THE LOVE OF LOVE, AZZAHRA

DISHEARTENED

"I'll take care of Meysha like uncle asked."

Three days had passed but the words continued to ring in Zahra's ears. His heart seemed to crumble dimly as his memories returned that day. The day Habibi said the words that broke his heart. Not Habibi but Hafiz. In his eyes the man was Hafiz, his Habibinya.

"It looks like Zahra is out of her mind, Bi, for loving you. Even that man isn't you but why Zahra's heart can be this sick."

Zahra tried to clear that thought, removing Hafiz's shadow on Habibi. He remembered the words Habibi had spoken at the time.

"Stop looking at me like that. No matter how much you seek, the figure you will never find in me."

Habibi was right, Zahra would never find the figure of Hafiz in the man because he was not the person he had longed for. No matter how strong his love is right now but Zahra has to open her eyes and heart. That love for Hafiz is not Habibi. So why did he have to be hurt when Habibi said he promised to look after Meysha. His heart was wrong, which again chose to be hurt.

Ting..

A message came into his phone. Zahra grabbed the phone she had placed on the table.

"Assalamu'alaikum, the future of makmum. Did you sleep?"

Zahra sighed for a moment after reading the message from Farid. What he really did. Thinking about other men so strong that he forgot there was a man who was his fiancee, who was struggling to make him fall in love with her.

Astarghfirullah's.. Zahra touched his chest while gently rubbing. Zahra immediately typed a reply message for Farid.

Before long, a ringing phone from Zahra's phone signaled a call coming in. Without seeing the name of the caller on the phone screen, Zahra immediately picked it up. He knew it was Farid because after replying to his message, the man asked permission to call him.

"Assalamu'alaikum" hail Zahra.

"Wa'alaikumus greetings, Ra."

"Not sleeping yet? isn't it in Indonesia at nine o'clock."

"Still in the hospital, Rid. There's a sudden operation at half eleven."

"That night? why not morning or afternoon? how will you go home?" farid's voice sounded worried about him.

"The name was also sudden so unscheduled in advance. I'll be home in the morning after dawn prayers, tonight I'll sleep in the hospital" Zahra said.

"Is it always like this?"

"Again, not always."

"Zahra."

"Hmmm..."

"I'm worried about you."

"I've been doing this job for years now when I was in college. So you don't have to worry like that. Just pray, may I always be given health and can always be beneficial for the crowd."

"Without you asking, I always pray for you even years ago. My do' remains the same. May you always be in His mercy and mercy."

"Thank you, Rid."

"But one month ago, my prayers increased."

"What?"

"May God set love in your heart for me when we are lawful."

Deggs..

There was nothing wrong with Farid's do'a but it seemed to slap Zahra's heart. When Farid kept the temple of do'a on him, he did not even think to ask God for his heart to fall on him. He was too busy looking at a Habibi who looked like Hafiz. He was too busy hoping that Habibi would be Hafiz. He was too busy crying over facts that did not match his expectations.

Astarghfirullah's.. Allahu akbar.. The Most Forgiving, Forgive me for all my sins and filth.

"Zahra?" call Farid across there.

"Eh? Yep.. Athaghfirullah, sorry Rid."

"Don't daydream a lot, isn't that dangerous for a surgeon like you?"

"It's not daydreaming, it's just thinking about something" elak Zahra.

"Oh yeah?"

"Farid."

"Yes." Yeah."

"Thank you for loving me, and I'm sorry if until now you had to fight alone."

"It's not really my desire to love you, Ra, especially when I find out, you and Hafiz are together. I also don't know why God set this love in my heart for you even after so many things have happened. I just go with the flow, following where this story will end. If you are the end of my journey then I will be very grateful. However, if it turns out that the end of my journey is not going to you, I just hope that God takes this feeling out and replaces it with what it should be" Farid said sounding sincere, he hopes Zahra will be the end of his journey.

"I don't want you to get hurt if in the end we don't match."

"It's too complicated for us to think about Zahra right now because it's about the soul mate who knows better. Even though you are my fiancee at this time but do not rule out the possibility that this relationship will end before we bring it to safety, because God has full power in regulating the soul of his servant. Right now all I know and can do is continue to pray, plead and seduce Him to be willing to make you a complement to my faith and perfect my religion."

"It will be very lucky that the woman you are with will be, Farid."

"I wish you were that woman."

"Amiinn, God willing, may God match us."

"Zahra."

"Yes?"

"Three more days God willing I'll go home."

"Hmmm.be careful on the way."

"What did I bring you from Egypt?"

"What is typical of Egypt?"

"Much."

"Anything is okay, the important thing can be useful."

"Zahra."

"Yes." Yeah."

"She has a greeting for you."

"Greetings? From whom?" Zahra frowned, she did not feel she had any Egyptian friends.

"Greetings from the future priest."

"Allahu akbar.." lirih Zahra was a little aghast while turning her face to the side as if Farid was in front of her. His face had met with red especially when he heard Farid's naughtiness from across there.

"There's no reply?"

"Ih, kam.. "

"Doctor Zahra," someone's voice stopped Zahra's words.

Zahra looked towards the source of the voice, and saw Liam standing in the doorway with a hand gesture as if telling Zahra that it was time for them to prepare before the operation was carried out. Spontak Zahra looked at the wall clock, at 21:50. Zahra nodded at Doctor Liam who was still standing in his place.

"Farid, sorry. It's time I get ready to go to the operating room."

"Yes, I hope the operation goes well. Take good care of yourself. Don't forget to eat and rest."

"Amelina.. Yes I said yes, assalamu'alaikum."

"Wa'alaikumus greetings."

After hanging up the phone, Zahra put her phone in her snack pocket and headed for the operating room.

* * * * *

After performing dawn prayers at the hospital mosque, Zahra prepared to return to her apartment. He will return to the hospital later in the day. The atmosphere of the apartment building is not much different from the hospital, quiet and silent there are only two security guards who serve in the front post.

Zahra's steps stopped when she saw someone sitting on the floor hugging his knees right in front of her door. With slow steps and probing eyes ascertaining who the woman was, Zahra drew closer to her.

"Kaila?" call Zahra a little doubtful.

The woman looked up at Zahra with a pale face and a glare. His body seemed to tremble slightly but he could still pull the tip of his lips upwards.

"Subhanallah, Kayla."

Immediately Zahra grabbed Kayla's body.

"When have you been here? you have a fever, Kay," said Zahra in a slight panic, her face looking anxious.

"Let's get up, Kay. We're in, you need to rest."

Zahra's strength helped Kayla to stand up and let the helpless girl's body into her apartment. After laying Kayla in the room, Zahra rushed to the kitchen. He made porridge and prepared some medicine that he deliberately kept just in case he needed it.

Two hours later, Zahra tried to wake Kayla so that she would eat the porridge and take the medicine.

"Why didn't you call me last night? I'll be able to go home after last night's operation" Zahra said as she fed the porridge into Kayla's mouth.

"Kayla didn't think it was there" Kayla replied, smilingly displaying a row of her teeth.

"Sister Zahra going to the hospital now?" kayla asked when she saw that Zahra had taken a bath and was tidy.

"Later in the afternoon, Kay. But if you need company, I can take leave."

Kayla shakes.

"I'm going to the hospital too, brother."

"You still have a fever, Kay. Just rest first."

"So much medicine and rest soon will also heal, Brother."

Zahra exhaled, Kayla is stubborn so there is no point in continuing to ask her to stay and rest in her apartment.

"Kayla can stay here for a while, right, sister?"

Zahra smiled as she rubbed Kayla's head.

"Let's as you want and as you like."

"Thank you, Brother."

Zahra knew the problem Kayla was facing even though the girl did not tell her. And now maybe he is avoiding the figure of Habibi or people who have something to do with the events three days ago.

"Yes rest, if you need something just call it don't bother," said Zahra after helping Kayla take her medicine.

Move Zahra stalled by Kayla's question, as she moved to return the dirty bowl and glass to the kitchen.

"This who's Brother? how old is he?" kayla asked as she pointed at the photo above the nightstand.

Zahra put her tray filled with bowls and glasses, next to the photo that is now the center of Kayla's attention.

"Raffa's name, three months ago she was even six years old" Zahra said, carving a smile as she looked at a picture of herself being hugged and kissed by Raffa.

"Nephew Brother Zahra is handsome."

"My son, Kay is not a nephew" Zahra said unknowingly, her gaze still focused on the photo.

"A-kids?" Kayla was flabbergasted with perfectly rounded eyes.

"Did? what Kay?"

In an instant Zahra turned her head, looking at Kayla who was still staring at him in disbelief.

"Kaila?"

Zahra waved her hand right in front of Kayla's face.

"Raffa is Zahra's son? not Brother Zahra and Brother Farid.. " Kayla hung up her sentence.

Zahra was silent for a moment while looking at Kayla's questionable face. He took a deep breath and threw it away slowly.

"Sister?"

"Raffa my son. I've been married before, Kay," I'm Zahra with a bitter smile.

"Raffa's Dad?"

Kayla was still staring unblinkingly though, there was something she wanted to know from a Zahra.

Zahra paused for a moment while gulping her saliva. Still with a bitter smile, he looked the girl in the eye.

"Dad Raffa died seven years ago in an accident in Surabaya."

"Subhanallah.. "

A single tear fell from Kayla's eye patch. The girl closed her mouth so that the sound of her soaking could not be heard.

"Sorry, Kayla didn't mean it.. "

Zahra shook her head while cupping Kayla's cheek.

"It's okay, Kay. It's been a while, now everything's fine."

"Does that mean Raffa was born without ever seeing his father?"

Kayla's tears continued to fall nonstop.

"Even before his father knew there was a seed present in his mother's stomach, God first took him."

Zahra's voice began to tremble. From that moment he held back strongly so as not to cry but saw Kayla sobbing, her defense finally collapsed. Her tears are now flowing down her cheeks.

"The day I knew there was a seed present in my stomach. That day coincided with the day I got word of the accident that took my husband's life."

Zahra started to sob. He recalled the moment where he had two surprises in one day.

"I'm sorry Kayla, sister, Kayla.. "

"It's okay, Kay."

Zahra grabbed onto Kayla's body, rubbing her back gently. The girl was innocent of having asked her a very personal thing. All has been his destiny, have a painful life story even make others who heard to be sad and cry because of it.

"It stopped crying" Zahra said after wiping away her tears.

"Kayla didn't think that Zahra's life should be this bitter even Kayla didn't think it was there. Brother Zahra had to fight during pregnancy alone, Zahra also struggled alone during childbirth, caring for and raising Raffa. Kayla doesn't know if Kayla can be as strong as Sister Zahra if she's in that position. What Kayla experienced was not even comparable to what Kak Zahra experienced. But Kayla can't be as strong as Brother Zahra."

"You'll never know what it's like to hurt my heart, Kay, when my loved ones leave. You'll never know what it's like to get hurt when my wounds go back gaping because I have to meet someone who reminds me of the one I love. Especially when I heard the guy say he was going to keep the other woman in front of me. My heart seemed to crumble dimly because of it," said Zahra in his heart.

"Everyone has their own portion, Kay."

Zahra clasped Kayla's hand tightly as if giving her strength.

"Does Brother Zahra love Brother Farid?"

"It's trying to learn to accept it, Kay."

"Sister Zahra, still in love with Brother Zahra's husband?"

"It's not easy to forget someone who used to always be by our side. And it will not be easy to forget all the memories that have been engraved beautifully with him. That's why I had to work hard to learn to accept Farid. Moreover Farid was a friend of my late husband."

Kayla's round eyes were wide again. Her tears had stopped flowing but still left traces there.

"Why should Brother Zahra accept Brother Farid if Brother Zahra's heart is not ready?"

"There's one reason I can't explain why I should accept it. I also have another reason, Raffa. Raffa needs a father figure who can guide him, making him a great man someday. Raffa needs a father's warm embrace that he has never felt before in order for him to grow up to be a strong and protective man. And Farid, God willing, is the right man to be a father to Raffa" Zahra said, gently rubbing the back of Kayla's hand.

"Sir Zahra, sean.. "

"You need to rest now, Kay. It's noon, won't you go to the hospital later," Zahra cut down while pushing Kayla's body slowly to lie down.

"I'm out first, Kay. You go to bed and I wake up when it's time" Zahra said, holding up a tray of dirty bowls and glasses.

Zahra stepped out of the room leaving Kayla still staring softly at him. It was almost noon, if he continued his conversation with Kayla, the girl would lose her time of rest. In addition, Zahra also did not want to further expose his life to the girl. She worries that Kayla wonders about Hafiz or even asks him to show her a picture of Hafiz. It would be even more complicated if Kayla knew Hafiz's face was similar to that of her older sister Habibi. Moreover, at this time their relationship was all confusing for Zahra. Relationship between Habibi, Kayla and Meysha.

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