Heart Note

PART TWENTY FIVE

Sunday, the state of the house is quiet, Mas Leo sits alone on the back porch, I spend more time in Rio's room, miss that's the reason I'm in Rio's room.

After the request split that time, there was no more conversation between the two of us. Leo seemed to avoid talking about it, we only spoke if it was urgent.

I hugged Rio's photo tightly, my tears coming along. Whether Rio will accept my decision, I fear it will hurt him.

"Let's" Mas Leo sat beside me on the edge of Rio's bed.

I just looked around without answering.

"I've thought about it" said Mas Leo.

"But before that, there's something I want to ask you" said Mas Leo.

"What?" ask me and put the photo of Rio in its original place.

"Has your decision been unanimous?" ask Leo.

"Yes, maybe this is what's best for us" I replied.

"Maybe? We?" abugn.

"Why?" my many.

"Say maybe, aren't you sure?" tanyakanya.

"And Us? Do you know what's best for me?" continued.

I took a deep breath.

"Our six years with Mas, and getting divorced wasn't what I wanted to happen, but after everything that happened, I tried to stay, I try and keep trying to get the wholeness of our household back to what it used to be, but the more I try the more pain I feel, I think separation is best for us, you are not tormented by my cold attitude towards you, and I am not tormented by this predicament, healing this heart is very difficult Mas, it is not that easy, really, really, the more days I get tormented in the shackles of this pain" I explained at length.

"But it's best for me if we stick together like Yu used to" he said lowered his head.

"No Mas, it will be difficult for me, I also want to be happy Mas" said I.

"I'll make you happy Ayu"

"But I don't know until when I'll keep this up if we're always together, the shadow of that betrayal will always be there" I explained.

"If we stay together, how are you and your mother, it's not easy for me to forgive Mom" I said.

"You can go back with Mom, your mother is still your mother who gave birth to you" I said with a cry.

"Once I am, I also hope to feel happy again Mas" I said again.

"Rio?" tanyakanya.

I was silent for a moment.

"We'll explain it Mas, I'm sure Rio will definitely accept it Mas, Rio remains our child, whatever happens, together we will explain it Mas" I'm getting sobbed considering Rio.

Leo hugged me. And wipe away my tears.

"Yes, I really want you to be happy Ayu"

"I'll accept it with a big heart if it's not with me where you're happy, I'll accept, maybe it's a reply I should accept because it's all my fault, I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry, I was so selfish about maintaining the household while you were hurt by it, I'm sorry Ayu, I was so scared of losing you Ayu, and losing Rio, I was so selfish, I accepted everything, I'm ready to part with you Ayu, to make you happy" Mas Leo and I sobbed in tears, hugging each other and giving each other strength.

I let go of Mas Leo's embrace. I held tightly to the heavy hand that had always protected me.

"Yes Mas, our soul mate turned out to be just the same here" I said.

"Maybe this is hard for us at first, but may we find each of us happiness out there, and we stay together as Rio's parents, working together in raising and educating Rio" I kissed that burly hand.

"Do you still love me Ayu?" Mas Leo held my hand that wanted to take off my grip.

"No, my" answered briefly.

"Today from your eyes I can see it Ayu" he said.

"That look that was missing the last few months, I'm sure you don't love me anymore, but today I saw that look Ayu, that look of your love for me" she said.

"I love you Mas, but not with love, this is not love Mas, but what you see is because I have forgiven you so much, all this time I have not been able to accept everything I have not been able to forgive you, but now I have accepted and forgiven you sincerely and with all my heart" I said and wiped my tears.

"Yes maybe you're right" Mas Leo also wiped away her tears. And rising from his seat left me alone.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this is what's best for us" I said slowly.

It has been two days Mas Leo did not come home, news I got from Imran, Mas Leo now lives in the office. My heart is a little sad, but we have to get used to it.

We have not yet filed a divorce lawsuit with the court, and Mas Leo and I have agreed to talk to Rio and my parents first.

I stay at home more, I go out if I need to buy something, the rest I will stay at home, calm my mind.