BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL

9. Brackets Yourself In The Room

A pair of my eyes glazed over after hearing what I had already described. I can feel how disappointed my mom is. Not only about our feelings that are falling apart, but also the shame that must be borne because the invitation has been spread, catering has been ordered, tents and buildings have been handled by a famous wedding organizer in Jakarta, Jakarta, even the left and right neighbors are willing to help.

"I'm sorry Rara ya ma," I asked, clasping my mother's hand tightly.

"No, you're not wrong Ra. If not a friend, how else? Aye, right?" Mama was still trying to speak loudly even though her voice was already shaking.

How can we not be sad, disappointed and panicked at the thought of all this? When we have prepared everything as best we can, as much as we can, but it turns out that it is all over, it will never happen forever. Hope is gone already.

"Son, why didn't Arif come here, talk to you?" ask Dinda.

I don't know, where do I know. He just handed everything to me, just like he was holding hands, just resigned when invited to negotiate about the wedding.

"Don't all this time he's just grazing brother!" accuse Dinda. "For the preparation of this marriage, Arif did not spend a penny, so actually even if the marriage was void, he did not lose anything. Aye, right?" say Dinda again.

"Oh God!" My mother was hysterical. "What do you mean try?"

"That's impossible, ma. Kak Gita may not carelessly process if it's just kidding. Rara knows that Gita is very careful in this matter."

"But the evidence is that Arif really lied to us, right? He's delicious, he's not losing anything. But us?" Dinda still elaborates on what she had been expecting all along.

"Rara doesn't know ma, can Rara excuse me to go to the room now?" my question, after Mama nodded, I immediately passed to the room, locking myself in solitude.

Slowly, I walked towards the bed. On the right side there is a pile of souvernir in the form of handbags and a small notebook of a number of invitations that have been spread.

Next to it is a set of white bed covers. Mama deliberately chose it to wear during the wedding day that only counts the day.

Slowly, tears began to flow. Somehow I have to face the next day. Moreover, Arif also works in the same place as me.

O Allah .. can this pain be healed?

It turned out to be so crowded when in a position in the marriage residence.

It's getting night. I decided to stay in the room, not interested in eating and drinking. Just spending time in solitude. Maybe for now it's better. I need it myself.

***

This morning is different from the usual morning. There was no sound of Mama waking me and Dinda, asking you to come to the dinner table immediately for breakfast so as not to be late for activities.

Me and Dinda also chose to stay at the dinner table. We were not at all interested in arguing or making fun of each other as we would normally do if it was breakfast and dinner.

Which artificial fried rice that is usually delicious now feels bland. Maybe because we feel bad. Dinda decided to leave immediately, while Mama chose to apply to the room on the grounds of wanting to make the bed until leaving me alone at the dining table.

Although heavy, I tried to finish the food. Scoop up rice grains. Swallowing it by being pushed by a glass of milk chocolate that somehow turns out to be strange taste when usually this is one of my favorites.

In front of the glass dresser, looks a reflection of the face of a woman with yellow skin, a nose that is not too sharp but also can not be said to be pug. A little cuby cheek. With round eyes.

"Fiuff ... enjoy your day Rara!" I said to myself.

When I finished, I got out of the bathroom. Then say goodbye to mom, while Dinda has left first.

"Are you really okay, Ra?" ask mama.

"Why ma?" I asked, while forcing a smile that actually feels stiff.

"There's Arif in the office!"

"Ma, Rara is nothing. Oh yes, later for the cancellation of the invitation, let Rara contact the guests we have invited. You take it easy, yes." I said.

"Ra, Mama knows you're hurt."

"The injury is definitely ma."

"Then you are only in danger. You can work somewhere else or just work with your mom, huh?"

"Yes, don't dong ma. Rara is nothing. The one who should be retreating was Arif, not Rara ma. Besides the book world is Rara's world, it's a pity if you have to go out when it's Rara's passion!"

After convincing Mama that I would be fine, whether I could or not, I then went to the office. Before riding the bike, I tried to catch my breath several times, it still feels tight in this chest.

O Allah .. Please servant!

The motor began to divide us Jakarta. I tried to encourage myself, but when the motorbike entered the office parking area, it felt like my voice was immediately shriveled.

"Yes Allah .. How is this?" I really deg-degan. Like carrying such a heavy burden. It hurts so bad.

At this office we met. The face of our relationship is mediocre, there is nothing special like with ordinary employees. Only occasionally greeting each other when I need his help to find data or ask for photos.

But suddenly he contacted Gita, asking to be processed with me. He, he himself, chose me. Of course I did not immediately agree, because this is not an easy matter for me, accepting foreign men in my life.

I can't deny that I still have trauma. Always try to keep your distance from other men because of the trauma with the divorce of papa and mom. I was afraid of being left behind when I had already placed my hopes on another man. Like a father who left us when we still desperately needed a father figure and responsibility.

Arif fought hard to get my heart. He not only approached me, but also tried to get close to Mama and Dinda. Until I finally settled down and opened my heart.

Both of her parents were brought to face her mother. He even called papa. Eventually, the wedding plan was set. Then suddenly he canceled unilaterally just like that.

Oh Allah ... How not to break my feelings. What I was afraid of finally happened. When I opened up hope, but was abandoned. Exactly like what was done wearing it to me back then. I was traumatized for the second time.