To Mutia

Wudhu and pray

"Mutia!"

The call managed to jolt Mutia from her daydream. Making Mutia who was cooking fried rice with a grimace was shocked and accidentally touched her arm on the hot pan. Spontaneous Mutia removed the spatula while grimacing softly, then switched to holding her painful arm.

Not until two minutes someone grabbed his hand, then smeared thick liquid on the burn. Looking to the side, Mutia found Yudha giving first aid to her wound with a worried look.

"Why don't you be careful, anyway. I knew it was cooking, and daydreamed." - grimacing as he kept a bottle of honey in the top cabinet, before throwing a sharp look at Mutia.

Mengulum smiled, Mutia did not immediately respond to Yudha's grunts, instead busy throwing honey on the part of his arm that was burning. "I'm not daydreaming, Mom." she said. "Who wouldn't be surprised if suddenly called out in such a loud tone."

Yudha raised an eyebrow hearing Mutia's denial. "If you are not daydreaming, you should hear my footsteps, realize my arrival and respond when I ask what you are doing. But in reality you just kept quiet and looked straight ahead with a blank stare, thus making me finally call you out loud."

"really?" mutia's countenance looked puzzled, then raised her shoulders. "I didn't even realize I was daydreaming."

Glancing at the stove that was still burning, Yudha immediately turned off the flame so that the fried rice that Mutia cooked was not burnt, before responding to the woman's words.

"What exactly are you thinking, Mutia? Lately I have noticed that you often daydream and lose focus, either in BM or at home. Mbah also told me that some nights you always sleep late, but Joseph is not fussy. What's the matter, Mutia?"

There was no answer, Mutia just lowered her head.

"You can't keep going like this, you'll get sick later. And if you are sick, Joseph can also be contagious." Gets Mutia's hand, Yudha holds it gently, making the woman look up. "Don't you remember, we're getting married soon?"

Mutia nodded her head.

"That means we have to be open to each other. To build trust, it takes honesty. If we're still keeping secrets together, then we can't trust each other yet, while in marriage, we need trust as one of the foundations."

Mutia's black bead stared fixedly at Yudha, until the sound of crying caught their attention. The two simultaneously turned to the origin of the sound, only to find Mbah Sriti standing in the kitchen doorway holding a weeping Joseph.

"Sorry to bother you. Yusuf from earlier was crying, did not want to diem, it looks like he was looking for his Mother" said Mbah Sriti, staring unkindly at Yudha and Mutia who previously seemed to be involved in serious talks.

"It's okay, mba." Yudha approached Sriti, then took over Yusuf, who was miraculously silent.

"You want to see Dad, okay? I heard Dad's voice from the room, but I didn't come to take you, so you cry to be carried and brought to Dad. Well, Father's son is very pinter, anyway." with a sigh Yudha kissed the entire surface of Yusuf's face while making strange noises, which managed to provoke Joseph's laughter.

While Mutia who was watching the interaction the two were getting more agitated. Does after Mas Yudha finds out about Haikal, Mas Yudha will still behave like this? Inner call. He did not want Joseph to lose Yudha, after Joseph felt so close and comfortable with Yudha that he considered her father.

"Mutia,"

Along with the call, Mutia felt a touch on her arm, making her look at Yudha with a small forced-looking smile.

"You haven't answered my question. What's wrong with you, heum?"

Mutia shook her head, then spoke in a soft tone. "I'm afraid this happiness is just a dream, and then when I wake up everything disappears."

Approaching Mutia, Yudha hugged the woman from the side. He leaned Mutia's head against his chest, as his lips gave a long kiss on Mutia's head, before placing his chin there.

"You must know, Mutia, there is not one thing that is eternal in this world, nor is happiness. Happy and sad are like a pair of feet, always going hand in hand. Imagine if we lost one leg? We won't be able to walk properly, will we?"

Mutia nodded with eyes that could not be seen Yudha.

Smiling, Yudha gently rubbed the black mane of Mutia. "Together with happiness. If we are happy, we lose our balance. The feeling of happiness often makes us forget ourselves and leave God, then there is the task of sadness, to realize that nothing is eternal in this world and we must always remember God." with a smile, Yudha swooped into Mutia's nose. "Do you want me to tell you how to get rid of fear and make our hearts calm?"

"What?"

"Berwudhu and pray."

Either only Mutia's feelings or suddenly there was a light behind Yudha that made the man now appear to shine as he smiled warmly at Mutia, which felt so soul-centered.

"With ablution will make us able to think clearly, eliminate all anger and fear. Prayer strengthens our faith and draws us closer to God. For there is nothing to fear in this world but the wrath of God."

...* * *...

Yudha's phone rang loudly as she just got out of the car. Picking up the phone that he kept in his pants pocket, Yudha couldn't help but chuckle when she saw Mutia's name on his phone screen. Yudha immediately answered Mutia's call, leaning her back against the body of the car.

"Yes, wife-to-be?" he said in an amused tone after saying hello. "I've just stayed, I've lost it." Godanya, who he believes must have made Mutia grunt at this time.

Seeing Mutia's condition that is not okay — is not physical, but her psychic— makes Yudha finally ask or rather force Mutia not to enter the office today, because the woman needs to rest herself.

"Whatever, please. What matters is that I'm happy."

"Oh clear. I was happy to marry a beautiful Mutia Haruka, cute adorable kayak squishy." flickering lips, Yudha tried to refrain from laughing.

"Squishy again, squishy again. There's no better equation what?!"

This time Yudha actually blew her laughter while catching a lascivious tone in Mutia's speech. "Sorry, don't sulk, dong. Later I can't bear to go home to hug you."

"Oh my God, my. Why be flirtatious gini, anyway?!"

Yudha's laughter grew louder. "No papa. I'm flirtatious as well as my own wife-to-be. Well, if I'm flirty with someone's wife, that's danger."

"Yes, yes, love it. I just wanted to ask you a call, what would you like to eat lunch?"

"I'm asking you not to work, so you can rest, so why do you want to anterin me lunch?"

"I'm just masakin, I'll ask Anton to take it at home."

"Ah, so." then Yudha was silent for a while. "Please make carrot ozeng, sambal and Chicken rica-rica, yes."

"Chicken rica-rica? Ihh, I'm staying with Ata. That's his favorite."

Yudha smiled as she imagined the face of her nephew, who was so beautiful despite being seven years old.

"Oh yeah, I just want to make it?"

Yudha.

"alright. Assalamualaikum, future priest."

"Waalaikumsalam." The call ended, Yudha stared at her phone with a big smile. He was sure that at this time Mutia must be blushing in shame because of her own words.

"Yuddha."

"Call remember me?"

Yudha scrunched his forehead.

"We met two days ago at the supermarket."

"Ah," Yudha smiled amiably as she managed to recall the figure before her. "You're Mutia's friend, right?"

The man who did not introduce his name yesterday nodded his head. "Can we talk? It's about Mutia."

"Mutia?" Yudha parroted, then glanced at her watch. "I'm sorry, but I have to work."

"It's okay, we can talk at lunchtime. How's it?"

"All right."

"I'm waiting for you at the opposite restaurant." the guy —who is none other than Haikal— pointed at the restaurant he was referring to, before saying goodbye to leave. Leaving Yudha shrouded in curiosity.

...* * *...

Mutia was feeding Joseph in the living room while watching television, when the sound of the door slamming loudly. It was not until two minutes after Mutia directed her attentions at the origin of the sound, that Yudha's figure appeared, standing near the parapet walls of the living room and family room.

"Mas Yudha," smiled widely, Mutia placed the bowl of porridge on the coffee table, then got up from sitting down. "If you go home like this, why not all lunch at home, so do not listen to Mr. Anton to take lunch when the streets are jammed. Lunch has arrived, right?" mutia momentarily glanced at the wall clock. "Ah, of course. It's been half an hour since Mr. Anton's departure. I ate too, right?"

Mutia's smile instantly disappeared as she realized that at this moment Yudha looked different. The man's jaw seemed to tighten, his lips thinned to form a straight line, his hand —one of which held a map— clenched firmly, while his eyes... the black eyes that were always staring at Mutia warmly were now changing with sharp gazes full of anger. Mutia could also catch the disappointed look from the way the man looked at her, so dense that it made Mutia feel suffocated and suffocated at the same time.

"Mbah." instead of responding to Mutia's words, Yudha instead called Mbah Sriti. And not until two minutes the figure of the woman's lungs paled from the kitchen, walking tumbled up to him.

"Please take Joseph to the room." ask Yudha in the softest tone possible, although at this moment what she wanted most was to shout loudly.

Without much questioning, Sriti immediately carried Joseph and took the little baby to his room on the second floor, leaving Mutia who was now staring at Yudha with her eyebrows knitted, with her eyes closed, while Yudha himself watched over Mbah Sriti who brought Joseph.

When he no longer saw the figure of Mbah Sriti and the door of Joseph's room was closed, Yudha turned her attention to Mutia. Unscrewing the map he held without turning his gaze away from Mutia, he threw several pieces of paper in the map onto the table.

"What is this, Mutia?"

Still in confusion, Mutia directed her gaze at the sheet of paper on the table. A little bending he took a piece of paper, read it, then turned his back. A second later Mutia looked at Yudha with a deathly pale face.

"Where did Mas get this?" he said with a sigh when he found that the sheet of paper that Yudha had just thrown was the wedding file and his divorce with Haikal.

Yudha smiled sinisterly before answering. "Where do you think I got it?"

Mutia. Without Yudha telling him, he knew the answer.

Seeing Mutia's response made Yudha laugh out loud. His black bead was getting disappointed and hurt.

"So right..Your husband didn't die?"

You idiot! Knowing the answer, you still ask, Yudha?

Because I wish all this was just Haikal's way of creating misunderstandings between us. Mutia couldn't possibly lie to me! closing his eyes for a moment, Yudha let out a rough sigh.

"Mas, I can explain."

Mutia's reply instantly obliterated Yudha's entire belief, making the man smile bitterly.

One step forward, Mutia tried to approach Yudha, but the man turned his back and cast a reprimanding gaze that seemed to say; do not approach me, Mutia!

"Explain?" this time Yudha smiled mockingly. "That means, all this is true." with a blank look, Yudha pointed to the sheet of paper strewn across the table. "You're just gonna tell me, after I find out from someone else? If Haikal doesn't say this to me, until when are you going to hide it, Mutia?!"

Mutia's reflexes rewinded her body, not expecting that Yudha would put a high note on her. Shaking, Mutia lowered her head and cried in silence.

"I-I'll tell you, Mas, but I'm waiting for the right time to say it." Mutia's voice rang out in between as much as she could.

"Waiting for the right time? When, Mutia? I've even told you my darkest secret, one that even my parents didn't know. It was all I did so that there would be no secrets between us." agitatedly moving, Yudha clutched her hair violently.

"I don't care if you're a widow because your husband died or divorced, what makes me disappointed is that you lied to me, Mutia, when our marriage was in sight."

Yudha's anger was already unstoppable, so Mutia chose to clench her mouth tightly. He spoke, Yudha would not listen to him. Because when we are emotional, we will be blind and deaf, so we cannot know what is right and what is wrong.

Silence is the wisest option to defuse anger, because if he debates Yudha now, it can be sure they will burn with emotion and end up as ashes.

"I've always taken care of my heart, because I don't want any other woman to be the same as Mami. Ever since I found out what happened to Mami, I've been determined that when I fell in love, I would only love my wife for the rest of my life."

This time Mutia could not help but sob.

"There were enough women trying to get my attention to get me close to them, but I was always indifferent. Because what? Because I don't want women from my past to be the cause of my wife's grief, as happened to Mami."

"In the years, Mutia, I have prepared myself as best I can for my wife. Because what? Again, because I don't want my wife to have the same injuries as Mami. Because I don't want to be a bastard like Papi, who left his pregnant wife for his first love!"

Walking quickly towards Mutia, Yudha grabbed both of the woman's shoulders, making Mutia grimace and lift her face, looking at Yudha with reddened eyes and a wet face drenched in tears.

"But why am I in Mami's position now? If Papi alone can leave Mami for his first love that Papi did not succeed, let alone you who have a greater possibility to return to Haikal considering you were together. Then what about me, Mutia?!" rough Yudha shook Mutia's shoulders. "Tell me, do you still love Haikal?"

Mutia remained silent, but her eyes were fixed on Yudha.

Staying away from Mutia, Yudha ruffled her hair and shouted in frustration. Then he looked at Mutia with tired highlight before saying. "It looks like I have to rethink about our marriage, Mutia."

Without waiting for Mutia's response, Yudha flipped her body, stepping away with a claustrophobic chest filled with anger and disappointment.

"I love her."

Mutia's raspy speech managed to stop Yudha's steps, but was not able enough to make the man turn to look at her.

"But that was before. And now, I love you so much, Mom. I don't want to lose you. If you want our marriage to be postponed or annulled though, that's fine. Just, please don't leave me and Joseph. We're gonna start over and this time I promise, there's no more lies."

"Physical injuries can be easily treated, Mutia, but not with a disappointed heart." after saying that Yudha actually stepped away.

God, is there really no happiness for me?