THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA

OVERVIEW..

Don't involve your heart in sadness over the past or you won't be ready for what's to come.

Ali Bin Abi Thalib

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After performing the prayer, Zahra and Meysha walked to the hospital canteen. This afternoon happened to be both Zahra and Meysha had free time together so they decided to have lunch together.

"Where is Ra, at home in the Department of Surgery?" meysha asked as the two walked towards the canteen.

Zahra smiled in response.

"Thank God, Mey. If for the scope of work has been common from the past as well, now only need to adapt to the doctors there, especially those who are partners in the operating room," said Zahra.

"Doctors in the Department of Surgery are famous for being handsome, cool, and friendly again, Ra. It must have been a quick chemistry" whispered Meysha.

Zahra smiled again as she shook her head.

"Don't the man who caught your attention right now, one of them huh?" guess Zahra.

Instead of answering, Meysha chuckled.

"Nothing caught your attention, Ra?" Zahra just shook her head without answering.

Not yet he tells the story of his life full of twists on Meysha including the reason or purpose of himself could be here other than because of the assignment.

"It seems I've never seen you hook up with a boy, Ra even since college except with the Avocado Juice."

"Andrie's name is, Mey. It's not just me, you're Mey."

"Because I have a reason, Ra."

"Because of your failure?"

"Hmmm.." said Meysha softly while nodding.

Zahra also breathed.

"If you're not a match, it's a sign that God has prepared someone better than him for you, Mey."

"But to me he's the best, Ra."

"You think but not according to God. Someone you want doesn't mean he's the best, Mey. God knows that better."

"What about you? I think the reason you're still alone is because you also keep someone in your heart, Ra. Someone you can't have. And your heart can't get away from it yet, right?. Just like me," said Meysha who now seemed to corner Zahra.

Zahra also stopped stepping, examining the meaning of Meysha's words.

"Not the same, Mey. Because I once had it. The memories we built and we had seemed to be the chains that bound my life with her to this very moment."

Meysha's steps came to a halt, with the look on Zahra's face that began to wistfully.

"Ra?"

"We've been married, Mey," Zahra said.

"But God loves him more. That's why he took it from me before we carved out even more memories" Zahra said.

"Sorry, I'm not.."

"There's nothing, Mey. It's my destiny and he's like this" Zahra said, displaying her smile.

Meysha brought her body closer and grabbed Zahra while gently rubbing her arm.

"I guess I'm the only one who suffered from her loss, it turns out you're even more than me, Ra. I'm sorry, if I can't talk right now because of how you feel, I feel it too" Meysha said.

Zahra turned her head towards Meysha. Look at the eyeballs with wounds in it.

"We fought together, Mey."

Zahra smiled cheeringly. Meysha nodded while wiping away the tears that had dripped.

The two clasped each other as if they were encouraging their hearts that were both wounded.

* * * * *

The atmosphere of the hospital staff's special canteen seemed crowded because it coincided with lunch hours. Some tables are filled. Zahra and Meysha walked to the empty table, which was right by the window.

"Ra, what do you want to eat? let me order. You just wait here" Meysha said.

"Just like your choice, Mey."

Meysha nodded then stepped towards the food vendor's place.

While waiting for Meysha to order food, Zahra turned on her phone screen which she had turned off. There were some messages coming from his friends. One by one, he began to open it.

Amih L**attang🌟🌟**

Ra, A' Angga and I went back to Bandung. God gave birth here. Later if the holiday work here yes, look at me. Bosen nih, left A' Angga working.😔😔

Zahra smiled reading a message from her best friend who was waiting for the birth of her first son. In addition to cheerful, Lintang used to be a super chatty girl even every time they all gathered, only the sounds of Latitude and Kemal more often dominate. And now after getting married and containing the fruits of his love with Andrie, the girl turned spoiled even her indulgence level at normal limits. Lucky Andrie is a loving and patient figure so he never complained about the attitude of the latitude that was too troublesome.

Zahra replied to a short Latitude message, as usual "God willing, O Bumil". After replying to Lintang's message, Zahra opened another message. One of them was a message from Rania.

Ummah Khalisa🌻🌻

Ra, said Ummi, Raffa would like to be schooled at my place? If yes, then I will help you register and fill out the form, because you already want to close wave 1.

Zahra immediately typed a reply for Rania.

Z**ahra to Ummah Khalisa*🌻🌻

Yes, Ran. Raffa asks for a school with Khalisa. I'm asking for help, you take care of everything. Pity Ummi and Abi because they still bother to take care of Qais.

Shortly after Zahra sent a reply message to Rania, another message came in.

Abah Khalisa

Well, I guess we'll make this, Ra. Raffa and Khalis do not want to be separated.

Zahra's forehead is wrinkled.

*ahra to Abah Khalisa**

Just pray for the best for them, Mal. Hope match.

Raffa again the same?

Abah Khalisa

Yes, it happened to meet when Farid and Raffa stopped by the Cafe, along with Khalisa and Ummah came here.

Zahra was silent after reading a message from Kemal. Farid and Raffa to the cafe?. Zahra had not yet thought further, someone greeted her.

"Sister Zahra wants to eat too?"

Zahra looked up to turn her attention towards the source of the sound. The smile that was about to come out is now restrained. Kayla stood side by side with Habibi who was right in front of her. Zahra looked at the two for a moment before replying. He also pulled the tip of his lips slightly towards Kayla ignoring the figure of Habibi.

"You want to eat too, Kay?" ask Zahra.

"Yes, we want to eat, brother. Um, can we join in here because the other table's all filled up."

Zahra nodded in response to Kayla's words.

"Who's brother Zahra?"

"Sama doc.. "

"Sister Ilash, Kayla?" said Meysha cutting while carrying a tray containing her and Zahra's food. Spontaneous Zahra immediately stood up grabbing the tray in Meysha's hand and putting it on the table.

"Why are you here?" said Kayla ketus.

Zahra who had just put down the tray suddenly looked at Kayla who now looked fiercely at Meysha. Meysha flirted, instead turning her attention to the man beside Kayla.

"Sister Ilash, want to eat? Want Mey..."

"No need to be so intimate," Kayla cut off with a hostile look.

"Kayla, take care of your manners" Habibi said sounding stern.

Kayla rolled her eyeballs towards Habibi, revealing her disappointed face.

"Sit down, what do you want to eat? let me order it," said Meysha still sounding friendly.

"Not to be so good. We don't need your attention."

Again, Kayla spoke bitterly to Meysha.

"Kayla," Habibi's repressive reprimand kept Kayla silent for a moment.

Zahra was still silent in her position, staring at the three with a puzzled look. There was no long sound of long breaths from Habibi.

"Kay, can order food now. Brother is hungry," Habibi said with a soft tone back.

Kayla was silent for a moment before finally stepping towards the food seller.

"You, eat" Habibi said, pulling a chair in front of Zahra.

Hearing Habibi's words, Zahra and Meysha sat down again.

"I'm sorry Kayla did, Mey" Habibi said, breaking the silence that was created a few minutes ago.

Meysha looked up her head while looking at Habibi. A pull on his lips back he forced, just to say that he was fine.

"It's okay, Brother. Kayla deserves to be angry with Meysha. Kayla's right, I'm you.."

"It's not your fault, Mey. Kayla just can't accept all this yet. I hope you can understand" Habibi said, cutting off Meysha's sentence.

"Then what about Ilash? is Brother Ilash willing to accept all this?"

Meysha's question successfully made Habibi speechless. In silence, he glanced at Zahra who was still loyal to his head while eating his food. The woman looked as if she seemed unconcerned by what the two people nearby were talking about.

"Sister Ilash can't accept Me yet.."

Drrr... Drrrttt

Zahra's phone ring stopped Meysha's next sentence. Habibi and Meysha stared at Zahra.

Zahra stared at the phone screen displaying the caller's name, "Ummi". He was about to get up from his seat to receive a call from Ummi Maryam, but his movements stopped as the sound of someone interrupting him to stay in place.

"Let's just be here."

Habibi's voice was commanding. For a moment Zahra looked at Habibi and then Meysha, alternating. Zahra took her breath before returning to her seat and raised her call.

"Assalamu'alaikum, Ummi," Zahra said softly.

"Wa'alaikumus hail, Nduk. What are you doing now? Ummi bothers no?"

"No, Mi. Zahra is eating. Ummi why?" zahra asked as the voice across there sounded anxious.

"You're okay, aren't you, Nduk? ummi's feelings from yesterday are not good, every time you remember," Ummi honestly.

Zahra swallowed his saliva while staring at Habibi. Ummi's concern for him seemed to show a bond that was more than just in-laws and daughters-in-law. Ummi seemed to feel what Zahra was feeling right now.

"Mother.. Zahra..?" call Ummi when Zahra is silent.

"Astaghfirullah, Yes Ummi."

"You're all right, Nduk?"

Zahra sighed while putting on her sweet smile as if Ummi Maryam was in front of her.

"Zahra is fine, Ummi. Ummi need not worry or worry, God willing Zahra will always be fine thanks to do'a Ummi and Abi of course."

"Alhamdulillah if you are well, Nduk. Remember that there's nothing immediately call Ummi or Abi."

Zahra smiled at the attention of Ummi-in-law, a woman who was like her own mother.

"Ummi Sure. Just do it, Mi order Zahra is always given ease and health."

"Without your asking, Ummi and Abi always pray for the best for you."

"Thank you, Ummi."

"Yes. Oh yes, Nduk, how is your relationship with Farid? is there progress?"

Zahra was stunned to hear Ummi Maryam's question. Relationship with Farid? He's been here for almost three weeks, but only twice have he and Farid messaged. So what kind of progress does Ummi expect? Zahra was too embarrassed to send the man a message first. As for Farid, it seemed that he was not the type of man to show his attention intensely. Farid seemed to still hold firm to his belief to keep his limits even though they were both engaged.

"Mother?"

"Yes, Mi."

"Use this one year well. Know all about Farid so that your doubts about him disappear. Rest assured, he's a good man to you and Raffa".

"Not Zahra doubted Farid, Ummi. Akhlak and his family background of course Zahra knows very well. It's just.. Ummi know what Zahra means?" Zahra lowered her voice.

Actually he was uncomfortable if someone else heard or knew his life, exactly as it is today. Although Habibi and Meysha seemed unconcerned, the two men heard what he was talking about with Umm Maryam.

Habibi seemed to concern himself with tinkering at his phone even though there was nothing important. He did not want to be too obvious to listen to the conversation of the woman in front of him. Only occasionally did he look up and stare silently at Zahra's beautiful face. The curvature on his lips grew as the smile rose on Zahra's lips. His heart also felt rustling when he heard the soft voice of Zahra singing melodiously. During this time only the woman's flat or vibrating voice was always heard by her. And today, Habibi was silent feeling that taste in his heart. Like not wanting to miss it, Habibi even ignored Meysha who had bribed food into her mouth while occasionally staring at the handsome man's face alternating with Zahra's face with a meaningful look. Meysha's current presence seemed invisible to Habibi.

"Sir.."

"Zahra is trying, Ummi. Trying to accept Farid's presence in Zahra's life. All of that can not be instant, Zahra needs time to set Zahra's heart. Zahra needed time to release the taste that had been shackling Zahra's heart. Zahra was sure Farid could understand, Ummi."

"Hafiz, Nduk. Ummi please release him. Don't burden him with the doubts that have been in your heart all this time. Ummi please, let him in your heart. Love him accordingly, don't torture yourself."

Tests..

Zahra's tears flowed upon hearing Umm Maryam's trembling voice.

"Zahra su's.."

"No, Nduk. You didn't completely shake his departure. Your heart still holds doubts, your heart still denies the truth that Hafiz has died. Nduks.. "

"What if what Zahra believed was the truth, Ummi? What if Hafiz is still hi.. "

Zahra stared fixedly at Habibi's face with tears.

"Astaghfirullahal 'adzim. istighfar Nduk. Where did you get that kind of thinking? Remember, it's been seven years since his departure. You clearly saw his corpse back then. What makes you doubt His destiny?" Ummi started sobbing.

Zahra clutched her skirt tightly, there was guilt in her heart for making her wingless angel shed tears because of her. His tears had flowed into the river, he no longer cared about the two people who were now looking at him fixedly.

"I'm sorry Zahra, Ummi."

"This is what Ummi was worried about all this time, Nduk. Your love for Hafiz is far greater than your love for its Creator. Remember, God will be very angry with you. Do you not know that Nduk, your disbelief in His destiny leads you to misery?

Zahra, almost all the time Hafiz has had in his life he has spent with Ummi and you only feel that it is no more than three years. Try to imagine how destroyed Ummi when Ummi saw his beloved son Ummi stiffened. How destroyed Ummi's heart when Hafiz first faced Him before Ummi.

Zahra princess Ummi. Ummi felt what you felt all along. Ummi felt all the pain you felt. But, don't you remember what Hafiz always wanted from you? Hafiz wants you to be his holy woman. What have you been doing for seven years? doesn't what you've been doing all this time keep you away from that word.

It is the fruit and essence of faith. How can you call yourself a believer if you do not have the sincerity of destiny given to you.

Allah SWT said (which means): Say (Muhammad): “Verily my prayer, my worship, my life and my death are only for Allah, the Lord of all realms.” (QS. al-An’aam [6]: 162)

in addition, Allah SWT also said in another verse (which means), “Padahat they are only commanded to worship Allah, sincerely obeying Him solely because (running) religion, and also to perform prayer and practice zakat; and that is the religion of the straight (right).” (QS. al-Bayyinah [98]: 5)

Be the Zahra that Hafiz knew first. The woman of prayer whom he was always proud of, the Angel whom he always thanked for his presence.

Nduk.sikhlasnya is the best way for you to love him at this time. To recite it is the highest honor you can give Hafiz for the last time. Ummi does not want to break your thoughts, nor does he want to destroy the taste that you have been guarding. Ummi just wants you to be happy. Ummi does not want the love between you to hinder your happiness. Keep your love in your deepest heart. Let go of all that has burdened you to this day, for the worded promise of two men will be cut off after one of them dies.

Abud Darda radhiallahu ‘anhu once said,

"I heard Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said,

أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ تُوُفِّيَ عَنْهَا زَوْجُهَا, فَتَزَوَّجَتْ بَعْدَهُ فَهِيَ لآخِرِأَزْوَاجِهَا.

‘Whichever wife dies her husband, then remarries after her husband's death, she is with her last husband.’

Ummi knows, your desire to be the wife of Hafiz in the end will be so strong that it makes you reject many men who come to propose. But Nduk, look at you. Seven years spent with sadness. You forget how to smile sincerely, you forget how to be happy. Your life has been full of compulsion and full of pretense. You force yourself to be okay but not with your heart, you pretend to smile happily but you are actually holding your pain and pain until you forget the meaning and purpose of this life.

You're a smart woman. Ummi is sure you understand what Ummi means. Sincere is your first step at this time to reach for his ridho. No practice is accepted if there is still doubt in your heart in living this life. Bring it all together because of Allah, sure that Allah will open your heart, melt the frozen heart, and soften the hardened heart. You're quite resigned yourself. Khusnudzon for the destiny that He has outlined for you, including the fate that will make you have to marry Farid.

Pray for Hafiz in every prayer. And begin to convince your heart to learn to accept Farid so that later after you and Farid get married, your path to reach his Ridho' is easier."

Ummi ended his long sentence with the remains of crying still heard.

Zahra looked up at Habibi. The man seemed to smile at Zahra with his hands outstretched giving a handkerchief. Zahra was silent for a moment and grabbed the handkerchief while she smiled her sweet smile.

"Thank you" he said softly.

Habibi nodded with a smile still on his lips.

"Ali bin Abi Tholib once said.

I have felt all the bitterness in life and the most bitter thing is to hope in people" Habibi said, pausing his words for a moment.

"Imam Shafi'i also narrated a hadith.

'When your heart has too much hope in someone, then God has placed on you the pain of hope to know that God is very jealous of those who hope in other than Him, Allah hinders from this only so that he returns to hope to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.'

Doctor Zahra, I hope you are not among them" Habibi added, rising from his seat.

He stepped out of the two women who were now looking at him meaningfully, following Kayla who was still waiting in line at the food reservation.

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Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi..

Thank God one part is back after a long time.

Happy Reading in the midst of busy welcoming Eid Al-Fitr Day.😊😊

"Taqabbalallahu minna wa minkum, shiyamana wa shiyamakum, kulla ‘amin wa antum bikhoir."

Minal a'idin wal fa'idzin, sorry bathin. 🙏🙏

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