To Mutia

About Yudha

Not many know, that behind the harmony of the Baldemar family that people see now, there was once a betrayal committed by Apsel Baldemar. Years ago, the German man heartlessly abandoned his six-month-old wife and three-year-old son for the first love he became obsessed with.

At the time Apsel was happy because he had married a woman who became his first love and had a marriage like a couple who were in love, drunk, Sekar was struggling to support his first child and raised a lot of money to pay for the delivery of his second child. All the work the woman did, from being a laundry washer-scrub, to being a hired biduan.

Sekar was never embarrassed or concerned with people's assumption that she was a comfort woman, because of her work singing on a cheap stage. Although despised and one eye, Sekar still maintains his job. Because of the singing, he earned enough money for his living expenses and children, as well as the Sultan's school fees.

And despite being betrayed, Sekar still speaks well of her husband. Covering up Apsel's badness by making up lies to her children that her husband is working in a distant place. But when the lie was revealed, Sultan and Yudha were so angry that they hated the father's cruel deeds.

"For the innocent little Yudha, her life was perfect, having a mother who loved her so much and a sister who loved her so much, making little Yudha never feel deprived. Whatever he wants, gradually will be his brother will grant, no matter though the brother must be a parking attendant after school. Never complaining despite her teenage years spent helping her make money, unlike other kids who spend their time playing."

The grip on his hand made Yudha look over. He smiled at Mutia, while returning the woman's grasp.

"Year after year passed, we were used to living only three. Until one afternoon Papi returned. Papi said he was sorry for leaving us, but we did not believe him. Especially after we found out that the woman who became his first love died of cancer, without giving him a child. Me and Mas Sultan did not want to be a backup, therefore we strongly refused his arrival."

Every time Apsel came, every time the Sultan and Yudha kicked him out. Until one day they found Sekar unconscious in his room. They took Sekar to the hospital and doctors diagnosed Sekar with dengue fever. The mother should get intensive care before it is too late. At that time the Sultan and Yudha had no other choice, they would not be able to earn much money in a short time. The Sultan was finally forced to tear down the ego and ask for help to Apsel.

"After the incident, Papi asked us to stay with him. I thought Mas Sultan would reject Papi as usual, but apparently not, Mas Sultan actually agreed we stay with Papi. I thought things had improved. Seeing Mami always happy with Papi, makes me happy too. I no longer regret the decision of Mas Sultan who agreed to stay with Papi if Mami's happiness was in return. But it turns out I was wrong, Mas Sultan did not fully accept Papi. My brother changed, he showed his anger and hatred by means of rebelling and wailing."

Yudha recounted all the mischief that the elder brother had done to infuriate Apsel and leave their lives, even though the result was nil.

Mutia who heard Yudha's story, covered her gaping mouth in shock, while Yudha just looked at her with a small chuckle. Mutia's reaction was the same as Arumi had shown a few years ago.

It would be hard to believe that the Sultan, who now seems so familiar with his father, was involved in a cold war.

"The deflection of Mas Sultan attracted all the attention of Mami and Papi. They were busy thinking of ways to heal the wounds as well as to take the heart of Mas Sultan, making them forget, that their son was not only Mas Sultan. There was a Yudha who was also injured." sighing softly, Yudha looked ahead with a glaring look.

"Different from Mas Sultan who issued his anger by carrying out the rebellion, I actually harbored all the anger until this moment. So it feels, here..." Yudha touched the chest. "So crowded. Makes me sometimes have trouble breathing."

"I tried to understand, trying to understand the situation at that time and trying to accept it with a free heart. After all, Mas Sultan is my brother and he has suffered a lot. At first I thought it would be fine if he got more attention. But... Every human being must have a limit of patience right, Mutia?"

There was no answer from Mutia, for she knew that Yudha did not need an answer from her.

That day, Yudha asked Apsel to come to her school to take the results of the announcement of her junior high school graduation, because on that day the mother was in an unhealthy state and had to be hospitalized. Appel had promised to come, but until the afternoon Yudha waited, the father did not come and it made the principal hold his graduation letter until his parents came.

"When there were no more people at school, I decided to go home. That afternoon I chose to walk to reduce the anger and disappointment in my heart, so that when I came home I did not get out of control and make Mami sad. The decision I finally regret."

Yudha closed her eyes tightly. The man's breath was heard hunting, with his grip on Mutia growing stronger.

Mutia knew that what Yudha was going to say next must have been very heavy and painful, so Mutia tried to hold back, being patient not to urge Yudha.

"When passing through the dark hallway," still with his eyes closed, Yudha moved her head agitated and occasionally heard the sound of teeth grinding. Yudha seemed to return to the events of a few years ago.

"Someone pulled me to the end of the hallway. There's an unused warehouse with dim lighting. I panicked and thrashed with all my might to escape, but my thin little body made my efforts go to waste."

Opening his eyes, Yudha's gaze looked cold and vengeful. "Excused at my roar and yell, the old man with the alcohol-scented mouth finally hit me on the head with his bottle of water."

Mutia gasped, reflexively closing her mouth. Mutia's response made Yudha chuckle with a blank look.

"That's not the horrible part, Mutia. The terrible part is when the man..." Yudha tightened her jaw with a hunting breath. "When that bastard took my pants off. And you must have guessed what that unscrupulous man did next."

Mutia nodded stiffly.

"You must be disgusted at me right now, don't you, Mutia?" Yudha looked at Mutia while smiling bitterly. "I understand him, if you decide to annul our marriage. Because I was disgusted with myself too." Yudha's hand on the table clenched tightly, to the point of putting out the veins on her arm.

Approaching her body, Mutia grabbed Yudha's arm, then rested her head on the man's shoulder. His hand moved occasionally, wiping Yudha's arm.

"I won't change my decision."

Smiling, Mutia replied. "I involve God in my decision to accept Mas Yudha's proposal. So God willing, I won't change my mind. For I am sure that God will always give His best to His servant."

"Thank you for sticking with me." Yudha stared at Haru. "Still want to hear the continuation of my story?"

"If you don't mind." Mutia pulled away to create distance, but Yudha grabbed her shoulders, hugging her from the side.

"Nobody helped me then, Mutia. That jerk did it until I fainted. Then when I realized, it was night. I tried to get up, ignoring my terrible condition and my head that was still bleeding, I walked back home. And when I got home, you know what I found, Mutia?"

"Both my parents and Mas Sultan were having dinner together, without my presence. They are not worried about me not coming home. Mami and Papi talk lightly, while Mas Yudha is only a listener. From their conversation I also know the reason why Papi did not fulfill his promise to me. Papi... picked up Mas Sultan to Pagaralam after receiving a call from the teacher Mas Sultan, who told him that Mas Sultan slipped and made his legs sprained."

"I got angry and decided to go straight into the room without greeting them. Treating the wound in my head sober and shutting myself up for days. One morning I woke up in the hospital room. Mami said, Mas Sultan and Papi broke into my room, only to find me lying with a pale face and an ice-cold body. When I was taken to the hospital, the doctor said the wound in my head had an infection. I was lucky to be taken to the hospital before it was too late. At that time, I hoped God would take my life away, because I felt there was no point in living. No one cares about me anymore."

Both his parents and the Sultan continued to force Yudha to say what happened, causing Yudha to be severely injured in the head, but Yudha closed her mouth shut. He was too angry, disappointed and embarrassed.

If his father had come that day, he would not have come home in the afternoon, had a bad incident because of a man who had sexual irregularities and suffered severe injuries to his head. Had the day not slipped, Yudha would have experienced nothing bad that made her feel disgusted at herself.

Yudha longed to hate the Sultan who had taken all the attention of their parents, but Yudha loved her brother too much. He is not a brother does not know himself, who just forgets all the good that his brother did. Unable to hate the Sultan, Yudha fostered his anger, disappointment and hatred for the father who could not be fair to his two children.

"Until this second, no one knows the cause of the wound in my head, Mutia." turned to his future wife, Yudha stared fixedly. "You're all I'm telling you, 'cause I trust you."

Mutia smiled. Both of his hands cupped Yudha's face, giving a gentle swipe. "Thank you for believing in me."

Grabbing Mutia one hand, Yudha clasped it tightly. "It was Papi's work on us, which made me always fortify myself. I always keep my distance from every woman, because I don't want to be like Papi. I want, when I fall in love, that woman is my wife. Because I don't want to repeat what Papi did, to make my wife hurt and suffer like Mami did. I don't want my children to be the subject of ridicule and have to try hard to find money, like me and Mas Sultan."

The corner of Yudha's lips was attracted when she recalled Mutia's words at their second meeting. "As you say, if we have ever felt pain and hurt, we will be a person who is always careful in doing everything. Because we don't want to give or feel the same pain anymore."

Yudha's gaze was so warm and gentle looking at Mutia. "I don't care when people talk about my sexual orientation, because of my rejection of every woman, because they've never been in my position and experienced what I've experienced. Until RT's arrival that night. When I saw you crying, it was like seeing Mami in the past and suddenly there was a strong urge to protect you both."

Grasping Mutia's hands together, Yudha looked at the woman with confidence and determination. "For now, the reason I married you is because of Joseph and because you remind me of Mami, but I promise I will try hard to love you, Mutia. And only you."

The second reason Yudha, made Mutia again remembered Azril. The man also made his mother an excuse to attract Mutia's attention. The difference is, if Azril made up a lie to get it, Yudha actually said honesty after being with him. Doesn't that mean, Yudha doesn't want any secrets between them? Then, what about her? He kept so many secrets.

"Is it until now that Mas Yudha is still angry at Papi? Can't forgive Papi yet?"

"As the years passed, my feelings of anger and disappointment slowly began to cloud, Mutia. It is true that time can heal wounds. I've begun to forgive the past, but to act like a son and Dad to Papi, it's so hard. Whenever I was near Papi, I could not help but speak sharp, hurtful words."

"It's okay, Mom. Everyone needs protest. Let time fix everything."

The touch on his shoulder made Mutia who was sitting on the terrace seat while remembering the conversation and Yudha a few days ago, gasped in shock and immediately looked at the owner of the hand.

"There's an incoming message on your phone." Yudha handed over Mutia's flat object. The woman left the room without her cell phone, as Yudha insisted on putting Joseph in her clothes and putting the four-month-old baby to sleep.

Mutia took over her phone and opened the incoming message from an unknown number.

I want to talk to you, Mutia. Meet me or I'll ask your fiance for help to persuade you to talk to me?

Mutia clearly caught a threat from the sentence in the short message and she knew very well who the sender was.

"From who? Why would he send you such a message?"

Yudha's words made Mutia turn to the man, only to find her future husband bowing next to her with a directed look on his cell phone screen.

O Allah, why did I forget that there was Mas Yudha? Is this a sign that I should tell about Brother Ghifar to Mas Yudha?