I'm You And The Past

Uncomprehending

Hoon drove his car at full speed. His feelings were swayed erratically. No need to pretend anymore everything is clearly visible.

CPIIIT!!!

Hoon forcefully stopped the car until his head almost hit the steering wheel. He lowered his head until it sank between the two arms resting on the steering wheel.Why does it hurt so much! Why is something so sick here! On the chest and all over the body. Hoon could no longer hold back his feelings. She cried.

"Huhuhu.." a deep cry, a stifled man's voice, a voice that shouldn't come out like this. A man's cry is only for something very meaningful in his life. That's how Risa is for Hoon!!

"I thought waiting there was hope for me! I think there's still time left for me.." lirih Hoon shed tears.

"Stupid! You idiot! You let go of him back then!" realizing that she had left Risa after all just made her lips continue to curse regretfully, annoyed, mixed into emotion.

"Fast that!" they even have a baby!

"Aaaakkhhh!!" Hoon yelling. Trying to throw all the fret in his heart. It works? No, the whole feeling was disappointed. Get angry! But to whom? Risa never considered it again, Risa never gave a spot of reproach. Only Hoon was unconscious. Everything is different. A year is not a minute. Hoon!

Hoon grabbed the tissue and wiped away the tears. He slammed his back, trying to catch his breath. Her tears still fell. Like this again! Still like this, just like last year, Hoon was never really able to stand alone again. Hoon can't let go of his first love, just like before. Can't do.

Flashback a year ago.

POV Hoon's.

A quiet night like this. You're gonna give me a warm chocolate bar. Or I'll wake up and make it for you. Why would I do that? Why do I make you food, brew the chocolate you like. Why am I so happy to do all that? Because I love you! Because I feel sincere about you. You were the first woman to weaken my ego, you made me so comfortable with the noise and the dictates of your sniffles. Why do I always miss you? My happiness seems to be gone now.

The sound of the television I could not catch was clear, because there was no you by my side, no one leaning spoiled over my chest. I bought a few bottles of alcohol just to help calm myself down. Butno. Drinking with you is the best.

Do you remember? The first time we became one. That was the first time you took a sip of this drink, what was it like? Bitterer. But what happened between us is so sweet. You're like the opium of my life. I feel weak without you being with me. Why am I so stupid! Jealousy burns me.

I was so afraid of losing you, just as I was afraid when my mom left me, or when my dad left me. There's actually still nuna, but she's hard for me to understand. Different from you.

I went from the couch to the bed. It's blank! I grabbed a pillow and I could probably fall asleep, trying to fill the bed with arms and legs. Slender. I hate this solitude. How much selfishness in me didn't take me a week ago to go away, all that's left is loneliness. Risa, I want us to be together again. Can it?

Tears were dripping in the corner of both of my eyes, falling down on the white sheets of our bedroom bed. We were? my heart laughed cynically, laughing at the ego that was peaking inside my head.

Tears flowed in the corner of both of my eyes. Warm, I tried to sigh and exhale through my mouth. Slowly move your breathing. May you calm this soul a little. Ah the image of that happy little family flashed again in my head, I could not accept this bitter reality.

***

"Where the hell is this kid!" Eun snorted in annoyance because of how long it had been waiting for a reply from Hoon. Lastly her sister still asked where Risa's home address was. Eun knows! he can't memorize every detail of his employees' personal lives right!

"Ah, he's just making me worry!" Eun massages her forehead. Hoon why is he acting so strange, does he not know how to deal with women until it turns anes like this? Ckcc.. Eun Tambar is worried, she presses the phone screen.This time Eun is still trying to contact Risa.

"Hallo.." The answer from across there made Eun's worried face turn a little bright.

"Rise?"

'Yes, sorry who is this?'

"Hallo Risa, it's me nuna!" reply Eun with a cheerful tone.

'Emm. no nuna, my baby's just a little unwell, I'm fine'

"What! what's with your baby? what a bad thing! can you send me your address?" Eun nodded as if to understand, she swiftly took a note, writing according to the directions from across there.

"Okay, I'm going to your house!" eun said excitedly.

'But if it is not too late for nuna, later fear of things that are not desirable..' Risa's voice from across there trying to remind. Eun once again nodded as if understanding.

"Okay, tomorrow I'm going to visit the baby sister!" said Eun did not wait for approval from Risa. He got into the car, took one card from inside his bag, his lips smiling widely. Eun is very excited and happy.

"It's time to go shopping!"

BRUUM..

Eun drives her car while humming. Audio tunes up the latest song vigorously from Suga bts, wah very much in line with Jung Eun's current mood. Usually Eun is not so fond of hip hop, but today she is feeling happy, any song will be very enjoyed at this time.

Eun checks her phone screen once again. Why hasn't Hoon returned the message! I don't know, Eun won't care, she parked the car with one lap. Perfect straight, rarely. Eun goes into a big store with colorful shades.

"Welcome, please shop.." Eun circulated a smile. He took one big trolly, preparing to find a target.

"Baby boy, auntie comiiyingg.." whispered Eun began to pierce each shelf high. Eun picks up every adorable baby gear in her eyes, she picks out everything blue. Clothes, hats, shoes, kai jerseys, bags, even down to disposable baby diapers.

"I want the blue one!" pinta Eun on the waiter.

"This lady is just a blue cover, diapers are all almost white mistress" the servant said kindly and politely.

"Oh no! I want only the blue ones, no exception!" pinta Eun forced. The waiter frowned. He was trying to find a diaper that had a blue print.

"I also have to buy some toys for my baby boy!" Eun moves to a toy shelf, she picks up a basketball with a blue print of doraemon. Ah, he also took a boxing samsak with a blue glove. It's too soon Eun, baby Ri is even one year old!

"Report car, this drone.." Eun hats.

Eun glances at the phone screen and finds a call from Hoon.

"Hallo, where are you?" ask Eun annoyed.

"You're home yet? just wait a minute I'll be home. I'm at the baby shop!" obviously Eun.

Hoon knitted his brows. He has not been able to get out of the car, found so many records of calls from Eun, Hoon immediately back to contact his daughter. But what is Eun doing at the baby supply store?

"Baby shop?" Hoon doesn't understand.

****

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