Why ?

Start Again

The next day....

Still in the same place, I even stood from 1 hour ago in front of the door of this house. Without any intention of knocking it again.

For what else if it wasn't just to come and see him, I'm sure he was there and just needed time to see me. The way I'm going to keep coming and the continuous might be able to make it a little lethargic and try to give me one more chance.

While waiting for a little time that fits me a little back to remembering the first time I began not like its existence until I am as loving as it is now.

Wouldn't take him to a more serious level even I can for now. I don't want to lose anymore.

'

'

The flashback

Who does not know me and my relationship with Sena Andin during college?

Even if asked all students majoring in Business also know how to work I can get love.

Gua is aware of my way like this, Sena has even taken it for granted and does not care about my feelings. Wh why?

Because we were so close, so close to him, I could have made his home my second home to go home. His home was where I rested releasing many tired, running from the reality of my life. Where I eat and play and much more.

Wherever I will always be with Sena. I know my feelings, I love her and it's sincere for her. That's why I'm so persistent that until my struggle is considered ordinary. And that doesn't make me give up at all.

Until one day Rey's presence is none other than our seniors be the beginning of everything. I admit I lost a lot when Rey approached her. I feel defeated, because I am close, very close to the same he can be defeated easily just like that. Rey brought a lot of changes in our closeness, Sena who was used to being dependent on her.

And at one point, I could see Sena was already in love with him. I see my existence has almost shifted so far from Sena's life. I admit I lost and accepted my defeat at the time.

We often clash our mouths when discussing his closeness to Rey. I know I'm a little weird if I have to ban him from being close to another guy. But also how I feel I can not compromise. I don't like to see him close to anyone else. Until he mentions a first sentence "Lo who set me up? You're nobody, either!" That's what he said and it was the first time I questioned our relationship with myself. So far we have not been too close. I'm not even a nobody. I'm really a nobody. But no matter what the question is, I can't see him like that.

I am not a nobody. But somehow I don't want him to be close to other guys. I deliberately act lazy to know and pretend to be cheerful every time with him, all because my feelings are confusing, taking me too far and long. Even slice it again I've been used to my silly behavior to make him bete or upset every time with him. All that, just because I want him to be disturbed by my presence, let him also get used to my presence.

The point is, I'm afraid that if someone comes and takes him away from my sight, I want to take a short break but other than me there are other people who try and I'm afraid to lose track.

He's hard to reach as many people as I am. I know I am weak in fighting. I'm also an ordinary human being sometimes I was at a slightly relieving time but in fact I can't even make a stop for a moment. 

In fact, I still love and I love as far as our closeness to date.

The highlight, I could love and hate him at the same time was starting from his quarrel with our senior at the college at that time.

I know exactly the problem, but when I got to the room, I just saw them fighting with Sena who kept saying that she was not ******.

More precisely, when the words of Selly that made me suddenly realized all this time I forgot something that 'Sena experienced many painful things not only at home even on campus one of the reasons is me and Rey's brother who continues to be present in his life'

We never realize that the presence and attention we give is what makes him feel sick. And what's more sad is that he didn't even understand what happened and hit him at that time'

Realizing that, I felt an urge that said I quit and gave up. Aware also my struggle seems to be in vain all this time.

I try to compromise myself again. In the end I realized He would stay and stay but not as hope to be the only one.  Sometimes life has to be about me and myself. I also need time he's not wrong. It's just that I was hoping for more about him.

I'll fix everything but not now, my sight back then before leaving it for no reason whatsoever.

The second I started hating him was stupidly believing the news that was spread on campus about him. A lot of his ugliness was revealed and in that position was very supportive of my feelings to start hating him without basis.

I was just following along more precisely.

I'm so stupid if you think.

I hated him for forcing myself to believe the news, he was said to be involved in the divorce of Ivan's parents, The drug scandal that included his picture made me believe.  He even entered the list of students who do bullying on campus, although I do not know very well and believe in it. And this is what makes me hurt and establish myself to hate him he counted as a girl who plays to a nightclub just because of his loneliness. And all the more convincing me with the disappearance of Rey even before the exam was finally also done because it started from the problem of Sena.

Everything was revealed after we finished with everything about the campus and at that time he ran as fast as possible to get out of the campus environment. I can see he's so frustrated because he's probably seen the news. But when he looked at me at the time he even looked so slick and it managed to make me sick of it. Not to mention I convinced myself to hate him back then.

I hated Sena at the time.

But when I finally understood. Sena not all wrong is proven. Not him, he is just a victim of the selfishness of heartless people like for example I do not need to go far to take an example. I included the guy. I even knowingly it was not him who bullied but we who bullied him indirectly. He's very kind. Why should someone like us be around him.

I just found out it was Mira doing it. He almost threatened his life, he was threatened, he was fragile but I came and sprinkled salt on his wound. I am one of the horrible humans. Hurt without basis or reason.

Knowing all the truth, and I realized Rey's disappearance was just to keep her from getting hurt again, keep her safe and live well without any more bullies. I finally took the same step. Pretend to be selfish for everything that happens to us. Just to make it live well.

He needs rest or maybe he stops and lives well. He was too kind and too fragile to be made sick again. Even though he looks strong, he is the weakest and must be guarded from afar if so happens.

I went back to improving myself and rearranging the feelings that I could not hate with trivial things. I am a fool to hurt someone I love. I can only sort out well which ones are just affectionate and which ones are really dear after everything is clearly revealed.

Until the moment he invited me to meet at the time. I'm like it was back. The former Jeno, only pretence is left with a purpose for his good.

he only came to ask the reason once again.it might be his last chance to give up but for the sake of making it safe he had to live without knowing anything first until he understood by himself later, but for the sake of making it safe he had to live without knowing anything first until he understood by himself later, I think at that time.

Sorry Jeno yesterday!

Flashback off

'

'

And if time can be turned I want to go back to the time when he ran from the hateful gaze of the people at that time and became the only place he leaned and became the most comfortable place to take off the pill.

But, does that regret always come at the end?

Yes, I regret very, very sorry for everything.

If only, ah have not used the word 'if' again.

I want Sena now.

I want him to know that this complicated human figure is already very sorry.

I want to meet him right now.

Yeah, it's time.

"Good afternoon Mang!" I said when I first entered the yard of his house again after I had time to get out of the gate of his house.

"Good afternoon, Jeno! Whoa, I don't know if you're there!" He felt a little guilty about closing the main door.

"Gapapa mang's. Can I come in?" my many.

"Oh, let's kid. Please!" Mang Edi's.

"Awhile yeah. Go back first," Mang Edi.

"Yes, mang" I replied.

A few minutes passed...

"Please drink. Sorry yes, people are out for shopping so I live here alone!" Mang Edi's.

"Oh, gapapa. Just returned, huh? I just saw it now?" My toot.

"Yes son. There's a lot of business in the village." Mang Edi's.

After talking for a long time I finally took the initiative to ask a little question.

"Ehm, how long are they still behind it?" I asked because there was no sign of them coming back.

"Don't know son. They seemed to be a bit old because they were shopping monthly!" Mang Edi's.

"Indeed, from now on, it's Sena's job with Ivan to help aunt IM shop?" Ask again. Because it's a little strange if Sena also comes with monthly shopping. Usually, he does not know the materials to be purchased.

"Nor. The only impression is Ivan's with aunt Im!" Mang Edi's.

"Where's the gun?" Ask me surprised.

"What do you mean by Jeno?" Edi was a little confused.

"Where is Sena going?" I said once again.

"Lho, non Sena doesn't exist!" Mang Edi is serious.

"Who's she coming out with?" I went back as usual and sipped a drink.

"Bu-" and rightly said that Edi was stopped because the main door was suddenly opened by aunt Im of course and I'm sure after this Ivan will appear as well.

"Eh, there's Jeno! Is it long, son?" Aunt Im.

"Yes Bi. Again shopping huh?" I asked for pleasantries while helping my aunt bring her groceries to the kitchen because I already knew the location of the kitchen from the beginning was still the same.

After the event lifted groceries, we sat back and told a story across the sofa there was Ivan who was serious with his cellphone and occasionally looked at me sharply. And the mang Edi who smoothly tells beside me now. More precisely I'm the same as the story of Edi doang.

"Hm, can we stay a minute?" ivan in the end.

"Oh, please den. It just so happened that Mang forgot to pick up the garden equipment in front earlier!" Tell Edi and move on from there.

"Whenever here?" Ask Ivan directly.

"You're going to see Sena!' reply sure.

"I told you the same. Don't come here anymore!" Ivan's.

"Why?" fool my questions into it. I knew I even disappeared in a matter of years, it was Jeno's year!. The man in front of me will now laugh.

"Lo if you want to laugh, don't be here bang. I don't feel funny at all!" Ivan ketus's.

"Sorry! Please give me a chance to meet him, just once!" I pleaded in the end.

"Back ajalah bang. I don't have time!" Ivan's.

"Gue wants to see Sena instead of lo!" My answer.

"Go home. Why did you meet him?" ask Ivan.

"Gue needs time to get here, just to fix everything. You can't support me once!" my spoken.

"I support Lo. Make what?" Ivan cynic.

"Make me correct this mistake!" I answered seriously and hoped.

"Reverse ajalah. I'm cape. And I feel free!" Ivan got up and was about to leave this room.

"OKAY. Take a break. Let me wait for the gun here. Papa!" My answer is a little relieved.

"Free! Don't waste your time!" Ivan stopped stepping.

"Why? I'm so sorry to wait here!" I replied enthusiastically because Ivan was a little slow to speak.

"Lo go back!" Ivan went to his room and ended up waiting for me to know Sena was behind it the night.

^^^_13 nov. 21^^^