Between Love and Traditional Java

The First Feast Day

My sister is ready with her blue Muslim dress. My stepfather had already encased the prayer mat on his shoulder. My mother has completed her hijab by adding sakura accessories to her passport. While I've been waiting on the terrace while scrooling my phone screen. There are so many words from my friends that I just read.

We walked to the mosque which was only three houses away. Before it is certain we take pictures first, capturing the moment of Lebaran as in previous years. I hope the smile engraved on the photo is not just a picture. I hope that joy lasts forever.

My little family, my new family, the family that was formed from disappointment at first, now needs each other. Now everything is going as it should. Only happy hue remained. I slowly carved my stepfather's name in my heart, though there was a little bit of a roaring quarrel at first. I who used to not be able to accept now have behaved normally. Slowly time will change everything. Changing hearts, attitudes and behaviors, changing the love that was once just a grain of rice into an entire place in the heart.

Me, my mother and my sister walked to the mother's place, while my father passed to the right to the place of the mother. I just hope that in other places, my father and his family are happy too. Although now we rarely meet each other face to face or just talk on the phone.

All the worshippers were worshipping, reflecting on the Lord and His Prophet. Cheerful face bolts were engraved on each face with various ages. After the two rakaat is done, we listen to Mr. Kyai's lecture carefully. It felt like a longing, thinking about what it would be like if Dad was still one roof with me. How we will celebrate each time. Almost fifteen years, I've forgotten that feeling, that feeling of togetherness. My shadow came to a halt as everyone stood up and shook hands. As much as possible I smile kindly, despite the feeling of being a little upset.

Food has been distributed, some have brought it home, some have eaten on the terrace of the mosque. Mingle with neighbors and chat. Crowd cut Lodho's chicken and eat it together.

While at home, I bowed to my mother and father, while my sister loved me.

"Oh, I'm sorry for all my mistakes, I'm so unruly, thank you for being strong enough to take care of me alone, don't be sad again, buk, I'll replace all your tears with a smile, you should be happy with dad now," My mom hugged me.

"I'm sorry, mom, too, son. You've also been proud for mom," I was moved to return her embrace. Then I changed my father's hand.

"I'm sorry, well, thank you for thinking of me as your own son."

"Together, it should be like that." My father rubbed my back. I am so grateful to God for giving me a second father who loved me so much.

After my sister went to bed with my mother's father, she greeted me and hugged me.

"Don't be naughty, you know," I flicked his forehead.

"So what the hell, sick tau," he pouted me sticking out my tongue. Dad Mom just smiled.

I apologized to my real father only via whatsapp. I sent him a text.

"Happy Eid Al-Fitr Yes well, sorry inner birth," I sent a message to him. But I don't expect a reply soon. Because it is certain that it will not be answered so soon. Then I returned one message from my friends.

"Minal Aidzin wal faidzin dear," Danial's message became the most special among dozens of other chat.

"Minal Aidzin wal faidzin too dear," I replied to his chat. Soon his face appeared on my phone. I said two words and said goodbye to Danial. I will visit the homes of my relatives and neighbors.

"Yes, I'll pick you up in the afternoon, to my house." Danial. I just nodded then he ended his call.

I went to the house of a neighbor and some of my brothers. Sometimes I envy, seeing one family come together completely. Haha I miss wanting to repeat it. Repeating a little thing while still living in the same house, with my parents.

***

"Loh, this is Dyana yes, it's big now," said one of my aunt. We have rarely met for a long time. I'm the one who works out of town always haven't had time to visit. Even when my niece gets married, I can't attend.

I just smile in shame.

"Yes, it's time for marriage" my sister grabbed my aunt's words.

"What brother, don't hurry," I flicked his waist.

"Aww. ciee maluu," all my brothers who had gathered laughed teasingly at me.

We chat lightly while watching tv, spend the nastar, chocolate and other snacks that have been provided. The first day of Lebaran we always gather at the house of my oldest aunt. My mother was the last of four sisters who were all sisters. Grandpa and Grandma died after my parents' divorce.

After eating the chicken opor, some brothers came home, including me. At three in the afternoon I was ready. I waited for Danial in the living room while breaking down my body. I woke up when a friend of my father and his son visited. I know his son because he comes to my house often.

"Come in" I let you in with my hand and smiled at Azam.

"Hey Na, how are you?" Azam greeted me first.

"I'm good, you're alone," while putting orange juice in front of him.

"Slightly heartbroken," Azam grinned while laughing. While Azam's father was chatting with my father in the living room next door.

Azam is the son of my father's friend. I know him because he visits here often. He always accompanied his father to discuss business with my father. We are the same age but different from school.

Soon the motor stopped in front of my house. I'm guessing for sure Danial.

"But Zam" I went from my chair to the terrace.

"Look yuk," I held her hand.

Danial was a little surprised because there was a man who had occupied a chair in my living room.

"Known, he's Azam, my father's son." I pointed to him.

"Danial," he extended his hand to Azam.

"Azam," returned his hand with a smile.

"It's like I've seen this guy before, but where is it?" Azam wondered.

"You going now?" I asked Danial.

"Next papa, you will still have your friend here" Danial smiled.

"If you don't have a papa right now, don't you Zam?" I asked Azam's opinion.

"No papa, I can talk to you later" Azam understood.

"Mother where?" Danial's looking for my mom.

"It's still in the kitchen, I made tea first yeah" I took the initiative. After I thought it was not good to leave Azam.

"Owh, I just remembered, he's Gea's ex," Azam nodded. Azam had seen a photo of Gea and this man on the Gea phone wallpaper, when it accidentally lit up because there was an incoming notification.

"Why Zam?" Danial caught another expression when he saw Azam.

"No, Dan, the rich have seen you before" Azam was confused to find an excuse.

"that's as famous as it is I am, to the extent that my face markets," Danial laughed grinningly.

"Why all girls can love him to the extent," Azam is still struggling with his mind.

"It was hard for Gea to accept me to take her place." Azam daydreams thinking.

"In his tea," I put a tray on the table, sliding the juice of the orange Azam that was half the time. Then he offered a cup of tea for the two of them. I saw Azam daydreaming.

"Why loe?" I nudged Azam's arm which gasped in shock.

"No papa kok Na," Azam woke up and laughed.

"Haha yes Dan, the face of the rich market loe." Azam replied to Danial's joke.

Danial grinned and then brewed his tea slowly. I sat next to him.

"Where was Zam at school?" Danial opens the topic of chat.

"SMA 5 Bandung," Azam brewed his tea as well.

"Do you know Geara?" Danial reflexes asked and mentioned the name that made Azam shocked.

"Hhukk.uhhukk.." Azam choked on the tea he was drinking.

"Not that's Danial's former name, yeah," I just said.

"Owh. hmm. yes I per.nah look at him, as if he is an osis child, yes an osis" Azam answered stammeringly.

"You know Geara?" Azam asked back.

Danial looked at me, I just sniffed my shoulders.

"Know" Danial answered briefly. A aura of awkwardness was rising between us.

"Why do I use Geara's name anyway," Danial sat up, feeling bad.