The Diary Ecca

Part 49's

...The Masterless Love...

"Ca" David's father called me and asked me to walk in front of his house, we sat down and talked.

"Ca, do you love David?" Ask his father David.

Then I looked at him nervously...

"Yes, that's how I feel" I replied.

"Thank you for the affection you gave her, but Ca are you ready to face any possibilities that might happen to David?" Ask David's father.

"God willing, I've thought about it, and I'm sure if I sincerely live it God will give the best for me and David, whatever will happen God willing I will always be there for David" my answer.

ooooo

Not the story of Romeo and Juliet whose story is written and also filmed, nor about the famous Rama and Shinta. Not a rich man, just an ordinary man, not a writer but just someone who wants to express every feeling through the verse of words and also the ink scratches that I pour with my heart and feelings.

The sweetly written annual temple of my love story with him that sits in the courtyard of love together with my heart that is always ringing with the whisper of his love so sweet, so sweet, indefinitely revealed but I can't say.

I'm just someone who adores him in the distance, I'm just someone who tries hard to stay loyal to him even if I'm just behind the distance, don't ask me how I feel if you can't move on from the past that haunts you because it's so unfair.

The splashing sound of the rain rushing from the drops to the sound of a loud, not enough one but thousands of puddles of water swept over my shoulders and drenched me, not enough one, I just fell silent while letting every puddle of rain and also the boisterous sound of the wind blow fiercely on my face.

I'm a nobody, I'm not the director who made my documented life journey into a movie. Even in the crowd I was still alone and feeling lonely, like there was only a firefly accompanying me in the silence. I'm just me and not him, let me keep this feeling at a distance because maybe you're not for me and maybe this feeling will one day go away on its own.

Never the hell you like someone but only limited to taste and can never express it, he said, maybe you are afraid but actually also embarrassed if you have to face the same person you like so you just try to cover up your feelings and just be quiet and awkward or awkward if faced the same the person you like so you look like an absurd and strange person to expect.

I am a poem of hope, of longing, of remembrance and of the past, of trying to forget but powerless, I can only hold memories and the past in the longing hopes I want to turn into reality. But I realize the past is still a past, it is not necessary to expect much from him if he comes back later his story is clearly not the same. So why does this heart not want to stop hoping, when it knows that the past has left it. And who leaves should not be pursued, right?.

I just want you to know that, being selfish, I'm not supposed to be a part of this story of my life when it's not a part of my life. My move is stopped but I don't want this to be just a story about me and him, in fact now there is not only me but also there is him.

Though again delicious nulis disturbed, sebel. My habit of writing in my diary and doodling until my book is full and also my pen ink is exhausted, taking notes and writing is my habit, whether since when I like writing, or not, I just like writing books compared to others because every ink stroke I write is like the meaning of my life is shy and limitless.

I just want you to know that even in the distance I'm always there for you, even though all the love I give may not be as great as the sacrifice you make for me.

If you remember the time you have spent with friends, everything must be fun, right? Although fights often color the friendship between you and him, but the feelings of annoyance and anger will be quickly replaced and never feel at home for long lodged in the heart.

Disputes there must be differences there must all happen because we are friends to help each other and need, remember about used paper? The old paper under my desk contains good memories with you my best friend, my best friend blasphemy splattered on me the problem came to me but you my best friend never complained to encourage me.

"You're such a good woman, it's worth David craving you so much, you know since he saw you, knew you, every time he called her was just about you" David's father said with a smile, and it embarrassed me.

It was unexpected that David told me so often when he seemed to be indifferent to me.

After a long conversation David's father came home...

"Ca thanks!" he said while holding my head.

Then I just nodded and smiled, then he walked home.

I'm still sitting in the garden, breathing the air at night. I turned my face to the sky and closed my eyes as I spoke...

"O Allah guide the servant, and give the best for us (me and David)!" My words in my mind.

Then I got up and walked home...

I came out of the room looking at David's room, I found his window open and I saw David lying down asleep.

Then I just smiled at him I said in my heart "you're healthy Vid" my tears flowed considering the times we were together and I didn't see the strong David and the healthy David.

I breathed and smiled looking at David again then I went in and laid my body, at midnight I woke up for the evening prayer.

"O Allah, even if the servant knows you will take him from the servant, but the servant begs God to allow the servant to give him happiness, let the servant feel happiness with him, O Allah, o Allah, the servant declares whatever you want" I said, praying.

ooooo