Between Love and Traditional Java

Requesting Permission

I've been pondering for a long time, it's wrong to avoid trouble. But I can't stay here. Every memory that is engraved always occupies my mind. Maybe, in my shadow, when I'm busy, getting out of my comfort zone, going as far as possible, doing new things, I'll be able to forget about it. Even though I don't know for sure, I can't throw him out of my heart. I will try to move on from him and everything about him. Although it is very difficult.

"Oh, there's something I want to say" I leaned on my mother's lap.

"Why else, every vacation home must be this upset," my mother stroked my head.

"I'm going out of the country" I said without further ado.

"You're kidding, foreign countries where, you're just a neighbor's name doesn't memorize, don't be weird." My mother immediately nagged long.

"No, I'm real" I begged my mother for permission.

"Why do you want to go abroad, you don't work as much as I charge" My mother held my hand. Considering my biological father does not care, let alone provide, just being patient is rare.

"Yes, you know that Cintya is Budhe's son, yayuk," I began to look for excuses.

"Why is he?" my mom's getting serious.

"He works in Brunei buk, in the store too,"

"Keep you'll come with him" my mother asked.

"Hehe. didn't know it yet, still looking for information," I was confused.

"Indeed why the thought of going abroad, your work is now good, enough salary, lots of money," my mother reminded me.

"Hmm. It is impossible that I say to my mother that because I broke up with Danial, because I want to escape from this situation, because I am not fully ready to let it go," my mind speaks for itself.

"Pengen join my friend aja buk," I just replied.

"That's Kak Zul in Brunei, working at a restaurant, Si Nani in Malaysia," I continued.

"That's Vienna right now in Hong Kong, too" I told my mother about my best friend.

"The girl you've always been telling, who suddenly resigned?" my mother understood and I nodded.

"Maybe I want to go to Hong Kong, I wish my mom would let me.

"Tell me why do you want to go abroad?" my mother urged me to be honest.

"I need the money buk," I'm looking for an excuse.

"Have you not paid enough all this time?" Mother's astonished.

"Quite a buk, just. ya want to seek experience aja buk, out of the comfort zone, find new things, meet new people," I assure my mother.

"His overseas is fun" I said.

One way to move on is to get busy and get rid of everything about it. And this is what I am doing, even though I do not know why there are plans to go abroad. Sooner or later I have to face this. Maybe if I go I'll forget a little bit about it, but one day I should also go back home. Will I be ready for everything? I don't know.

"Na, I told you yes, so tkw is not easy, not as easy as it looks." My mother advised me.

"Yes, I know, but please let me. I'm determined" I reassured my mother again.

"Have you rested, I want to cook food for your father, he'll be home soon," my mother passed to the kitchen.

Anyway I have to go abroad," I muttered to myself.

My mom was busy preparing dinner. I helped him bring dishes filled with side dishes to the dining table. Dad was in the middle seat, while me and my sister were on the left. The mother on the right shrewdly took the side dish for her father and children.

"Eat a lot, add more eggs," told my mother who rarely ate together. For coming home only once a month, sometimes even that I have fallen asleep because of fatigue on the way. I was away from my family, I lost a lot of moments together like this.

"Oh, yes, yes" I opened the chat that was delayed earlier.

"Well, your son said he wanted to go abroad, people sleep only mereo it's nemo, want to go far," my mother nagged out of worry.

"Sure, sure you are like me, I will be careful, earn a lot of money, save money, travel, anyway will be happyin ibuk deh," I cover my real reason.

I just wanted to calm my heart for a while. Give a pause to the people I know. I want to be alone, to rearrange a heart torn by an unapproved love. It's been a hard time for me, because she's been my first love so far.

"Mother ask your friend first, usually he helps the process of managing work abroad." Mother began to agree, but she saw teary eyes that were blinded by the light of the lamp, my heart became touched, it felt unbearable.

Am I being selfish? I just wanted to stay away for a little while, it felt like here every day I was just thinking about meeting him. Maybe I can still hold back from meeting him, given the easy access to find him. But I was afraid I wouldn't be able to hold it. If I'm abroad there's no reason to meet because I'm under contract, I think.

"Dad does not forbid you to work far away, but think carefully, you to the country of people, do not know anyone, if anything happens how?" My stepfather was worried about me. While I was reluctant to tell my real father about my plan. It felt that what was once as close as pulse was now as far as the sun.

"I'm sure well, I can, I'm desperate," I pacified my parents.

***

In the morning, the sun was shining. The wind infiltrated the curtains of my room. My eyes are so hard to open. When last night I was quietly crying on my bed. I who looks relaxed, cheerful and always okay in front of people, is actually very fragile. I tried to cover up my grief, I kept my own race. I miss Danial. It's hard to throw it out of my life.

Am I the only one who feels like this? Could Danial also feel lost? Am I the only one who misses? Or does Danial want a meeting? Ah .. There are only questions and delusions that fill my brain.

After the shower and breakfast I fell on the sofa. Social media does not really know what to see. When I was busy watching the performance of BTs on youtube, the sound of the motor was heard. I got up and looked out the window. My mother's friend came. Mom told him to come in. Soon a serious conversation began after a cup of tea was served.

"So you really want to go abroad?" Ask Mamik to me.

"Yes ma'am" I replied with a smile.

"Where are you going?" She interviewed.

"Hong Kong if you can, '" 'cause most of my friends are there.

"The process is rather long, you have to learn the language at the Agency, at least 3 months." Mamik explained.

"No problem ma'am, you can leave, please" Then I submit the requirements to register.

I was really determined by my intentions. I just pray that this is the best path I can choose.