Sendu Sweetener

PS 50 - Unable to Think

The day went on, several times the officer came to me and told me that there was a visit for me, but I did not want to see anyone who came.

Bang Haidar has reneged on his promise so I am committed to not meeting anyone. Even though I never wanted to meet my family, I still prayed for them, always. I hope my family is given health, blessings, and happiness.

I also looked for days. There's a lot I want to know about what's happening to my family right now. But what is power. I have decided not to have any more contact with my family. Let my mom be happy out there.

"1002! Here, lu!" Excited Mother Farah.

I got up and went straight to Farah's mother. Farah's mother patted her shoulder for a massage. I also did what he told me to do.

"Gua dapet info said you don't want to be freed." Mother Farah said.

"It's not time to be free yet, ma'am." My answer.

"Gede is also your guts huh. Isn't being free good?" Ask Farah's mother.

"Free but locked in guilt for not being able to take responsibility is bad, Mom." I said.

"Emang you feel guilty for killing that evil bude lu?" Ask Farah's mother.

Hard question, I'm quiet. Not answering. After all, I was trying to regret what I did, slowly. Although honest for now the feeling of guilt has not appeared.

"Detainee 678, there's a visit!" A guard came.

Farah's mother the owner of the number just left. I also sat on the sidelines. There have been many other prisoners who do activities in the form of. However, there was one prisoner who made me rise from my seat.

There, there is a prisoner who is a mother who is being kicked by two other prisoners. Those mothers are old enough. I feel so sorry.

"Hey! Stop that!" Excruciate. Like a hero of misfortune.

"Who are you?" Ask a prisoner.

"He's under arrest for killing his own bud, boss." The other prisoner said.

"Oh, want to be your hotshot?" Ask the prisoner called 'Boss'.

I'm not surprised to see a prisoner who knows that I'm a prisoner who was arrested for murder. Everyone here has almost memorized the reason we are all in custody.

I kept helping those mothers who were now crying sobbing, like in pain. I really can't bear it.

I helped him get up and get away from them. Suddenly, my hair was pulled from behind.

"Ouch!" I said, unwilling to let go of my hand to the mothers, "Mother, go away only the distant Mother! Don't mind me!" I said.

And what happened next was that I was the bulian material of the two of them. I certainly want to fight but why am I just silent this time. Let them beat me to satisfaction. When I went to jail, I didn't recognize myself. I became a very resigned person.

"Anj! He's a cave boy!" Exclaim someone who directly hit the second by using a beam of people who are beating me.

I turned to the source of the voice, it turned out to be Farah's mother. Doesn't he seem to dislike me? Why did he stop the activities of the other prisoners who beat me?

"Boss, mending we run Boss!" Said one of the prisoners who beat me with fear. Then they both just left.

Farah's mother directly threw a beam near me. "Basic tolotol!" He said as he shook my head, "Hit and smashed. Want to die you?!" Excited Mother Farah.

"That's better, ma'am." I said with a wry smile.

"Si Ulfa's niece is a fool!" Said Farah's mother who pulled me back from behind. I can only sigh. I just wanted to praise him well.

My face must have been battered.

There will soon be religious activities. We are grouped according to our respective religions.

I just found out that there's been this kind of activity in prison ever since I went to jail. Perhaps this activity is intended for prisoners to repent and remember God.

I was about to return to the cell to change clothes, but a warden came up to me, "Where are you going?!" The tone is so fierce.

"You take a shirt, ma'am." I said. "My clothes are dirty." I said.

"You must want to skip the show, get back to the show!" The Warden.

I also want to not turn around immediately. Some prisoners who saw me were scolded immediately laughed, maybe for them this is a very funny thing, but there is no funny at all.

I sat at the very back, behind the door listening to an Ustad or Kyai in the Hall speaking.

"Why are you behind the door?!" Ask a guard.

"Full, Mom. Can't get in. My clothes are dirty too." I said pointing at my own clothes.

It is true, the hall is indeed narrow, at the door only many are sitting. I prefer to sit behind the door.

Sometimes I grimace because it looks like the tip of my lips is torn because of the pain. I also can't afford to listen to lectures because it's a noisy situation, many are chatting, many are laughing, listening to lectures, and so on.

I need a tissue.

Suddenly, someone thrust a tissue at me. I also smiled as if it was easy to say my prayer, "Love." My answer.

"Together." Said.

Deg.

I froze in place. That voice is the voice I know. Ghifari Voice. I looked up and sure enough, there Ghifari was standing next to me. "Elo?" I don't believe it.

"Yes, it's me." He said, instead of sitting down, he approached the warden and said something until the warden left. Then Ghifari came back to me and sat down beside me.

"What's going on here? How can?" I asked the confused half to death.

"Well, you see who's talking?" Ask Ghifari.

I shook my head, I did not see because it was invisible, "Grandfather Labib. Papa Faiz's father. I mean Om Faiz." Ghifari.

Ghifari doesn't seem to feel good anymore calling my father Papa. I turned towards him, he turned his eyes the other way.

I know, if my grandfather has a Pesantren Cottage, but I just knew that my grandfather could be that great. He can even speak here. And look at how the prisoners would interact with my grandfather. I looked back, the situation was already starting to conducive. Grandpa's really great. But, can I still call him 'grandfather'?

Ghifari woke up and immediately pulled me away from the Hall. I can't scream, I can just follow it. What is he really doing?

I turned towards her hand which pulled my hand gently. Why is my heart beating so fast. All the pain of 'escaping the old mothers' is gone. He is magical. What makes it so.

He took me to a lonely place. There were only the two of us there. We also sat under a big tree. He took something out of his pocket. Wipes, cotton, and red medicine.

"Gue medatin yes. Sorry..." He said while cleaning my face.

"Gue can be alone." I said.

However, Ghifari shook his head, he treated the wounds on my face. Our very close distance made me have to hold on so as not to look at his face, I kept turning my gaze in the other direction. He keeps treating me.

Deg-deg-deg-deg-op. My heart was beating so hard that I was afraid that he could hear it.

Duh, how to normalize this heartbeat?

"I'm ashamed to be in front of you." Ghifari.

Why shame? I looked at him, then hurriedly looked the other way while chortling, "Why embarrassed?"