BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL

13. Go home

Just a few feet away from home, the motor suddenly stopped. Just like I thought, the gas ran out. I'm a typical person who often forgets to fill up on gas. I don't know why this always happens. I had to drive a motor. Then it suddenly occurred to Arif about the reason for canceling the wedding, that I was too good.

Smiles immediately spread. While I was talking to myself. If it is too good, too perfect, something as small as this will probably never be forgotten by me. This could be proof of how imperfect I am.

"No. Don't think about it Ra, you have to forget everything. Let's step forward. Make this a prayer. That you should be even better!" I encouraged myself.

My footsteps stopped right in front of the door. The greeting I wanted to say instantly receded upon hearing Mama and Dinda's conversation.

"Ma, Mama shouldn't just be mistaken for Papa. Dinda and Rara are not your responsibility. There is no obligation for Mama to care for, raise, let alone finance us. But it's all Papa's responsibility. Do not after there is a problem like this papa just talk to your mother's guilt. Where's papa all this time? Why did you leave us?" said Dinda with a raucous voice, whether he had cried or was about to cry. If Dinda had been so sure she already felt very sick.

I remember Dinda because she was my only sister. We both have almost the same nature. Only Dinda's more tomboyish. We're not typical of whiny kids. We were forged by the circumstances of being strong kids who were resilient even though Mama was trying to give her best for both of us.

At a very young age, we were abandoned by Papa. We saw Mama's struggle so hard for us, that it made us self-conscious. I fought with my mom in every way we could.

"It's Din," came the answer from my mother.

"Can't Ma. Dinda couldn't accept papa calling like that. Papa should ask dong first what the problem is. It's all pure not our fault. Who wants their marriage to fail? There is no Ma. Rara must be sad too. Mama involved how Rara tried to be mediocre even though her heart was broken. Dinda understands how sick Rara's sister is.

He's in an office with that Arif. I could meet him every day. It must be uncomfortable ma. Even if Rara says everything is fine, but Dinda is sure one hundred percent that it is not like that feeling. He just doesn't want to look weak!

Not to mention the burden that must be borne by Rara to explain to everyone who knows about the wedding plan. It must be very uncomfortable ma. It is if everyone understands, but most of the people who are half-dead cleverness, just to satisfy his curiosity to ask without feeling. I don't know what the purpose is.

Mama and Dinda felt the same way. We're uncomfortable too, right? Even if we can smile, it's all for Rara's sake. So that brother thinks we are not injured so as not to add to the burden of brother. What is it, ma? We're both hurt.

Rara may not know and Dinda wishes she didn't know all that for good. It is enough burden Rara, not to be traumatized by marriage, let alone we are the children of separation victims.

Papa should understand all that. Do not add to our burden. Papa has nothing to lose, right? Cost everything from mom and sister Rara. Preparation is also the three of us who set it. While papa? At most it helps to explain to the papa families that Dinda is also sure will not really care about our hearts!" said Dinda in a high tone to vent her emotions.

Astagfirullah. Hearing all of Dinda's words made these tears drip one by one. The longer the harder. It hurts so much to imagine the injury to Mama's heart because of me, even though I didn't accidentally do it.

If only I knew all this would be, I would never accept Arif forever. I don't even want to know him. But as a Muslim, it is not allowed.

Actually talking about a failed marriage is something that makes me very uncomfortable. But now I have no choice but to explain to my father not to blame Mama. I don't want Mama getting hurt because of this.

"Din, stop. Mama is willing to be the target of papa's anger, as long as papa does not offend Rara." said Mama.

"Can't ma. My mom has a heart too. It's called toxic. Do not let papa continue to hurt Mama because besides Mama, we are also injured by the care of papa who carelessly to mama. So please talk to papa. Reject any untrue accusations against Mama.

Papa must realize, Mama's service to us is very big. She is not only a mother to us, she is also a father. It's not all that easy. Dinda knew it was ma.

Papa should be grateful because Mama doesn't demand anything. When and a little mistake, papa should not play angry until he says Mama is not dirty and insult Mama in such a way. Dinda sad ma, hearing the abuse of papa to mama.

If you blame the education you gave us, then what have you done for us? There's nothing, ma?" said Dinda.

"Din .. has." Mama asked Dinda to no longer open the old wounds that the nutmeg inflicted on the three of us.

"The father who is not as a man, a husband and a father. Papa is wrong ma. Papa is evil. Papa is no good. Not Mama!"

"But Din,"

"There's no but-but ma. Dinda was tired of seeing mama continuously accept all the attitude of papa that makes Mama samsak when papa angry.

Do you know why Dinda skipped school, so papa and mama were called to school? Not because of Dinda's own wishes, ma. But because Dinda was upset with papa. Dinda envies papa's stepchildren who are treated like their own. While Dinda, let alone attention, maybe papa does not remember having children Dinda and Rara. That's the name!"

"Dina,"

"Ma, let Dinda reveal everything. Let me understand how big the mistake is and not repeat it again. Dinda and Rara's brother have long since lost their papa figure. For us papa is a very difficult figure we achieve. No more bad things in our minds about papa because actually we do not want to be ungodly. We want to be good kids, ma. Wants to be devoted to papa too. But you also have to be a good father to us, at least don't hurt Mama anymore. No child would be willing for his mother to be sick, even by his own father!"

"Din, already. Don't let your brother hear you later. Mama was afraid Rara would be sad. We help Rara to heal her heart. Don't be burdened anymore. We are the ones who are injured. Soon Rara will be home, if she knows it must be very sad, Din"