The Diary Ecca

The Part 24

...Only You...

"Oh yeah forgot it's too lazy yes, keep talking even this. hhh"

"Greetings mayor" I hung up the phone and I went to bed.

Arriving at Deva Devi campus tumben really have left early, stanbay in class. The rush of them running towards me astonished me.

"Why, why do you want to do the job? This is the book I'm cheating!"

"That's not it, how did you say Brother Fikri right, we're in a camper?"

"Yes, but Brother Fikri today is not on campus, he said tomorrow just want to meet us!" My answer.

"Hemm, seriously hemm is senengnya so tomorrow we dandan the beautiful dech" expression lebay Devi appears.

"Oh you guys, just want to meet brother Fikri aja excessive, do not do that dech, be yourself, a man who likes because there is something in you that will not be eternal, will not be, so find a guy who likes you for who you are nothing" my talk.

ooooo

Some feelings don't want to be perpetuated. They just want to be tucked away and released at a good time. No, not because the word while it's fun, the fact is, the short one will never be worth it. Not because the word forever sounds impossible, actually nothing can happen on earth, if you ask why, actually I do not know.

I'm not a feeling. I was only in the body of a woman who every step of the way faced feelings. And honestly not tasty, boring, easy to be happy, easy to be disappointed, easy to be sad, but also easy to forgive.

While walking and sitting. Those who are still standing are ashamed of my great talk, but actually also my word someone who loves because the change in a person is not love but lust and usually it will not bring happiness. There's a lot of evidence, that's my opinion.

Today my class was full until magrib, because I did not want to pray at home so I prayed on campus. After praying I go home, do not have to wait long bus orang. Thank God the bus is not as good as it is so I can sit quietly. While on the block of the house I walk casually enjoying the breeze of the wind tonight is very cool, the moon is also blatantly up to the intersection I stopped by the lake first, relieving the rest of fatigue last day. I lay my body on the grassland by the lake, it feels so beautiful to see the sky many stars decorate it until it feels sleepy.

It turned out that I had been there for almost half an hour, I rushed home afraid my mother was looking for me. On the way I saw David alone in the garden near our house I approached him.

"Hey! Bengong aja, ntar kesambet lo.hhh" ledekku while sitting next to him that makes him smile.

"Hem you, tumben just came home?" Ask.

"Yes, today's class is full, why alone lonely at home?" My toot.

"Hhh.. you know, yes, again want to take pictures of the atmosphere of the air night is also quite able to make the heart calm" he replied.

"Yes si, if so I go home first yes bauk want to take a shower too hhh... dare to be here alone!"

"Bastardly thing" our laughter broke out.

"Yes, I'm home, daaa!!" Excruciate.

"Ok, daa" I walked home it turns out dad and mom peeked at us from earlier.

"Heh mom's dad hhh?" My toot.

"Hhhhh, just a little bit" said the mother.

"Eh Ca, David told me to come here to eat malem with a kasian right no one masakin his house!" My mother.

"May, only mother who said I want to take a bath first bauk, tired as well" I replied casually while walking to the room to take a towel and shower.

Out of the bathroom, out of the room I heard father's voice chatting like David's voice. I joined them, we ate together to see David who seemed shy to eat with us.

"Come on David, don't be shy about eating!!" Said My Father.

"Come on, consider it your own home!!" My mother.

"Yes aunty" I occasionally caught him looking at me who I greeted with my smile.

Sadness is like a silent lake on the mother's wall. Sobbing walls and carving up my childhood. How lonely was I at the time? Really am. I don't understand why I made that wall cry? It was like a home to me. Where I sleep and sleep at night. Where I play with my solitude. Then why did I make her cry?

There are things I wanted to forget from my childhood. Seconds of meaningless. Anger that slowly scorched and then swept through my heart. But now it is no longer fire. It has become cold. Why is the wound still there?

Wasn't I the man raised by my mother's wall? Why did I turn away from him? Why am I wearing that mask, just to see him smile? I've become another man. The man who wasn't the kid he grew up with. There are many masks that I wear. One is loneliness, the other is anger.

I know, I made him sad. The wall had long since been transformed into a tree with old skin, peeling in many places. The branches began to grow and the leaves of the fallen leaves, scattered where. It was no longer the tree I used to climb. No, it is not another tree. Except myself. I am the one who has changed. Like a suddenly dark blue sky. Like a cloud that overshadows the heart that ceaselessly cries.

To be a man, do I have to sacrifice my own feelings? Whether to be a man I had to leave my childhood only to listen to the voices of others; the grudges, swearing, scorn and reproofs that are often hurtful.

I've been drowning for a long time, probably since the last time I slept under my mother's tree. The tree where I used to be. The tree was still there, silent and alone. It feels far but close. I sometimes want to touch her, like I touched my mother's wall for the first time. But I know I'm not the old one anymore. And mother is like home who misses my presence. He wants me to go home to him. But I don't know, is tomorrow still enough time for me to be myself?.

I'm not a feeling. I was only in the body of a woman who every step of the way faced feelings. And honestly not tasty, boring, easy to be happy, easy to be disappointed, easy to be sad, but also easy to forgive. Some feelings don't want to be immortalized, they just want to be left out.

ooooo