Sendu Sweetener

PS 31 - Fake Smile

After I finished reading the letter, my feelings were mixed. I can't explain in detail what I feel. I think I want to scream. That letter. The letter was actually Om Aaron's letter sent to my mother.

In it is called Gus Faiz. I believe he is my father that Bi Shanti once told me.

Why was the letter to Ghifari? My head was really dizzy and wanted to break it.

But what do I have to do next? What should I do with this horrible fact? 

I immediately put the fold of the letter into the dashboard of the car again after accidentally my eyes caught the shadow of Ghifari who had come out of the bakery.

I don't want him to know that I've gotten to even read the letter. I have to get ready. Prepare for something I never wanted to prepare for.

Shortly thereafter, Ghifari got into the car.

My body froze. In fact, I've been trying to get ready to face Ghifari. I don't know what to do. I wanted to get angry and say everything I thought to Ghifari but on the other hand I felt I shouldn't say it because it's not the time.

I began to think that Ghifari's coming into my life had a purpose. And I don't know what the meaning of his arrival is yet.

If it is true that he came with a certain purpose, let me know what he was planning, yet I have often felt pain, if he breaks all my expectations I think I can still overcome it.

However, the other side of me said another possibility. Ghifari could have just wanted to help me secretly.

My head wants to break at this moment. I even had to massage my own temple.

"Yes long?" tanyanya while chuckling.

I took a breath, tried to calm myself down, what else could I do besides this? I tried to smile at him. Although my head was filled with questions, 'Is his smile also a fake?'.

He looked at me, I turned my eyes the other way.

"Are you waiting for me?" ask Ghifari.

"Yes." I answered accordingly.

Ghifari could only chuckle at what I said. This time I don't want to be dizzy. So I chose to be quiet.

"We're leaving, right?" said.

Without waiting for a response from me, Ghifari immediately drove his car out of the parking lot and headed straight for his house.

My heart feels so sick. I could only look to the left staring at the road we were on. Empty, empty, dna scared. This is not the form of taste that I dislike the most but I feel it.

Did Ghifari deliberately bring me into his family? Is Ghifari's reason for wanting to find my family? Does he know her?

Let it be, I just pray that everything is just a coincidence and there is no element of intentionality whatsoever. Is my hope not too high?

Why does he have a piece of the letter?

"Ra?" call Ghifari.

I looked at him.

"Kok lo diem? Is there something you think?" ask Ghifari.

I'm rattled. I was really confused by everything and with this situation.

"Ghif, have we met before?" my many.

This is all I can ask him. I didn't expect him to be honest and I felt justifiable if he wanted to answer it with a lie.

"meaning?" asked Ghifari who seemed to not understand what I was asking.

"Yes, have we met before? I mean before the bridge that time." I said trying to explain.

"Oh, not yet. Never been. That's the first time we've met, Ra. Why emang?" ask Ghifari.

"Neither" I said.

"The girl's father must be nothing." replied Ghifari.

I can only shrug my shoulders because I am lazy to win over Ghifari. What do I have to cope with anyway? In honestly? Sure is impossible. By evasive? Of course I don't want to add to the sins. My sins are many.

"Ra.. why?" ask Ghifari.

Ghifari doesn't seem to be letting me off. He seems very curious. I had to prepare a reasonable enough answer to stop him from continuing to call my name. 

Honestly just by calling my name, something in there is so crowded. And warm feelings began to spread, but I could not believe so deeply in him. I have to be vigilant because humans like Ghifari don't seem easy to guess.

"Yes that's funny. Like a setting." I said half-truthfully.

Ghifari was silent for a moment as his countenance became serious, "Settingan how do you mean?" ask Ghifari.

I have to stop a situation like this. I turned my brain back.

"Yes settings. Never seen a Korean drama? That's you, Ghif. There are many who suddenly marry a contract like a Full House. The difference is we meet directly as a prospective wife pretending. Can you like soap operas with Korean dramas really not really?" I said while laughing. Of course with the acting I feel is perfect.

Ghifari can read my face. I just need to pretend to be the usual Ara.

"Ck, most of you watch Drakor lo" he said while sneering at me.

"Let's rather than your kayak." I said trying to be normal. Normally.

"What am I doing?" he asked while looking at me.

I looked at him from the side. It was as if he was waiting for me to talk. I smiled at her side.

"Nolep. His life disrupted my life." I said from the heart.

"That's like a necessity anyway. So, can't get away" he said. Mercifully. Ghifari thinks I'm kidding. Although it feels like something is not accepted in there.

I positioned my body forward and then took a quick glance at it.

"It's kind of a toy that's my life come to think of it?" I asked while laughing.

Ghifari is silent and does not want to fight. Not because he did not want to or because he had to concentrate on driving because we were on a small road where from the front there was a car driving towards us, so Ghifari had to concentrate extra on finding a wide place so that the car could pass and not cause friction both in his car and in the car in front of us.