Why ?

Longs

The true definition of longing is where we can no longer greet each other but still say his name in every prayer.

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Every time I go to sleep, I think a lot about the hurt and sadness that is always hidden when I am awake.

Sometimes I feel happy many times in the last few days and then I also feel sad half to die the next day.

Nothing is forever, not even feelings and

predestination. So I try to appreciate all that is only temporary in some time. Because all of that is

the whole life part.

Like the rain that never knew where it was going to fall. Like a choice that can't be guessed how it ends. Like fate that gives us no choice to live like what. It's also like life that never knows how it will end.

That's how life is sometimes lived no matter how sick and tired we are.

Like us who sometimes can not choose which is really serious about our existence. Today maybe we are living a life that is far different from our expectations.

But, as is the truth sometimes we

we have to accept and be sincere with what is available to us.

And for the umpteenth time. I had regrets in the end.

Regret with many equally select decisions that do not match expectations.

My decision to lose the contact of some friends even everyone who has been present in a previous life.

A few moments came back to mind and filled my mind at this moment. As has happened, not many people know of my existence here. Just my parents and don't forget Sean was on campus with me.

After 1 year was missed...

Back I felt lost. I miss some of them and all about them.

In fact, the most painful regret in life is a loss you have intentionally ignored before.

"Ren!!!, I miss!" gres said with unstoppable tears.

"Should I replay time?  I thought I was the most hurt at the time. I guess I was the one at the lowest point at the time. But, why! Whyyy??? You never show all the sadness? I feel the most evil and heartless now. I regret focusing too much that I was the one who was hurt the most" Gres cried with a cry of pills.

How not. After a year has passed. They actually never came back. Those with their own lives, no longer know how they are in different places.

His choice to go far and leave without a trace back then, was in fact mistaken.

After he was lifted too high, he was slammed repeatedly in the end.

That event, it happened again. Loss, despair, fear and worry.

Yes, both of his parents were lost without news again after driving him in this city. He said he did not know if they were still alive or not.

All passed without him noticing. Slowly they will leave too in the end.

Something that has become a habit will feel difficult to control.

"Why should I? Even to go back well and forget to start over is very difficult for me to feel," he said in the silence of the night on the balcony of his apartment room.

"This may be my destiny, even now that I feel no pain anymore!" gres said while he was still squatting.

"Yes, and the worst thing is not to feel pain anymore. The wound you feel now is the most painful wound because it is no longer felt but continues to imprint. You will be able to get through this and still be able to go home!" said Sean who had not since when had stood and leaned on the glass connecting the balcony.

"Sean! I am so evil to know. I was selfish all this time and worse I was not aware of it all. Look, I've hurt them repeatedly. I don't know how many times I can't remember!" gres said frustratedly.

"They are good people. They won't count on that!" exclaimed Sean who had gently stroked his head that was still lowered.

"Gue deserves all this!" gres said at the end.

"Gue can not promise you to complete all your life problems. But I promise you won't be alone in dealing with all this!" exclaim Sean.

But yes, humans are born through meetings to produce lessons and memories. Thank you at a time that has made us understand if in the end we only need to accept and summarize.

After all, in fact as much as we can. We cannot change the past. Change some things that we do not like, and we can not be sure where to go and where in the future. Even the mind will not be able to guess who will succumb in the end.

Thank you for coming this far, for being strong.

Slowly everything will recover even though it is still limped. Gapapa today is sad because he will slowly disappear.

The important thing is not about forgetting, but how to make pain a lesson.

True once eternal is only the word :)

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"Gres!" call him when they are enjoying the cold of the night at the end of the terminal, no matter what kind of chaos. So that he can take the girl away from their residence at a time that almost met dawn.

Yes, they are now at the end of the terminal that looks deserted because it is too late. He, deliberately brought him here to make it back good.

"Hm?" murmured Gres with his two legs hanging on slowly swinging.

"Someone once told me that 'life is like metamorphosis. it cycles from phase to phase' and I admit that it is true that over time the burden of life increases the level" Sean said.

"Lo's right. I want to give up, but baby. Sometimes like tired but still want to be here, actually wrong not really if you have to be tired?" gres looked at Sean in silence.

"Then it's human. Gapapa because you are also human. When you feel too tired try to remember how you persistently fight for many things when you are forced to hold your ego, hold your anger, hold back your longing, and fight your ego, and even when you once pretended to be calm to make some of them smile. When you have to convince yourself to believe, you convince yourself you'll be okay when you're hurt" Sean.

"But what if I'm too tired to hold on?" cut Gres.

"It's okay if you have to be tired. You deserve to be tired. You deserve to cry. You deserve to be disappointed. You deserve to be angry, but, YOU'RE AMAZING FOR IT" Sean replied.

"Tired you are natural, unnatural when tired of being bored and trying to give up and let go. That's incorrect. Don't let it happen and you do it" Sean added.

"Hm, you're right. I just need time like that" said Gres looking at her with a warm look.

"Lo is just in the tired phase not by giving up!" sean replied holding a small body of a human beside him.

Being tired is human

_August. 2021