Bound of Lies

Mental Illness

If only the heart could be reserved for whom...

- Fabian -

Happy reading & ''Double

What a shame in my life, this woman is so obsessed with me. I was obsessed with another woman named Renata.

Lea began to calm down, her breathing began to regularize. The glassware was so scattered on the floor because of Lea.

"What should I do to you, Lea ?" I asked in my heart.

Since that incident, I began to routinely meet Lea in Bandung. I always find myself to meet him. I don't want to see it happen in my apartment repeated.

Just now I know from bi Inah it turns out Lea often has panic attacks. Unstable emotions can change significantly in a short time.  Lea did not hesitate to throw objects around her for no apparent reason.

Looks like Lea did have to check her mental health.

As long as I see her I always choose to stay in a hotel. Because I've done enough stupidity.

The one that kept me calm and grateful from this incident Lea wasn't pregnant.

In the end I brought Lea for her mental health consultation. How shocked I was when Lea was diagnosed with schizophrenia. A long-term mental disorder. This disorder causes the sufferer to experience hallucinations, delusions, chaos thinking and changes in attitude.

These mental disorders can be genetic but can be triggered also due to the environment and the use of chemical drugs.

Because Lea who lives a stick of kara is not possible to check genetic factors.

But looking at Lea's past with her hard life and multiple suicide attempts can be concluded Lea experienced this disorder.

After further observation, Lea tested positive for schizophrenia. According to the expert doctor who handles Lea, the trigger factor can be due to Lea's young life is hard and genetic. It is certain that Lea must take drugs and also follow therapy throughout her life. Now it's just me that Lea has. Then automatically Lea has tied to me.

"Yes God... Is this the recompense of my sin on Leah ? Make Lea bond with me for life ? " My cry is in my heart.

The doctor also explained that the affection and support Lea needed, even better if Lea was accompanied by a medical nurse.

For a while I thought hard. It's impossible for me to leave Leah alone, maybe it's God's destiny Leah is tied to me.

Because of the noise that Lea often does in the apartment that is simple, it makes me have to move Lea to a private house. Luckily my friend sold his house in one of the elite residential areas in the city of Bandung at a sloping price because it was never occupied.

I renovated the house to my liking. Lea now lives in the house with a domestic assistant and a nurse nurse who is in charge of caring for Lea. Let's say this as my guilt payment to Lea. Even if what I do can't be paid for by anything. 

***

I still do that routine, commuting to Jakarta-Bandung for work and also see the state of Lea.

Inevitably this situation made Sakti suspicious, even my brother Sakti began to find out what I was doing. Including buying Lea a house so Sakti was so angry.

"Lo know Bi ? Maybe he trapped lo and morotin lo like this," he said angrily when he found out that I had been going to Bandung for a few months and bought Lea a house.

"Gu.gue loves him," I said a lie.

A lie has come out of my mouth.

I can't just leave Lea. Leah has been tied to me.

"Gue beg you to understand" I said to Sakti.

I never brought any woman into the family, never anything serious for mere pleasure. Therefore I hope Sakti can understand and accept.

"Gue hope you know and you realize what you're doing Fabian, you're not a child anymore. I can't always take care of you and forbid you from ever again. But I beg you to take care of yourself," he said coldly as he left my work space.

I bow my head over my two hands. I wept. No one knows how I suffered. Tied to a woman for a mistake and there's no way I left her because she was mentally ill. While I still can't forget that woman, Renata... I'm still watching her from afar.

If the heart could be reserved for whom I would choose Leah. That way I can love Lea and stay by her side to take care of her for the rest of my life.

I'm going crazy about all this.

Just to my two friends I complained. Stefan told me to see a psychiatrist like Lea. Stefan believes therapy will keep me sane in life.

Finally, unbeknownst to my family, I did. Only Stefan and Alex know. Sometimes one of them accompanied me to therapy.  I am grateful for them at least I can live life more lightly.

***

As usual this week I visited Lea to accompany her to a therapy in a clinic. Her psychiatrist was a very friendly middle-aged woman. I see Lea is so comfortable with him.

"Fabian, we already have a house but why do you always stay in a hotel?" Lea asked as I drove her home after the therapy session was over.

"I can't Lea, we don't have a bond. What will people say?" Answer thus.

Lea was silent for a while. But before long his treatment was different. Leah began to shout cursing at me, floating how many things were around her. Sontak bi Inah and nurse Lea came over.

We all tried to calm Lea down.

"You said you love me Fabian !!! You repeatedly said that!!!," he shouted.

"Bagjing*n !!! You are a liar !!" Shouts again.

"Do you want me to die Fabian? Let you be free huh ?" Lirih.

Seeing her emotions subside I walked up to her and grabbed Lea in my arms.

"Sstttt take Leah, calm down... A. I love you," I said, holding back tears.

Another lie has come out of my mouth.

"But we can't stay together because we don't have a bond" I said.

Lea raised her head to me.

"Yes Fabian, but promise me you won't leave me. Tell me you only love me" he said.

"Yes Lea, I love you. Just love you," another lie has come out of my mouth. Inwardly wept for lying to Leah. But what can I do ?

"Let's go, lady, let's take some medicine first and get some rest. Let bi Inah be able to clean up everything that was scattered," persuaded the nurse and Lea also obeyed. They walked hand in hand towards Lea's room on the 2nd floor.

Because of Lea's increased medical needs I have given debit cards and other credit cards to Lea of course using the limit. Even I opened an account in a small bank so as not to be sniffed by my sister Sakti. For financial transaction issues Lea can still do it.

"Sorry Lea this is all I can do to make amends" my inner heart.

I left the house when Leah was calm.

Tbc...

Thank you for reading & ______Thank you for reading

For information on schizophrenia please googling yaa a lot of information presented there how "great" this mental disorder. In this novel only provides a little information that is outline only.

Or maybe friends already know about this ?

For the impatient please skip yes rather than sprains not clear ntar sin.

again this fast.. sorry 🙏🙏.

I'm sorry I also can't follow the wishes of the reader flow like other authors might. Because I have my own groove sorry ya 🙏🙏

See you on monday insyaallah.

Thanks for following 😘