Between Love and Traditional Java

Surrender

Danial Pov's,

The rain began to fall, as if understanding how I felt. In the middle of a vast expanse of desert, where I looked at all just far away and empty. Like what my heart is going through. I feel very lost, if Dyana no longer occupies and fills the recesses of conscience.

I intentionally upset, disappointed and misunderstood her. Wishing that he hated me and decided. It hurts more if he leaves me when we love each other. It's better that he hates me so that I can accept him if he lets me go. It's only natural that he'll leave me after this attitude of mine.

I don't feel like I can say the real parting word we really want to get married. I don't know why my family hasn't been able to be open about customs and culture. Whereas in this era, many traditions are starting to not be done anymore. Maybe this is called bedo deso mowo coro, or different villages rules.

Some of the stories I heard from my friends outside the city, some even allowed a marriage. Or when the first child meets the last child, it is a very mismatched couple who in Javanese terms are closed. Many contradictions about custom, all go back to their respective beliefs. My family still keeps that tradition.

"Where are you going, why don't you call me?" dyana's message breaks the silence. Which I only saw from the notification.

I, who deliberately allowed the rain to pour down on my body, hoped that it would wash all my wounds, instantly came to a realization.

"Is that Dyana's concern for me?" i'm entangling.

I ignored the message. I am a coward. I dare not face reality. I should firmly say farewell instead of even raising expectations. Hanging it at a height then dropping it without feeling.

"If you're still busy with your friend, I understand, '" Dyana said. This time I opened the message and just read it. I looked at her profile picture. Dipping into every curve of his face, I wiped my phone screen as if it was touching his face. A sweet smile was engraved there, which I hoped would never disappear, but now I broke it.

"Are I giving up now?" I asked myself. As if my decision wasn't me making it. I don't believe in myself finally succumbing to circumstances.

"Out of rain, be careful when you go home," said the message again, which was ignored.

As soon as the cold broke out, I picked up the jacket that was draped on my bike. The shadow of Dyana flashed in my mind.

"Here's Dyana's jacket," I hugged her jacket remembering something.

Flash back on,

"I'm anterin ya," I offered to drive Dyana back to her shop.

"But I can take the bus anyway" Dyana refused.

"Udah, why I picked her up at home," I kekeh wanted to drive her.

"Of course we rarely meet" I still persuaded him.

"I don't want to bother you, my shop is far away" Dyana was always like that, not wanting to involve anyone else, if she could be alone.

"Udah, just like me, can't refuse."

"Yes, I'll wait at home if you make it," until Dyana finally agrees.

"And the rain, take shelter first yuk," Dyana asked to stop but I did not find a place that can be used to shelter. Along the way there were only trees on his left right.

"Nanggung nih, it's wet too," I keep pushing my bike so I can get to the shop immediately.

Dyana's hiding behind my back, so the rain doesn't get her wet. I feel the warmth in my body. Every moment that I spent with Dyana was memorable in my heart.

I stopped my bike at the gas station near his shop. We're going to the toilet. I told Dyana to clean up a little bit of her body. As he went to the toilet, I bought him a drink. Coincidentally near the pom there is a caffe.

"Now, drink first," I offered her some warm tea.

"Thank you" Dyana picked it up and sat down beside me.

"But still drizzling," Dyana tried to hold me back.

"Udah no papa, a little bit of a slumber," I cupped his face to calm him down.

"Yes," Dyana nodded and took off her jacket.

"Wear this, got you so wet," Dyana gave me her bomber jacket.

"It's just a little wet" I refused.

"Take off your jacket, I'll wash it off" Dyana pulled the zipper off my jacket. I finally took it off and changed it with my jacket.

"You're careful, don't speed, '" Dyana was attentive. I came home with Dyana's jacket, it was quite warm.

Flash Back off,

"Woii instead daydreams," Dicko surprised me.

"Ehh yes.. ii.. yaa. where are we going?" I'm shocked.

"Down yuk," Andi invited back to the village to shelter. We ordered boiled noodles shortly after arriving at a diner. We take shelter and rest.

I was almost at midnight when I got home. I ignored Dyana's messages. I'm putting together a word that won't make him sick even if we have to separate. I really couldn't maintain this relationship in the midst of my parents' lack of blessing.

The rain outside was getting louder and louder. I was staring at the window. Observing the quiet and wet-scented exterior. Silence, there are no vehicles. It was as if nature had fused with my feelings, understanding my turmoil.

"Le, you haven't slept?" Mother's voice from behind the half-open door.

"Not yet open, not yet able to sleep," I turned to my mother. Realizing that his face was getting smelly. His wrinkled skin is consumed by increasing age.

"It seems that I must rightly give up now," my mind came to a realization as it looked at the aging face. A very difficult choice but must be decided immediately. Because delaying separation means deepening disappointment later.

"Actually I really like Dyana, but I can't do anything Le, '" Mom sat in my bed. I followed. Lying my head on his lap.

"I know how to open it, I'm gonna take Dyana off" I stroked my mother's hand.

"Le, you're patient, just enough of your brother to let you down" I stroked my head slowly. I just fell silent, dancing with worry.

"Your father is very respectful of the ancestral heritage, he is a village leader, it is not easy for your father, your father also wants you to be happy" she said.

"After your brother's incident, your father was very embarrassed. Even now your sister has not come home. Yes, although all is destined, but if you can keep the tradition, better follow it. I just hope your brother will always be okay."

"Mother also does not blame you, because love can not choose, your feelings suddenly fall in the heart of Dyana, I really understand. Actually it also depends on trust, if we believe good will come then only good things come, marriage is worship. But on the other hand we live in Java, we have been living this tradition from the past, from before you were born too. I know this era has changed, modernization has been ripped." Mother still gently stroked my head, giving me understanding.

"It turns out that I understand very well, I've been prejudiced." I sat in my eyes, my eyes glazed over, as if tears were no longer able to hold me, but as much as I could. I don't want to let you get sad if you see me crying.

"Yes buk, I'll be friends with Dyana," maybe this is the only way for me to still be able to take care of Dyana. Before he finds the best man to replace me. Who would never let him cry and get hurt.

"It's late, go to bed, yeah Le," my mom moved my head. I woke up and smiled at my mother.

"Mother comes out first," After her departure. My tears fell by themselves. Just this time I really fell in love with a girl and didn't want to lose her. But circumstances never permit. My race to Dyana was beyond my feelings when I was with Geara.

"Dyana, I'm sorry I gave up." And as much as I can close my eyes in the midst of a heartbreak that cannot calm me down.