My Only One's

The True Feelings

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Clarra was silent on her couch, staring at Galang who remained lying on the bed with her eyes fixed on the flaming television. Both of his parents are still there.

“I want to go home now.” The man said.

“Aapa?”

“I want to go home now, can I?” He repeated his words.

“It shouldn't be. It's a Sunday. Why it is.”

“I'm saturated.” Not complaining.

“Only who will feel comfortable in the hospital?” Clarra with a sharp tone, making Galang turn his attention.

“There's a problem?” She asked.

“Nothing, why? You feel like there's a problem?” Clarra asked back, though,

Galang frowned, and he was still staring at his lover with astonished thoughts. Because Clarra does not usually behave so especially for the past two days they continue to be together.

“I tried asking the administration. Who knows if there is a guard doctor who can work on your return this afternoon. You're okay anyway, right?” The woman got up from her seat, then sauntered out while slamming the door hard enough.

“What's up?” Mayang.

Galang shook his head while shrugging both of his shoulders simultaneously.

Clarra actually went to the administration downstairs. And found some guards there. Then immediately talk to them for a while. Negotiate and say if Galang is okay and they decide to go home. 

But of course, the rejection from the hospital on duty, and his ability to talk and negotiate is also useless. Which finally made the woman decide to return to the place where Galang was treated.

And he was just going back to the fifth floor when he accidentally passed Doctor Syahril in the hallway to the elevator, and both of them stopped.

No words were spoken as usual, but their views were already spoken. That there is a feeling that comes out every time you meet face to face. What else when just the two are like this.

“You're still here?” The man asked.

Clarra nodded slowly.

“How is he doing? I heard someone beat him up the other day?”

“He's good, and the plan is we'll be home this afternoon but can't." Clarra answered.

"Of course you can't. It's Sunday, remember?" The man walked closer.

"Hmm … "

"Accept …." Then Doctor Syahril shifted to the left, and he almost continued his steps.

"Can the doctor get another prescription?" Clarra twisted the body, and her question made the tall man stop.

"Recipes?" Syahril.

"Yes, yesterday is over. I want to buy it again but forgot not to bring the recipe."

"Are you having a relapse?" The man came back closer.

"No, just just in case."

"Every day you take the medicine?"

"Yes, lately a lot of problems so .... I need it."

The man was silent for a moment.

"We can go to my room, it just so happens that Shahnaz sleeps there, and I'll make you a recipe before bringing her home."

Clarra nodded slowly, then she followed him into her practice room which was not far from there.

Syahnaz fell asleep quite soundly on the examination bed. It would seem that the little girl was very tired. Maybe because he was busy following the event a few moments before, because indeed the child was always excited every time the hospital held the event.

"The trick's done?" Clarra started the conversation when Doctor Syahril was prescribing her a prescription.

"It's lonely, isn't it?"

"Ara's home yet?" The woman asked in the morning.

"It was just now."

"How many times a month now?" 

"What?" Syahril.

"How is Nisa, held every few months?"

Doctor Syahril was stunned for a moment to stare at the woman he knew since he became a student of Doctor Fahmi on campus. He was also a friend of Nisa, his late wife who died giving birth to their daughter.

"Every three months" replied the man.

"Routine?"

"Yes, since the last year we have held it every three months. And the effect is quite positive for the children."

"Nisa's ideals materialized huh?"

"Yes, grateful that many are interested in donating their property also for the treatment of children."

"At least Nisa's wish becomes real."

Clarra ventured to look at the man in front of her who had re-written the Recipe for her.

"This. The recipe may be redeemed tomorrow, today the pharmacy is closed." Doctor Syahril shifted the paper in front of Clarra which was immediately accepted by the woman.

"Okay, thank you."  Clarra nodded her head.

Then they were both silent for a while.

"Umm .. I'm saying goodbye." said Clarra later, and she almost got up. Along with the doctor Syahril who also moved from his chair.

"Can you stay here for a minute? I want to talk." The man's words stopped Clarra's steps.

"Speak about what else? I think …."

"Anytime you don't run away, Clarra!" Shahril grabbed his wrist. 

Although the woman had refused, but she tightened her grip. Syahril's doctor even pulled her so that the distance between them disappeared and Clarra was almost immersed in his arms.

"Let go!"

"No, until you listen to me!"

"What else should I listen to? I heard everything from your mother's mouth!"  Clarra replied, and she thrashed to escape.

"All you hear is my mother's words, not my answer." Shahril gripped Clarra's arms so tightly that she could no longer move.

"What answer? It's obvious you can't do much. And what your mother said really set you back."

"Omong empty! I love you with all my heart, but you don't want to understand."

"Your shit is bullshit! You are always silent behind your mother's armpits and can do nothing but that! Your love is just unproven words!" Clarra began to raise her voice.

"It's not me who doesn't give you proof, I'm struggling, it's you who doesn't want me to fight!" The man shook Clarra's body.

"Often I ask for time to speak, to ask you for an opportunity to do everything. But you always run away."

"Then I give you a chance, give you as much time as you need for both of us to understand."

"While I'm trying to give my mother some understanding, you're with someone else!'

Clarra.

"Don't you understand what I'm working on? Don't you understand?" He shook Clarra's body back in his grip.

"What are you working on? I didn't even know you were trying. You never told me!" Clarra continued to answer.

"Because you never gave me a chance!" Now it was Shahril who raised his voice.

This feeling was already unable to hold him anymore, and had to be resolved right now.

"You never gave me a chance to talk. You always resist and avoid. Then how can I tell you?" He again lowered his voice when he realized the whereabouts of his sleeping daughter.

"I love you, but you doubt it. Then what can I do? Forcing you to start again, while you won't?"

Clarra's lips twitched.

"I just want to say it before it's too late and I'm sorry. Being separated from you in such a way is very painful. But to beg for us to return feels impossible. You've been with someone else and I can't change that. Especially taking you back. Then what should I do?"

Clarra felt like her throat was stuck. His chest began to feel tight and something forced him to come out. Then the clear circles in the corners of his eyes burst out and soaked his smooth facial skin like porcelain.

"What should I do?" Doctor Syahril brought her face closer and put both of them on her forehead.

Then in a blink of an eye their lips were already stuck, and a second later clenched each other so deeply. Both of them immediately carried away feelings.

The man pushed her so that the back of Clarra's body hit the edge of the table, and her fondling continued unabated. They have the same feelings but are unable to express them with the right words.

"Then what should I do?" repeat Doctor Syahril after removing the link of his lips, then re-attach their eyebrows both.

Both of his hands held Clarra's head so that she wouldn't stay away from him.

"I wanted you so much, but you just kept moving away. Made me choose Nisa when all I wanted was you." The sentence just came out of his mouth.

"I've been tormented all this time, then what should be …."

Suddenly Clarra pulled her neck, and the fondling repeated. 

Two long-lost, depressed humans are venting their feelings. And there's nothing more in mind than feeling each other's beautiful thump.

Yes, it is beautiful and makes them feel happy for a while. Until finally both of them realized the existence of the figure of a child whose sleep was not disturbed.

Clarra pushed her chest away, staring at the face with firm jaws.

Does he really feel like this? Is it true what they do this? But he did not understand it with his own heart.

"Clarra …."

"I'm sorry" said the woman, who pushed back Doctor Syahril until they were completely away and then she immediately ran out.

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