The Diary Ecca

Part 4's

...When I Step...

"Suuuutttt.please calm down, don't make a scene here!" ketusus library staff, who suddenly stop the giggling event Deva and Devi who began clinguran change their expressions.

"Ach you guys... What time is it? I have to go to class late". Putting the book in my bag and walking ahead of Deva and Devi.

"Yuuukk, Deva followed the capcus." added my step.

"Ech Ca, what did Brother Fikri say?" Devi was still curious "want to know?, do you want to know so much?.. hem" I replied while grinning.

"Ach, I'm srius ca!" added Devi whining.

Because I was sure that what He really presented would be more beautiful without me looking for it, until I finally saw a perfect man in my eyes. He is polite, courteous, intelligent, active and understanding. He's my senior brother Fikri, close to him I feel comfortable and I think that comfort is love. It turned out that I misinterpreted it, until David finally came into my life.

"Can! Let's go now" Deva Devi replied in unison which made me confused and shocked to look at the two of them alternately. Which shows their twinkle faces.

"Hey! You guys we'll have class now, we'll have our class finished" I replied annoyed and continued my steps.

"Hem, if you run out of the show Ca!" pinta Deva whined while tugging at my left hand.

"Indeed why if it's finished.. is there still another event sometime not have to now right?" reply relax.

"But, if tomorrow-tomorrow is not necessarily Fikri's brother follow" denied Devi. Which stopped me and turned to look at them.

"Oh, my dear friends, would you like to attend a seminar to meet Brother Fikri or take his knowledge?"

ooooo

"Fikri's sister!" They answered loudly until everyone around us looked at us.

Which surprised me and saw my closeness, yes Deva Devi managed to make us attention. Deva and Devi covered their mouths with their hands, I looked at them smiling in wonder to them while walking away from them.

"Ca wait, you're Va out loud"

"Yee, I'm you too" they argue with each other.

I just smiled to see them fighting each other. I got out of class and suddenly Deva and Deevi pulled my right and left hands running down the stairs.

"Hey!.. Why are you guys? Went where? Slightly

donk!" I asked with a look of wonder that they

greet them with their relaxed smiles.

"Udah let's go in the hunt late!"

"luck is not done yet, let's sit down!" pinta Devi pulled me to sit in the middle of the two of them.

Not because the word forever sounds impossible, actually nothing can happen on earth, if you ask why, actually I do not know.

I'm not a feeling. I was only in the body of a woman who every step of the way faced feelings. And honestly not tasty, boring, easy to be happy, easy to be disappointed, easy to be sad, but also easy to forgive.

Sometimes I really want to live in his mind, yes he is a man who has just heard, just read, but never felt.

I was still astonished to see Deva and Devi take turns, which turned out to take me to the seminar offered by Mr. Fikri.

"hem ... the basis of your mode, say you want to see brother Fikri pake hurry"

"suuuuttt!" simultaneously Deva Devi cut my nagging telling me to be quiet without looking at me.

"Hem, subhanallah Fikri kak is well mannered if you say, his style of speech is soft"

Devi while refuting her chin with her right hand unblinkingly looked at the foot of Fikri who was leading the discussion.

"Setah dech until tomorrow here" Deva added with a similar expression.

I look up occasionally to see them with a smile of wonder, astonished to see them so fascinated with the figure of Fikri's sister.

Sadness is like a silent lake on the mother's wall. Sobbing walls and carving up my childhood. How lonely was I at the time? Really am. I don't understand why I made that wall cry? It was like a home to me. Where I sleep and sleep at night. Where I play with my solitude. Then why did I make her cry?

There are things I wanted to forget from my childhood. Seconds of meaningless. Anger that slowly scorched and then swept through my heart. But now it is no longer fire. It has become cold. Why is the wound still there?

Wasn't I the man raised by my mother's wall? Why did I turn away from him? Why am I wearing that mask, just to see him smile? I've become another man. The man who wasn't the kid he grew up with. There are many masks that I wear. One is loneliness, the other is anger.

I know, I made him sad. The wall had long since been transformed into a tree with old skin, peeling in many places. The branches began to grow and the leaves of the fallen leaves, scattered where. It was no longer the tree I used to climb. No, it is not another tree. Except myself. I am the one who has changed. Like a suddenly dark blue sky. Like a cloud that overshadows the heart that ceaselessly cries.

To be a man, do I have to sacrifice my own feelings? Whether to be a man I had to leave my childhood only to listen to the voices of others; the grudges, swearing, scorn and reproofs that are often hurtful.

I've been drowning for a long time, probably since the last time I slept under my mother's tree. The tree where I used to be. The tree was still there, silent and alone. It feels far but close. I sometimes want to touch her, like I touched my mother's wall for the first time. But I know I'm not the old one anymore. And mother is like home who misses my presence. He wants me to go home to him. But I don't know, is tomorrow still enough time for me to be myself?

Distance can sometimes make a stranger, making a person distrustful of the power of love. The same cross you are, but you have not found a figure of His choice.

For me life is always black and white, happiness will always be directly proportional to sadness. We're just waiting for the time to take turns, aren't we?

And so with silence.

Today feels crowded, maybe tomorrow we will dialogue again with solitude.

Although in the crowd I still feel lonely, somehow lonely I feel without someone who can accompany me in this solitude, it does not feel like I have gone further and further I walk alone.

ooooo