Clandestine

Are You Ready?

“What?!” Reza

I turned around when I heard what I just said. “So

no first night till this second?” his eyes almost jumped out.

I sighed

breath, still with a chin. I knew Reza's reaction would be okay

that, yet somehow I still talk about this with him.

“But I see

she respects Jul sama lo.” Eli sitting across from me is seen

relaxed. He looked a little surprised when I said no

nothing happened for two nights, but it didn't last long because of him

he managed to make himself behave as usual.

“Ya...maybe.”

my mouth is not sure. “After that wedding night, she worked. His patient

drop, and last night.I'm sure if he's really tired.” Great

once I am in comforting myself.

Eli

mangosteen. It seems to be digesting my very rational reasoning.

“Akh, where is

stories have to take care of patients when you're just married. Is it just him

doctor in his hospital?” Reza still looks unacceptable.

“Doctor is there

a lot of. But the heart specialist is only him alone.” I tried to defend

my husband's.

“But not

there are residents and so on?”

I'm speechless.

There indeed.

A bunch. Even I think they could have consulted over the phone if really

urgently. But….

Akh stop!

Feeling unaccepted with my first night that ‘idanggurin’ really isn't

the right reason.

“He's a doctor

The reza! Emang lo who can be as good as jidat play cancel so aja lo job if

any personal interests?” Sela Eli's. “He has a vow he keeps.”

Naaah.i agree.

with what Eli said.

Reza

bought an eye, with a waist-rattling and an annoyed expression walking towards

our.

“Ye..

professional kali El's. If I signed the contract, I would not sign it either

main cancel so. How to find kayak nyari leaves in what garden?!”

sewotnya.

“Nah you know.

So did Reinard. She's doctor—“

“Ya view

context mak! Especially the first night. Once in a lifetime. Sacral!”

“Ya but right

story—“

“Uhaaah…

You guys why the hell, if you meet his hobbies debate continues!” I got up from the chair

annoyedly. The two of them instead made me feel better, instead

makes me worry. I'm free to spend my lunch hour

come to Eli's house with the intention of ‘curhat’ if in the end Eli and Reza

even argue like this.

“Looks like me

wrong come to mari.” I sled my bag, ignoring the look of no

understand my two best friends. “Gue back to office.” I looked at Reza and Eli

alternating. “So continue your debate.”

“Lo to go home

now Jul?” Reza's voice softened. I'm not saying. My head is enough

it's hard to stay here any longer.

“Jul...!” dial

Eli, but I still don't care. Just keep swinging my steps out of

doorway.

Time and time again I

hearing Eli and Reza take turns calling me, but I don't care.

*****

“OK. Say

on our client, if tomorrow afternoon one of us will be there.” I

close the black map I brought and give it to my employee Fitri—.

Fitri only

nodding, then immediately left my room. Two days of leave and burden

my work increased a lot. There are even some clients that I have to reschedule

meeting because of my wedding yesterday.

I sighed

breath, staring at the pile of papers in front of me with a blank look. Outer

the window, a yellow tinge of maturity adorned the sky. The day has gone

in the afternoon, I did not go home. I forgot to eat lunch because

quite upset with Eli and Reza who instead of looking for a solution but only

makes my heart feel bad.

“Mbak..

in front tuh.” Rini's voice from behind the door forced me to turn my head.

“Waitwa?” me

I really don't know who Rini is

Rini thunts.

“IDiiih...pretend to forget.” He's siding. “About who the hell is a willing man

waiting for Julia now?”

I thought

momentary. My guess is someone, but is that possible?

“You mean

Reinard's? Husband?”

Rini chuckles.

“Emang her husband

how many are there Julia?”

I smiled

wide heard the phrase Rini. A surprise when Reinard was waiting for me

lobby as now.

“Oke, say

same with him I'll drop off.”

I'll be snatched right away

my bag after Rini left behind the door. Tapping into the contents and

taking a lipstick and putting a polish on my lips. Not forgetting either

I rubbed a little powder on my cheek to make my face look fresher.

Once I feel good enough, immediately I leave the table. Ignoring all

work piled on the table without a care.

Quickly I

down the stairs, and when I saw my husband's shadow in the lobby, I immediately

yelling to call his name. No matter what eyes my employees are in

thereabout. Bodo very much, I was in love and Reinard was my husband. I

he has the right to do anything to her, even for things like now

I was standing in front of him.

Yep!

Hugged it

tightly. A thing that turned out to be very fun as well as thrilling

when I could smell her up close and feel her chest coming down

rise when breathing. Toxic! It's really toxic! Even I can do

it's all day without getting bored.

 “Why?” tanyanya gently.

I still am

shaking dikelukan.

“My work

much.” My fizz.

Reinard is not

answering, I now feel his palm patting my back with

slow down. Oh my God, for whatever reason I love these parts of destiny.

“You are not

overtime?” ask me a few words. Slowly, with a little weight I let go

hugs. It's nothing, I think this afternoon I've had enough

“Today is not

there is operation.” Legally. “You've eaten?”

I'm shaking.

“You eat

something?”

I'm nodding.

“How about

eating out?”

I nodded back.

“Eat what?”

“Termain to you..”

“Sushi?”

“Maauuu....!!!”

“OK. We

departing now?” Reinard. The ends of his eyes were raised

with a smile on his lips.

“Sure!” say

then put my hand on his arm.

He nodded, though,

and we walked away from the office.

Good bye

the job! Goodbye to the papers piled up on the table! For today, for,

let me spend time with my husband.

*****

I sit in

the sofa is not calm. Many times my eyes were on the door of the room

the shower closed. From behind that door I heard water from

showerheads. Obviously, behind that door Reinard was in the shower. After eating,

Reinard asked me to go home without stopping by. Of course things

that's what I welcome well. Anyway, I hope tonight it'll all be

go according to plan.

Chamber door

the shower opened, and the sound of water gurgling from the shower was no longer heard.

The figure of Reinard with wet hair seemed to stand gallantly even though it was only wrapped

towels. Unknowingly I downed my salivary, every time Reinard showed up

the look in front of me like that made my heart beat twice more

quick one. I'm afraid of having a heart attack at a young age if it's persistent

presented the look of my lustful husband like that.

“I guess already

sleep.” Said relaxed. Take clothes from the closet.

I'm down, I'm down,

it's still too awkward to see my husband change his clothes right in front of my eyes

like these.

“Not yet. I......”.

what am I supposed to say now? Can I be honest with him, if I

waiting for him for our first night?

“I....!” Reflex

I stood up, fortunately Reinard was now fully dressed.

She looked at me

flat while rubbing her hair with a towel.

“I...” Akhhh,

why is it so hard to say ‘ayo did that tonight.’

“Iya...?”

The man in front of me

is this stupid or just pretending not to know my code?

“I...” I

lip bite. “Because our bed is only one. How about I go to sleep

on the sofa only.”

Jesus Julia!

What the hell are you saying? Can't you be honest with what

you wanted?

Reinard laughed, though,

he then walked towards me.

“You sure?”

ask when I get in front of me.

“I...” Since

when did I have some kind of stuttering disease? My feelings were never as good as no

this confidence speaks to anyone, even with clients or rivals

much better than me.

“Sleep on

bed.” Reinard nodded towards the bed.

I'm back

swallow saliva with difficulty.

“Then you?”

“I also slept

just there. To be honest I can't sleep in a cramped bed like on a sofa.”

Reinard answered and went up to the bed. “You don't mind

right Jul?”

I'm shaking.

Nay! Of course

nay! I will be very happy to welcome you on our bed.

I followed

Reinard and slowly climbed onto the bed. Pull the blanket down slowly and

I lay my body beside him.

For some

as we stared at each other from the ceiling. There's only our nafs voice in

there, and it's very disturbing. What am I supposed to do now? Do I

should I start first? But.I'm a woman. It doesn't feel like it

it's appropriate if I ask in advance for something new this first time

we'll do it.

“Jul...” sound.

Reinard blurred the monologue in my head. “Have you slept?”

“But.”

“I want to

talk.”

“What?” akau

look over.

Reinard was silent

for a moment, then took a slow breath. He looked at me, but with a look

which I find hard to understand.

“Maybe you

been waiting for this moment. But, I'm sorry Jul. I can't give you

that inner living on you now.”

I gawked, I gawked,

then blink.

“Hah?” only

that sound can come out of my mouth.

You know what I

feel this moment? Like a thousand bullets smashing into my chest, like

the pointy spear tip that tore my heart apart. Everything feels different from

a few minutes ago. My hope and desire to be a perfect wife

vanished sectika. It all felt cold, even I felt a stranger at the top

this bed is with Reinard.

I have been

denied. By my own husband. When usually the woman who would refuse and say

not ready, now it is I who get the words and it feels so

painfully.

“Oh.

the problem. Because I'm not ready to do it yet.” I tried

smiling after having mastered my heart.

Reinard smiled

relieved, his hand stretched out then stroked the tip of my head.

“Thanks.”

I nodded

limply.

“So, let's

sleeps. Because tomorrow we'll be very busy.” I said and shifted my body

behind him. A minute later, tears came from my eyes.

****