Why ?

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°HAPPY READING :)

Rendi POVs

We still have a voice but we have

not matching. We still see but we don't look at each other.

We can walk but we have

not one purpose. We are still feeling, but we are not giving each other love.

I don't want to be selfish with myself

who wants to be with you. I also know myself with my attitude that exhausts your heart. I no longer blame your choices.

I choose sincerely and patiently

releasing your. May you love yourself more.

May you always take care of your heart carefully.

Thank you for being honest and leaving without a trace. Thank you even though you scratched too deep for me. Each of us has our own path in the end.

Last day, thank you for letting go and not holding me back, and thank you for letting me go, even in the end

you are the bravest to leave and end it all.

Thank you for a happy childhood. Thank you for a home that never really. Thank you for our hope and desire that will not be achieved.

Thanks for the unidirectional feeling. Take good care of yourself, and if one day able to make us return I will fix everything wrong that has not been forgiven.

"Gres I miss you!" Rendi said in the end.

"Where the hell are you?" said Rendi looking away at some tall buildings in front of her now.

He already knows if Gres is not in Indonesia anymore. He even went home just to prove whether Gres still exists or not.

True said his mother, if Gres just disappeared.

No one knows where he is now, even his parents did not live in Indonesia anymore. His house in Indo was occupied only by some workers who remained loyal there and never returned home.

The people of his house had asked Rendi one by one but none of them knew of his whereabouts.

After fully realizing that Gres is no longer in the Indo, he decided to return to Germany last week.

"Where are you anyway? I can never even lose this fucking feeling Gres!!" Remain frustrated.

"Where are my next days after knowing you're gone and don't know where?. Gres is very sick as long as you know! I feel too tight in my chest right now," said Rendi who had even cried in silence.

And it turns out to be true, crying while holding the voice so that it does not sound is another level of pain.

So ill. The pain even spread all over the pulse.

'

'

'

For a while....

"Everything is allowed to happen according to its law. It goes right, it passes right and it should be so for any of us who are trying to accept how nature and man make us more and more clueless.

If today we are with a lot of regrets, it helps us give ourselves to just rest. Many things will and must happen without our control.

For now, maybe I am not letting go, not mengikhlaskan or take it with air.

I just give you space and time. We just need to look at ourselves and fix what we want to improve.

Even if later we do not have the opportunity for it, at least we have been a part of the moments and memories of the past.

Not giving up the fate that happened, just improving yourself for the better is also necessary, right?.

For you, who have been and always have been in the heart and in every shadow of my life, well, sometimes our lives do not know where and where, and where to go, in fact, we'll never guess.

We just want to isolate ourselves from many things or maybe from this world and spend the rest of our lives reflecting.

And as for feelings, I know they cannot be at will, but feelings cannot be ignored either. Since most people are hurt from not being able to control his feelings," muttered Rendi in a pretty cold night atmosphere in the usual place he was releasing fatigue.

Yes he was on the balcony of his apartment enjoying the night with a view that thousands of lights fighting the city where he lived.

The POV End.

His phone broke the silence of the night.

"Halo Pa," said Rendi when she managed to shift the green button on the screen of her phone.

"Hello son, how are you?"

"I'm doing fine. Papa the same Mama how are you? Mama doesn't make Papa bother anymore, does she? Heheh-" asked Rendi chuckling. Somehow every time the house person called him he again felt good and comfortable just felt warm, especially while mocking the mother.

"alright. We're fine too, son! Your mom is getting chatty more and more! There is no day without his tirade. Sometimes you just want to leave the house"

"Yes, stop Pa! Papa just makes me sick to my stomach from laughing. I can't imagine that Mama is here right now, maybe she'll take our hair out!" randy shouted, still unable to stop laughing.

"Lucky he's no more so we can talk about it, heheh-"

"Eh, how is Papa's company doing?" asked Rendi curious because he had not been on the phone for a long time by his father, lately most of the mother who called.

"Papa is now a lot tired, sometimes also want to spend time to relax at home or where. Hurry to college let you change Papa. Looks like Papa needs a long vacation with your mom!"

"Yes yes. I'll work faster than Papa expected. Healthy Pa!" said Rendi smiling.

"Hm, are you okay?"

"Woahh, lately. There are some things that are very disturbing to the mind!" said Rendi weakened.

"Try talking about it to yourself,"

"I've done. Even until now I have not understood," replied Rendi taking a deep breath.

"Which Papa knows, all questions have their respective meeting points except feelings!"

"Hm. Papa was right and I was in that circle like, rather I was confused as to how I felt!" answer Rendi honestly.

"Fall in love we can't control, but love can. We won't know who we're going to fall in love with, but there are usually some who can control their feelings. It depends on whether they hold on to continue to love or even disconnect that feeling and end up looking for another. Everything can be arranged by themselves experiencing it!"

"I'm confused Pa! For now maybe I'm just resting myself without changing anything" said Rendi slowly with a serious look staring away while listening well.

"Hm yes yes. Meaning you only ever love but end before you reach it. Not together but have chosen their own path. You are in the learning phase of becoming an adult to understand what it is. One thing you need to remember is that love struggles if it sacrifices. And now that you're proving it, I think it's a pretty sweet lesson.

Stop trying to fool yourself!"

"Woahh, it looks like I feel like I'm consulting the expert right now!" exclaimed Rendi smiling even though no one could see her like that.

"Stop bragging! Go to college quickly and go home soon and maybe if there's a bonus for bringing a daughter-in-law too, it looks like your mom is lonely so chatty once in her old age!"

"Yes, you don't forget that everything needs a process. So be patient, aren't you good at waiting?" said Rendi to prank her father.

"Yeah, cut it out. Study hard rancid boy!" my father ended the call.

"Huhahah. Well, it seems like this is my new hobby. Getting them upset doesn't seem like a bad idea. And it can also make me better," muttered Rendi chuckling.

Life is full of things to look forward to. Some people might not understand.

But in any case in life there are some things that can not be waited for, some are not worth waiting for but never come home.

It's hard.

"Hopefully at some time I still find you in a long wait without turning around" said Rendi slowly and went into her room to rest because today was quite tiring for her.

_18 August. 2021