Secretly Loving You's

Ch 57 - Avoid

"From the beginning I never joked about you, Nay. Take your time. I'm willing to be your shield. Use me as you like."

Saka's words were ringing in the head. There is an ambush of guilt. I feel like I'm using Saka for my own sake. I didn't mean it that way.

"Don't feel guilty. You never used me. I took the chance." It was like being able to read the mind. "Sleep, Nay. Our journey is long." He's pricking my head. His attitude made me feel guilty.

Sorry, Saka. Sorry if I look to use you. But I promised myself. I will take you seriously. I'm not kidding around. I will try for this relationship.

Saka did tell me to sleep, but these eyes could not be closed. My mind's circling. How do you break this chain of unhealthy relationships?

Should I go to Mr. Marga and ask to move divisions? Huh, who am I? I'm just a new kid whose staffing status is also unclear. If I asked like that, it would be rejected immediately. But, am I going to be under his division forever? When will this chain break if it keeps going like this?

The journey from Denpasar to Jember is taken within seven hours. Saka only rested on the ship. Buy me pop noodles and hot tea. After being on the ground, he again drove the car at a fairly high speed.

I watched his face silently. His face looks tense. His forehead wrinkled. His check on the steering wheel tightened, pulling his muscles in sight. He always smiled and calmed when he talked to me. In order to make me feel comfortable and not guilty, she hides her feelings. His attitude made me feel guilty.

From Bali, Saka immediately took me to Jember. Instead of taking me to a contract, he took me straight home.

Arriving home, Mom and Dad greeted us in confusion. I went to Bali and came home in the early hours of Monday. It's still Saturday morning. It's only natural that they are confused.

"I'll leave you here. Clear your mind. Tomorrow night I'll pick you up."

"Not to be picked up. I can contract it myself."

"Your laptop is in contract. Remember?"

"Yes, too." I scratched my head that wasn't scratching.

"Rest there. I know you didn't sleep well."

"You also rest. You must be tired. Non stop."

"Cie, start the attention. You're starting to like me, aren't you, Nay?" Saka scratched my shoulder with his index end. I flicked his hand.

"Isha! What the hell! There's home." Seeing me sewot, he laughed a lot. The saka I knew was finally back.

***

After Saka's death, my mind went back to that. Along the way home, I accidentally turned off my phone because I was afraid she would call me. After I got home, I switched on my phone.

Once the data plan is activated, calls and hundreds of incoming chats are instantly stacked. The chat was from some office group while the other chat was from Saka and him.

I saw 23 messages and 79 calls from him. Haven't had time for this hand to open a chat, there's an incoming call. The man's contact name appeared on the screen.

Message back in.

"Arsha, pick up the phone. You where?"

"Arsha? Pick up the phone, or I'll announce to the rest of the group that you're missing."

I'd like to reply, "Yes, just announce it. You will be ashamed yourself. I have permission to Mr. Marga if I go home first." But I didn't do that. I don't want any speculation to develop about our fractured relationship (subordinate boundaries) among office people.

Instead of redirecting, I shifted the green button so that a second later the call was connected.

"Where are you?" The sound is heavy. Too heavy. He's not yelling. His voice is very low. But I'm sure of one thing, he's holding back his anger.

"At home." The voice call suddenly turned into a video call. Just be right. Why is he this one?! My hand automatically directs it.

"Fuck. I just want to make sure, are you really at home or somewhere else." I am also worried about reading the chat. Why is he being more protective than my parents? It's also not my thing.

"You are still my responsibility. Lift it."

Replying to a video call is the same as going back to repeating old things. I'm afraid I'm weak again. So instead of lifting it, I actually photographed the room and living room. Not to forget I also activated the date and time feature to convince him. Then I sent the photo.

"I want to see you" she replied dissatisfiedly. Hah, I'm the same gregetan as this guy.

"I'm really home. I'm doing fine. I need to rest first." I sent a reply and turned off the phone.

***

Monday came so fast. I hate Mondays, now my hatred has multiplied by many times. Imagining having to meet him and face his unpredictable attitude got me thinking.

As usual, I arrived earlier than the others. The office is still empty. There is only a security and office boy who is cleaning the office.

As soon as I arrived, I went straight up to the second floor and sat in my chair. Turn on the PC and monitor. Then start removing unfinished files from the drawer. The job I'm going to do today.

Time showed at 07.33 WIB when the morning briefing call came. I immediately went down to the first floor. Usually the one who leads the morbrief Mr. Marga or Mr. Armand. But both are invisible at this time so the one who leads is Mr. Haidar.

Honestly, I can't concentrate. It's so weird of me. Why is it that when the person is there I am so reluctant and hate but when the person is not there I just look for it? Already crazy?

"If there is no suggestion or input, the briefing is terminated. Wassalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi waa barokatuh." Mr. Haidar ended the briefing in no less than ten minutes.

I was preparing to go up to the second floor when my hand was grabbed by someone. I've been scared, afraid of the one who took my hand, Mr. Armand. I can imagine how people will react. But thank God, it wasn't Mr. Armand.

***