Longsuffering

Did the Trauma End?

I thought my old book had been scorched

in the grasp of time

So... what today?

-Wita

Jakarta, Wita-Wishnu-Wulan-Aphis

Wita PoVs

What exactly am I feeling today? My mind is completely fucked. The woman who claimed to be Restari's older sister for the second time visited my house. Carrying two large bags of toys for Adhis on the first day. While the interval of three days he came with two large cakes. The cake that he claims to be ‘ Adhis’ favorite food, he said.

Mas Vishnu had said that the woman named Wulan had wanted Adhis, to be a child under his care. But 4 more years have passed why only today I see his figure. Ah. yes, I forgot. Maybe I did not really recognize every inch of Vishnu's life in the past.

I let out a long sigh as firmly Mba Wulan questioned my status in this house. The actual house has nothing to do with Mba Restari. The house that has been my home since the beginning, today and later.

“You, really married to Vishnu?”, the same question he asked three days ago. What exactly does this woman mean? Is she suspecting me of being a woman who hangs out with a man with no status? Or is he worried about me if I fall into a free life like the one he lived in? I can't predict exactly the way the woman I thought was four years older than me.

“Alhamdulillah Mba, we are married. Vishnu said kabul in front of me. Twenty-seven people who were present at that time might be able to bear witness to our marriage in the hospital room room, if Mba Wulan doubts it”, I replied.

The living room where I welcomed Mba Wulan was instantly silent with her suddenly stiff body reaction. His face flushed red and his breath seemed to be hidden in a hunting rhythm. I don't know what he's hunting? Maybe I'm the target of the hunter's flash. Do I look like a victim in his vision?

“We got married without any preparation. We want to hurry up the good thing”.

“I mean! I want to hasten our marriage”, the voice of Mas Vishnu is heard from the door, then holding Adhis and kissing me after I shake the back of his hand solemnly.

“Have long time here Wulan?” tanyanya. “Do we invite him to eat together here?, what do you cook dear?” ask Vishnu to me. I smiled and answered that simple question to me.

“Rendang and vegetable salad mas”, I replied as is. “Mas Vishnu want to eat now indeed?”, just ask me to investigate.

“I'm not really hungry, but that's okay. Mumpung there guam”, he replied while staring at Mba Wulan.

Mba Wulan stared back at me, Vishnu and Adhis. It's like detecting something that I don't know what it is. “No need Wis, I don't eat at this hour. I. all pamit. Today I returned to Swiss”, he replied firmly and smiled at me.

“I'm waiting for you to come see us! I'm the same papih means”. A statement that seemed to be on me, because his hand was now stretched out towards me and immediately grasped it tightly. Handshake, farewell!

****

“Kyou kok from earlier diemin I keep anyway?”, mas Wisnu wagging the arm of my left hand. Since we decided to sleep, I lay on the same bed as Vishnu and then!

“You angry?” tanyanya's worried tonight. “What.. I am wrong?” revealed again.

I took a deep breath and closed both my eyelids. Adhis shouldn't sleep tonight, so I can find an excuse to accompany Adhis to sleep in the next room.

“I don't like ih dicuekin gini”, suluk mas Vishnu to me.

I can't stand it anymore, the fragrant body of Vishnu so tempting in my nose. Even her palm that had earlier caressed the edge of my face that was tucked in my long hair was so tempting for me to breathe in such a way. It feels good if the palm is cupped to my nose every time I go to sleep lately.

I turned my body around and hugged her and shed all my irritations today with a cry I could not endure. Oh Allah.. Why can I be this sweet?.

“eh.. uh. kok nangis?”, mas Vishnu seemed surprised to see my sudden reaction. He hugged me and rubbed my back gently. “I make you sad? Heu?”, he asked again. “Adhis makes you tired all day?” he scolded me with questions that had nothing to do with my frustration today.

“Wita.. nausea equals dizzy mas”, I complained in his arms.

“No.. You are healthy! You're not dizzy as nauseous! You are great!”, as always mas Vishnu suggested me with sweet sentences to fight all my traumas in the past.

“Lain times...”, my word stamped.

“….”

I paused for a moment and adjusted my breath that began to be stinged by crying. Moreover, the symptoms of nausea and dizziness in my head now come back to attack me. I don't know why lately I often feel the old thing I want to leave behind. Ever since I married Vishnu, my trauma symptoms gradually disappeared. Evidently, when Vishnu took my hand while stepping foot to the tomb bearing the name of my biological father last month. My body did not show the traumatic reaction I had been afraid of. But tonight, the nausea and dizziness I felt seemed to shake off the belief that I had recovered from my trauma in the past.

“Other times if it turns out there are women who like the same mas Vishnu said the same Wita”, I said suddenly.

“I mean?”, the question does not understand.

“Means.. Take Mba Wulan. Kok mas Vishnu never told me anyway that Mba Wulan like the same mas Wisnu” said I was still in the warm embrace of my husband.

“…”

“Ahahahahahah.. why it feels soaring yes envied you. I'm not into Ge-Eran, am I?” instead of explaining, Vishnu hugged me tightly with an absurd answer. “For what to explain something that is not my world. My world is only you, you are the most important. Don't think of the strange ah yes?!, which there later I like abandoned children dicuekin continue with kamu”.

I hugged her tightly and breathed in her scents tonight. Tonight, let me be greedy to ask God for time to shake my affection for my husband with self-confidence and love.

***

The warmth of last night did not make my nausea and infidelity disappear. Even this morning Vishnu warned me to rest. Adhis desire to play in the city park this Saturday was canceled unilaterally by the Lord Vishnu.

“Adhis see mom again sick right?, the streets tomorrow the same father yes?!” The persuasion of Vishnu is easily asserted by Adhis. If my perilhal, Adhis always obeyed what Vishnu said.

“Your face looks very pale, remember you have to rest! If you need anything, ask for help from Emak Yati! If you still nauseous as dizzy immediately contact me! We call Lanis immediately”, she asked me worriedly as I drove her all the way to the front door.

“Adhis too, just so mommy rest today ya!” his word to our little daughter was answered with a small nod from Adhis.

All day I fill my time with rubbing, mager is not careless. Sleep, eat, pray, sleep again, watch and end up sitting on the sofa of the family room while accompanying Adhis playing lego. My mind is calm and clear. Mba Wulan no longer affected my mind. Or the shadow of the past does not bother me at all, but somehow my nausea and anxiety have not subsided. So much so that my traumatic illness always perched in my soul. I really have to sue myself and do something fun today.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea came to my mind. I can't be the one who's been fucked all day. And also, my routine on Saturday with Adhis does not have to fall, right? Because I am fighting my trauma, Adhis does not need to feel the same sadness.

“Adhis.. want to mess with mom?” ask my beloved daughter.

“Where's mother? Father said we can't go to taman”.

“Joged? Want?”

“Asiiik.. want.. want.” Adhis answered cheerfully to my offer.

“cak dum-dum.. cak dum dum”, his door while prancing his body happy sign.

“Let’s go..” take me with you while leading her towards my room.

I changed my clothes with dropped suit pants and a home short t-shirt. Kuplay Hindustani rhythmic music that I often play with Adhis at the Gemintang Dewun school first. Dancing became one of my hobbies with the children of Dewun Gemintang Kindergarten, including Adhis. Not in my clothes at the moment. I am now in my own home, with my son. I closed the door and we danced with agility with a beat and rhythm in a stomping song. Our feet and hands move beautifully.

Adhis seemed to be laughing happily at what we were doing. But my face suddenly stiffened as I saw the sturdy body of the man who had held me tightly standing right at the door's lips. Gender the edges of his body while crossing and reviewing their smile.

I stared at him, while Adhis kept moving with his agility. I don't know, suddenly my stomach was nauseous and wanted to spit something out. I immediately ran to my toilet and vomited out my entire stomach. Many times and felt pushed without I can prevent from heartburn.

I felt a soft elusan on my nape and back. “Yes Allah. You if you are sick again why jogged-joged that??, instead of rest”. Vishnu was worried.

“I slept all day, I'm all for. Even more excited. So look for activities to be tired, like Adhis”, I straighten my body and turn myself who had been behind him. Looking at my husband's face with longing. Why lately it feels like my misses continue to feel many times huh? Is it true that 7 years has made my longing endless? Without a second thought I immediately hugged her body that was so fragrant in my nose. I felt her hands gently caressing my head and rubbing my back.

“Besok..we consult to Lanis yes?! You are everything to me. I won't let you bear it alone. I will always be next to you”.

“Come release your load Wita, My dear.”.

I held him tightly and a kiss sprinkled on the end of my hair. There was a deep sense of guilt from the corner of his heart, I felt it without being able to contain and prevent it. A deep love for me, from my man, my Wisnuku!

####

Leave a trace, friends! Vote, like, comment, gift and share to various relationships kaliaaan..😘😘😘😘😘.