The Diary Ecca

Part 5's

...Diction & Paradox...

I know, I made him sad. The wall had long since been transformed into a tree with old skin, peeling in many places. The branches began to grow and the leaves of the fallen leaves, scattered where. It was no longer the tree I used to climb. No, it is not another tree. Except myself. I am the one who has changed. Like a suddenly dark blue sky. Like a cloud that overshadows the heart that ceaselessly cries.

To be a man, do I have to sacrifice my own feelings? Whether to be a man I had to leave my childhood only to listen to the voices of others; the grudges, swearing, scorn and reproofs that are often hurtful.

I've been drowning for a long time, probably since the last time I slept under my mother's tree. The tree where I used to be. The tree was still there, silent and alone. It feels far but close. I sometimes want to touch her, like I touched my mother's wall for the first time. But I know I'm not the old one anymore. And mother is like home who misses my presence. He wants me to go home to him. But I don't know, is tomorrow still enough time for me to be myself?

Distance can sometimes make a stranger, making a person distrustful of the power of love. The same cross you are, but you have not found a figure of His choice.

For me life is always black and white, happiness will always be directly proportional to sadness. We're just waiting for the time to take turns, aren't we?

And so with silence.

Today feels crowded, maybe tomorrow we will dialogue again with solitude.

Although in the crowd I still feel lonely, somehow lonely I feel without someone who can accompany me in this solitude, it does not feel like I have gone further and further I walk alone.

ooooo

It can not be denied the figure of Fikri's brother who is good, handsome, polite anyway. So it is natural that many girls idolize it. I stood up because the show was over. But Deva and Devi were still gawking at Fikri's feet while smiling to themselves.

"Hey! Plok! " i said, clapping my hands before them and startling them.

"Ahh.kamu Ca disturb people" Devi replied in an annoyed tone and continued her pose.

"Hey you guys saw that the show was quiet already finished, baby.ayo came home already soreni" I walked away from them and they followed me.

"Ca, why are you?" ask Deva

"Why? Why what?" I was amazed by the question

"Yes, why? Not like other girls who if in deketin brother Fikri was nervous, fascinated, amazed, can not talk.."

"Don't what!" my Sautku cut Devi's sentence.

"Don't you not like guys?" Said Devi that surprised me

"Hey, you guys ngaco dech if I don't like guys why don't I macarin you guys" I replied casually, raising my eyebrows next to tease them.

Some feelings don't want to be perpetuated. They just want to be tucked away and released at a good time. No, not because the word while it's fun, the fact is, the short one will never be worth it.

Not because the word forever sounds impossible, actually nothing can happen on earth, if you ask why, actually I do not know.

"hiii, Deva I don't want to" alay devi's expression appeared

"hhhh, no joke, indeed brother Fikri deserves to be admired but that does not mean that I have to admire him too much, and I admire God more because he who created the creatures that you admire!"

"yap! Pinter's son" in with our last laugh.

Arriving at the complex of the house, I stopped for a while to sit by the lake not far from my house. To enjoy the afternoon breeze and see the sun drown. I closed my eyes, turned my face towards the sky enjoying the cool breeze blowing my body with the fragrant flowers and the distinctive smell of water.for it was too deep in charm, forgetting the time.

I'm not a feeling. I was only in the body of a woman who every step of the way faced feelings. And honestly not tasty, boring, easy to be happy, easy to be disappointed, easy to be sad, but also easy to forgive.

Sometimes I really want to live in his mind, yes he is a man who has just heard, just read, but never felt.

I saw the clock in my hand it was almost five in the afternoon. I immediately woke up and stopped my sight to see someone who was in the lake, precisely in front of me. The guy who was cool with his camera. I turned and walked home.

"tok.tok.tok"

"greetings" my mother said, opening the door and reaching for her hand and then kissing the back of her hand.

"quickly shower, we pray magrib together, after that eat"

"yes, buk" I replied as I walked into the room.

I put down my bag and then took a towel and rushed to the bath. This is my daily life with my family, always obliging to pray together and eat together. After eating I fad open facebook to just look at the children's tribute.

There was an inbox message from brother Fikri that was just sent.

"salaminaka Ca?"

"walaikumsalam sis"

"how did the seminar get it?"

"insyaallah understand brother"

"alhamdulillah, can Ca ask for your no hp? Make in case there will be information so that it can be shared" hehehe thing that makes me shocked and smile on my own.

" hhh. yes brother, 089765554xx"

"okay! Makasi ya.. have been sleeping malem do not sleep malem-alem is not good for health. ok see you ca!"

"hhh yes sma" brother, ok see you too!"

The thing that always makes the heart worry is when you choose to love someone, but never have more courage to express it. That feeling was like a pain that for years did not find a cure, if only you dared to say it maybe you were not killed dead by your own feelings. Indeed, as someone who first fell in love, that feeling of fear was always there. Make your heart worry not that day is not night always imagined, for me I prefer to love in silence, because I will not find the word fear in love.

Things that still make me confused and there is a sense of happiness, brother Fikri asked for my phone number. Things that most women may crave. Maybe if Deva and Devi who experience it happy they will feel like they can get billions of rupiah with their alay language. Since it was night and had started yawning I decided to go to sleep.

ooooo