a promise with another man. Farid's presence could not be ignored. Zahra did not have enough courage to hurt the man's heart even though until this moment his heart still rejected the figure of Farid. And Habibi's presence further strengthened Hafiz's position in his heart.
"Zahra is confused, Bi. Where should Zahra determine this step. There are many hearts at stake right now. There was much hope that was placed on Zahra. Should Zahra sacrifice Zahra's feelings for you just to see them all smile happily? or rather Zahra fought for Zahra's heart and promise to you despite knowing that many hearts would be hurt by it" Zahra murmured with a long sigh and let out a heavy sigh.
Zahra looked up at the now shady sky.
"Zahra longs for your words that always calm the heart" he said with a bitter smile looking up at the sky.
"Zahra longs for your shady gaze and warm smile," Zahra paused her sentence for a moment while controlling her heart so as not to re-expose it with a cry.
"Zahra also misses your gentle rubbing on Zahra's head."
Zahra looked at the sky as if it was displaying a series of memories of her beautiful past. His smile began to rise when the figure of Hafiz seemed to appear there and greet him.
"So fast time passed, Bi, but so short of our togetherness. Even though so many things that we went through together up to seven years were not even able to erase all the memories of you," Zahra again muttered to herself.
"If the universe permits. Zahra wants to be the only one for you like you that makes Zahra the only angel in your life" he continued.
Her tears began to slowly drip. Zahra leaned her head up.
"You must be sad to see Zahra like this, right Bi? because your hands can't wipe Zahra's tears anymore."
"I'm sorry Zahra worried you."
Zahra wiped her tears.
"Shall Zahra receive Farid? so he can represent you, wipe away these tears."
"Zahra is sure you'll be jealous to see Zahra with him, right?"
Zahra smiled in her tears, remembering how jealous Hafiz was.
"Zahra misses when you sulk out of jealousy."
"I'm sorry if Zahra always has to cry when she remembers you," she said, choking slightly as her tears kept flowing.
"It's your fault, Bi. Why did you ask Zahra to wait for you. Why do you have to say you will come back and ask Zahra to take care of Zahra's heart and love for you. Do you not know that your words bind Zahra's heart. Don't you know that it hurts Zahra, because your words are a painful hope for Zahra. Until when Zahra will have to wait for all this to come off. Your love holds Zahra's heart too tightly."
Zahra sobbed softly while slapping her head on her knees.
Those tears are dripping. His heart was like a sharp dagger when he heard all the outpouring of hearts from a woman who was now crying violently behind him.
Their current positions are leaning against each other on the same support pole. Zahra who was unaware of the presence of anyone nearby. While Habibi, the initial intention to return to the mosque only to take the watch that was left behind actually ended up sitting behind the pillar that Zahra sandari. Zahra's curiosity made her drag both her legs closer, especially when she saw the woman looking cool with her world while looking up at the sky.
"Is that the burden you carry? Is it that deep wound that sticks in your heart that I can only see that painful cry and sob out of your beautiful eyes and lips?
God, if you will, make me an antidote to his wounds. Allow me to be someone who has the right to wipe away her tears, someone who has the power to embrace her body to channel calmness and strength to her.
Although I knew it would be difficult to reach his heart that was bound to that person. But I believe in You, no one is more powerful than You, the Owner of the Heart of every servant."
Habibi stood up from his place and then stepped out of Zahra which was still sinking in his position.
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This afternoon Zahra had an appointment with Meysha at one of the cafes near the Hospital. After he checked his college schedule, he immediately rushed to the cafe. It did not take long to arrive at the cafe because the location of the campus is adjacent to the Hospital. Meysha arrived and sat down at one of the tables as Zahra stepped into the cafe.
"Assalamu'alaikum, Mey."
"Wa'alaikumus greetings. Sit down, Ra."
Zahra pulled the chair that was right in front of Meysha. The girl had previously appeared to be reading, as Zahra walked into the cafe.
"It's too busy, Ra. It's hard to meet you even though it's one place to work" Meysha lamented.
Zahra smiled at Meysha's sulking.
"New process of adaptation, Mey so sorry if I was a little busy," said Zahra a little unpleasant with his friend this one.
"Little thing, really yes," said Meysha with cute pursed lips.
"Oh my God, Mey, it's like my girlfriend you're wearing that sulk. You are also a doctor, you know how busy my work is," joked Zahra while shaking her head at Meysha's behavior.
Hearing that Meysha just clucked.
"You're having PMS, Mey? or maybe you just broke up with your boyfriend?" guess Zahra.
"Allahu Rabbi. How about breaking up Ra, people just haven't," I'm Meysha with a face of despair.
"Unrequited love?"
"Not yet, Ra. I'm still confused about my heart."
"meaning?"
"I still have doubts, Ra. I'm afraid that the feeling I have for her is only as an escape from my heartache."
"Mey?"
"I've failed to get married, Ra," Meysha lowered her head.
"God must have had a better plan for you, Mey," Zahra comforted.
Never thought if this friend had a bad experience that was quite painful.
"I know, Ra. It's just that it's hard to remove the wound."
Zahra smiled bitterly, there were no words that she could say to comfort because she herself also had wounds that until now she was unable to treat.
"I put too much hope in her that the feeling I had for her was too deep. And that's why this wound still imprints even though it's been a long time."
Zahra was still silent looking at Meysha who was now in tears.
"You must be happy, Ra can live with that Avocado Juice."
"Avocado Juice?" Zahra frowned, confused by the words Meysha had spoken. Who's avocado juice?
Meysha narrowed her eyes in response to Zahra's confusion.
"The man who used to be faithful waits for you in college. That FE child who never absent bring avocado juice for you. Who's his name? forgot me."
Zahra thought for a moment and then suddenly giggled.
"Why, remember? bad you, Ra. Super considerate guy like him, you forget. Eits, wait.. lest you guys break up?"
Meysha's teary eyes are now turning to be curious about Zahra's story.
"He was waiting for his wife who was soon giving birth" Zahra said, making Meysha's eyes perfectly round.
The girl swallowed her saliva before she spoke again.
"You got married to him?" meysha sounds great.
Zahra nodded and showed her sad face.
"Astaghfirullahal'adzim, I think his love is really the same as yours. How can? I can tell he's wasting a godly woman like you."
Zahra held back her laughter. It was very desirable for him to say that he was the quality for having wasted a man as good as Andrie. Yes, the male called Si Juus Avocado by Meysha is Andrie. During college, Andrie did routinely every day bring him avocado juice especially when Zahra was pregnant with Raffa. The man was always faithfully waiting for his college hours or practice to end. Bring avocado juice, bring a stock of fruits, snacks, or anything that is clearly his attention is misinterpreted by his friends. Those who do not know Zahra is pregnant, assume that Andrie and Zahra are dating.
Zahra smiled recalling Andrie's struggle. The man he broke his heart twice. The man who up to this point has always treated her well, loves Raffa like his own son.
"Ra?"
"He's my brother" said Zahra.
"Sister?" shocked Meysha.
"It can be said like that, we've been together since childhood. Our parents are also friends even their parents consider me their daughter" Zahra said.
"Why don't you just get married? it's good to know each other and know the inside."
"The fool is God's power, Mey. And I'm more comfortable with our current relationship."
"You are right and love cannot be forced" Meysha said, nodding.
"Mey, I want maghrib. It looks like we pray in the hospital mosque first, only after we go to the apartment" said Zahra.
"Have you brought all your things?" ask Meysha.
"It has. Just two suitcases and now it's in the car."
Meysha nodded and the two left the cafe for the mosque in the hospital.
This afternoon Zahra decided to move into a special employee apartment and happened to Meysha was one of the residents there. Although the girl was a native of Jakarta, Meysha chose to live in an apartment. The reason is that the distance of his house to the hospital is very far apart besides that the sudden call from the Hospital makes it more comfortable and safe to live in an apartment that is located closer.
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Thank God, one part has been resolved.
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Jazakallah Khairan..🙏🙏
