Longsuffering

Maaf

Pin your tracks in your veins

then you reach for the happy mound

without me, can you?

-Wita

Bandung, Vishnu-Wita

Wita Pov's

“Mother go home first yes Wit, you are okay left alone”, mother asked me. Mother's face today looks happy, after this morning meeting with her neighbor named Bu Dedeh who is none other than the mother of Satria friends during my high school. Our meeting in our room was rushed. But for me it's okay, because mother's happiness will be my happiness too. While my business that never ends let walk flow until it comes downstream of my life.

“Did not pa ma'am, Wita has improved ko”, I replied. Yes, I have been declared improved because if my lab results tomorrow show significant changes I have been allowed to continue treatment at home. Mother then disappeared from my room, carrying a bag containing the laundry of my dirty clothes that I wore yesterday in this hospital. Just blanket mom replace with a new one when tomorrow I planned to go home.

I then moved to sit on the patient's bed and leaned my body because of aches all day sleeping on my back. I tried to close my eyelids to rest myself in my sitting condition. I heard a voice I recognized, tugging at my ear. In the depths of my eyes, I shook my head; even in my dreams I missed Adhis. My guilt for lying to her has always been overshadowing me ever since I was admitted to this Hospital.

A few moments later I suddenly felt a movement in my bed. As soon as I felt a kiss on my forehead, I opened my eyes and was a little surprised. “Eh.. Adhis?”, I looked at his face that I missed all this time.

“Sorry to see Mother Wita”, I heard a female voice on the right side of my bed.

“mamah Adhis.., sorry so troublesome”, I replied.

“No, it is precisely we who are sorry to know that Mother Wita is sick. It was also from Vishnu this morning he went to the Gemintang Dewun school, got news of Mother Wita from Rani” tea.

My Lord?, I was surprised to hear it. My surprise was perfect when I saw her figure standing smiling to the right of my bed.

“Mother Wita.., where is the prize?”, Adhis request solved my tension. I have to set my breath tempo. I can't handle it at the wrong time. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then looked at Adhis who was still in my lap and smiled and replied, “There is a dooong, special for Adhis”.

I open the end of my hood and then I take off the necklace I am wearing, a gold necklace with a doll carrying the symbol of the letter W with white eyes. I put the beautiful necklace on the little neck of the Adhis, it looks still too long but still beautiful to look at. Of course, this necklace with doll and letter W is a necklace of beautiful memories that Vishnu gave me. By-by from Aceh which at that time Vishnu gave to me. It's time I returned those memories, I'll stop with a new story.

“Waah very good nih”, mamah Adhis helped chimed in the carefree reaction that Adhis showed. From the end of my eyes, I saw Vishnu stiffening. He didn't make any sound. I could not voice my whole heart, but giving up the necklace of his gift may convince my heart that Vishnu will have a better life until I say in silence.

Talk, yes talk only, anyway from earlier brother and son talk to me a lot. Why talk to ask permission? But finally I understand the meaning of ‘bicara’ which he said because mamah Adhis then say goodbye to bring Adhis out on the grounds there is something he should buy at the minimarket of this Hospital.

I scanned the movements of Vishnu who kept walking towards me. Wait a minute, I need to get my breath back. I held my hand against the blanket I wrapped up at the end of my thigh. He then sat on the side seat of my bed. Looked at me and smiled. Please Lord Vishnu, do not give me that smile again. Because I don't deserve it.

“Adhis yesterday raging-ngamuk”, mas Vishnu started his speech.

“my shirt I just to tear you”, he continued again. I was amazed by the rhythm and tone of Vishnu's speech. What's the matter Vishnu?, are you okay?

“He misses you very much Wita”, he pauses. “same as me..”, he continued again.

I couldn't hold back the tears coming out of my eyes. My eyes glazed over, I resisted so that the tears would not come out and reveal my weakness to Vishnu.

“you're okay Wita?, I.. I was almost crazy for 7 years without you”.

My tears broke unbearably, I poked my face. To endure all the pain and pain I experienced through the longing cry of today. To all the sadness I hold. Borrowing a lot of courage in the face of pain.

“sorry..sorry”, with words I've always wanted to say to her. I shed a tear on my cheek, I took a long breath. Then I forced myself to look at the figure that I had been missing all this time. He smiled at me, his face was sad and his eyes were teary. His sturdy body, now in front of me with the same aroma as 7 years ago.

“I want you to tell me a fairy tale Wita. A fairy tale that has a beautiful and strong female character named Wita. Please tell me Wita, what adventure have you been going through all this time!” His love in the eyes that never come to me.

I smile and manage my breath. “I don't have any fairy tale to tell you”, I said. “I am not a kindergarten teacher who is good at storytelling”, I answered making his laughter heard in this room.

“then, just listen to me. I have a lot of stories I'm going to tell. You have a lot of time in your life to listen to my story”, replied mas Vishnu. A request I miss so much. A request 7 years ago that gave me a breath of happiness. A request that makes me convince myself that my love is not as fragile as an old thread that looks like a tangled and worn cloth.

Then I realized that the time span had scratched up many stories about a journey and the decisions I had taken. Re-dealing the wound in the same place, until I knew that I could no longer make a wound in the heart of a soul.

“sorry, I can't” I replied lowered my head.

Vishnu stiffened and looked at me expectantly.

“I have to keep my promise to someone”, I replied while showing a gold ring embedded in my ring finger.