Love is Different

This is my true feeling at that Time

This time I will share it with the readers. As I told you from previous chapters, I knew Adi was gay. I'm a Medical Student who studies the human body, gender, disease problems, symptoms, risk factors and characteristics of a person from his psychology. Maybe for ordinary eyes also know from Adi's behavior he is different from normal men in general. To be honest I really love Adi sincerely when starting to know him and his family, he includes men who really understand women. Well maybe because he's closer to a lot of girlfriends than to a guy so he must be very comfortable with me. Several times I convinced myself to stay with him because of his circumstances. But I always looked to her good family and her parents who seemed to lack the affection of both parents. Ka Ani as the mother of the Queen who is always busy every day being a career woman, leaving early in the morning and coming home once a night. Bang Ozzy as his father Queen busy himself sometimes served out of town. Which I think his family is very toxic, up front looks good but inside it is very chaotic. Lots of yelling and anger. Since I dated Adi, I have rarely confided in Vienna or with Syani, my two closest cousins. I'm so grudging because I don't want them to know that I'm dating a gay man. Moreover, they are both Psychology Students, who are certainly sensitive. I can only hide and talk to my closest friends. I don't want my family to know that I'm actually covering up Adi's disgrace. I completely cover who Adi from Mama, Mr, Almarhumah Eyang Putri, and also all my brothers. Though from the late Pakde Roki has felt once, he always put on a face upset if he saw Adi and he also has reminded me not with Adi because it is not like a real man. But I always do not want to mengubris word - said Pakde Roki because I actually already know but I was silent. Let me keep all my options. 

Then after getting into a more serious relationship, to be honest I was a bit hesitant. But I tried to convince myself to accept all his shortcomings. Every day I think about it until I lose weight, all the family always ask, "Riri skinny now?" 

"Riri kurusan huh?" 

A lot of words that make me think and honestly I reply words - words that just with laughter and a smile even I say that I am thin because of the thesis. Though besides that the inner pressure that I feel when with Adi. I didn't know why until I finally stuck with Adi, even accepted her proposal and she was serious with me. I thought he was going to be normal. He became a man and repented and he finally married me. But it turns out I was wrong, there were words that made me that in fact he never really loved me back then, even from the beginning we were dating. He said he wouldn't want to get married if it wasn't for religion. Then indirectly I was just made into a statue after he married? Just for status. I think marriage is a very sacred worship, can not be considered playing but it seems he considers marriage as just a status. I continued to pray and ask for guidance from the Almighty to be given ease and given the best path for my relationship and Adi at that time. I surrender and surrender how it will be, because I have dared to accept his proposal and have started with Adi. So I have to accept the consequences even though this heart is obstinate and half-hearted.