Secretly Loving You's

Ch 39 - Trying to Be Ordinary

In my eyes, the world is no longer the same. The bright weather in the morning was unable to treat my already overcast heart. The greeting of the neighbors, the voice of the vegetable merchant peddling merchandise, the chattering of children who were about to leave school, as if inaudible. Everything feels bleak.

My world is broken. My world is not okay. But, even though I feel like I'm collapsing, the world is still going as it should. The world does not stop crying. Then, should I act so whiny and cry it out for so long? A normal person, who does not feel what I feel, will of course say no. But, I'm the one going through, can you behave like that? Can I meet him and act like nothing happened? Can I act like that?

I couldn't sleep last night. Think and try to understand everything. When my cowardly soul comes, I just want to go. Stay away from him. Perhaps that way, this pain will heal faster. But if I choose that way, that means, I have to quit this job. As ideal?

Getting this job is not easy. Need dozens of job applications. It took twelve job interviews which of course drained emotions, time and energy. And again, how do parents react when I'm out?

Still vividly remembered their reaction when I got this job. They're very happy. Even giving thanks and inviting neighbors around. The pride was clearly visible on their faces. Should I replace that happy face with disappointment just because of a broken heart? The answer is no.

For that, I determined to keep working in this company. It's okay to feel pain, after all the pain will disappear. Time will heal.

***

It is easy to say that when the object is invisible. The story is different when the object is in front of the eye with all the charm it has.

I was entering the parking area when I saw the silver Xpander entering the same area. Without even looking at the license plate, I knew who the owner was. Spontaneously, I turned my face away and walked quickly before the man realized my existence.

"Arsha." Duh, apparently he has noticed. I choose to ignore and pretend not to listen. Does not reduce the speed of walking.

"Arsha!" His voice sounded louder. Even Mr. Security who was a few meters in front of me could hear it. If I ignore it again, it will be very visible if I pretend not to hear it.

I turned. It turned out that he was only two meters away. One step was taken, making our distance one meter only. "Yes sir?" I swallowed hard. My chest is back in pain. Why does just looking at it make my heart hurt?

"Your first home. Why not tell me?"

"Ah, em, yes .... M-sorry sir, yesterday I rushed ...."

"What's wrong? Any issues?"

"T-there's none. Just an appointment with a friend."

"Friends? Boy girl?"

"C-girl."

"Oh." I don't know why I say that. It was just a spontaneous answer due to an impromptu interview. From now on, I don't want to assume anymore.

"You haven't prepared a termination file yet?"

"Not Sir. The plan, this morning."

"I helped you find. How many files?"

"No need, sir. I can find it myself." We talked while walking to the second floor. He insisted on helping to search, but I rejected him as subtly as possible. The debate ended after he was summoned by Mr. Arif.

***

You can see, but you cannot have. It hurts so much. I repeatedly encouraged myself not to get too absorbed in feelings, but the intention always collapsed when faced with it.

This afternoon, my patience was tested again when my desk phone rang.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Ar, into the room. It was brought all over." Hearing something like this a few days ago was common. But hearing this right now, when I already knew his status, made my blood pressure rise instantly.

I gripped the phone tightly. Prevent this mouth from shouting and saying rude.

"Sorry, Sir. Today I woke up bad luck, so don't cook."

"Oh, so. What do you want to eat? We'll order good."

"Don't you get brought by the wife? Why goofood?" It was actually just a lance, but when I said it made my heart feel like it was being scrimped.

"Nadya is not cooking either. What do you want to eat?"

"I've been eating. Thanks for the offer, sir."

***

Until lunch is over, I don't see him out of the room. That means he doesn't eat. There was a feeling of worry seeing it that way. But back again, after remembering his status, I was worried that I threw it away. Why worry about people's husbands?

His attitude seemed like nothing had happened. There is no explanation for all of this. He's still being mediocre. He wanted to hate her, but she was innocent. Wanted to continue feeling, but he already had. I can only endure this feeling, until this pain goes away on its own.

Remembering the figure named Nadya, made my feelings sore. That beautiful woman was pregnant. He needs a lot of support and attention from his partner. Guilt comes into the ambush. What if the woman knew that there was another woman who loved her husband? His heart will hurt too.

"Mom, are you there?" Suddenly Mr. Security appeared in front of me while carrying food.

"Sir Armand what is Mr Arif?"

"Yes Mr. Armand is Ma'am. If Mr. Arif is on the third floor. Anything, Ma?"

"Looks like there's. I didn't see him come out. What's up, sir?"

"Oh, this is Ms. Arsha. There's a good order. Said mas gofoodnya, from Nadya's mother to Mr. Armand. I tippedipin Ma'am what's good?" From Mr. Security's face, it is clear that he objected to the direct delivery. Maybe afraid to spray if the mood of the boss is not okay. In normal conditions, I'll offer help. But not for now.

Hearing him delivered food makes the heart melt. The worry that had come because he had not eaten was very useless.

"Send directly, sir. Like Mr. Armandnya not busy," I said and pretended to be busy with files on the table.

***

Thinking about her, it always made me wonder. Since when did he get married? It's been a while? Why did his wife just show up now? Where's his wife been all this time? Are they LDR? Is that why he always goes home to Surabaya every Saturday and Sunday? To visit my beloved wife? So, are they living together now?

What was their marriage like? Ah, they must be happy. The proof is that his wife is pregnant. Their happiness must be doubled, soon they will be the arrival of a little angel.

Ah, lucky to be his wife. He's got a nice guy like "the guy I don't want to call his name". The man who always put up the body for subordinates. A very good man until his kindness I misinterpreted.

How foolish I am, to misunderstand all his goodness. How foolish I was to dream of being his partner. Now, that dream has been wiped out, replaced by reality.

Move on, Arsha!! Move on!! He's not a man to you. He already has an owner. Even if your heart hurts now, rest assured that someday the pain will heal on its own. Now, focus on work and make your father and mother happy.

A male? Make them your last priority!!

***

Happy Reading 🥰