Arinda, First Love

Fill the hidden heart

ARINDA POV

10 Years of my life I've been through loving only 1 person. Even when I was in a relationship with someone else, I never really liked them one bit or forgot about them.

Lord, allow me to be greedy for only 1 day. I just want to enjoy this time, this togetherness of ours with a comfortable feeling.

I just want to see it through to the end, until where this feeling will end for her. We have been through a hard time hurting each other all this time, if one day my love will end, then end the love in his heart for me too.

Give us an easy way of happiness for each other. Help us, so that we can let go of each other's painful love to hold on to this, Lord.

People say, the highest point when you truly love is to let go. Because there is no ambition and selfishness when letting go.

Learning to let go of you might not be as easy as saying a word.

Even so, the pain and soreness that I feel I will receive well and airy chest.

**

It's almost 11 p.m., and I'm still in Satria's apartment. Now he had closed his eyes, though still clasping my hand tightly as if afraid I was leaving.

Smooth snoring has begun to sound, and it means that Satria is now really asleep. I could only sit next to him lying down without doing anything.

His hand never let go of his grasp in the slightest and I did not try to let go. Satria's situation is not very good tonight, I decided not to go home and stay at her apartment.

I slowly tried to let go of her strong grasp to get out of bed. But he suddenly woke up even when I hadn't been able to get down.

"Hm, where are you going?" satria asked with restraining her sleepiness.

"I want to take a shower, keep changing clothes too."

"Oh, yes" he said, releasing his grasp.

"Your clothes were in my closet at the time. You look for it on the right." said Satria so gently.

I just nodded then left her to take my clothes in her closet and go to the bathroom. It was almost midnight, but I decided to take a shower.

And when I entered the bathroom, I was so surprised that the toiletries I had used were still neatly stored there. As if Satria knew, if I would come back here one day.

He ordered toiletries and a pair of sandals for me to use while I was in his apartment. Since long ago, Satria was indeed a very considerate person.

He never forgets the slightest thing about what I like or not. And that's what makes me really comfortable with him. Satria has been pampering me for a long time, and now I'm beginning to realize that she never changes.

And maybe he's still the same guy that made me fall in love like I used to. It's just that because things have changed, I make my own choices by constantly avoiding what my heart feels.

I try to avoid and hold back all the feelings that my heart wants right now. Seeing how fate toyed with our lives so easily frightened me.

I no longer want to be high-minded if I end up having to fall for being slapped by a painful reality. Or a fate that never sided with me even once.

I've loved so much that it felt like dying, but fate has kept me feeling pain and pain so many times from the heartbreak that I only experienced 1 time.

I spent almost 1 hour in the bathroom. And when I came out, Satria was already asleep on the long sofa in the corner.

His body was almost completely covered in blankets. His eyes were tightly closed and his face looked so calm. I had never imagined before to be in a position like this.

My body moved without any orders to approach him. I could only sit down and stare at him in silence. My tears began to fall without my being able to stand it.

Slowly my hand was raised to touch one side of her face that was right in front of my eyes.

I want to be free from the shackles of revenge and love that gnawed at my heart. 1 time only, I will show the love that has been hidden in my heart.

I can only look at the face of Satria who is currently asleep and lulled by her dreams. One hand stretched out gently stroked her hair which had been a long time since I last touched it.

Even though he was sick, he still chose to sleep on the sofa out of respect for me. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable when I was next to him.

I gently grabbed her one hand and grasped it tightly. I could still clearly hear her smooth snoring suddenly she changed her sleeping position sideways until I could finally see it right in front of my eyes.

His breath felt so warm on my face. Tonight, I will satisfy every longing that has been held in my heart all this time by looking at her face.

For me tonight is enough, tonight for the first time I shed all the feelings I've always been craving by staying by her side and looking after her.

I will go quietly from his house, just as I will go silently from his life. I don't know what I'm planning after this.

I picked up and tidied up all the things I brought to get out of the room. After that, I made Satria's favorite sandwich first in the kitchen before I actually left.

After I finished making a glass of warm milk and a plate of Sandwich I arranged it on the dining table. I ordered a taxi online to take me home.

On the way home, I finally checked my phone. There were 15 missed calls from Raka. And dozens of messages that he sent since yesterday afternoon.

Because he was too panicked by the state of Satria he even forgot his promise to meet with Raka. Arin immediately called Raka's number without thinking and not up to 30 seconds Raka answered it.

"Hello, Raka."

"Where are you, rin?"

"I'll be in kosan soon."

"Yes I've been waiting in front" he answered, turning off his phone call.

Hearing Raka's voice, I realized that she was worrying so much about me. Not until 5 minutes, I finally reached the courtyard of my boarding house and saw Raka waiting for me there.

"Where are you from Rin?" asked Raka without saying stale.

"Yesterday I picked you up, but you came home but when I got here, no one saw you coming home he said. Your number is also difficult for me to dial from yesterday afternoon. I'm really worried about knowing?" again, I didn't give him a chance to talk.

"Then you got them anyway? "

"I'm confused when I can answer, if you don't stop talking from earlier." I honestly made him instantly speechless.

"Sorry." she replied slowly.

"Yesterday Satria was sick, so I was the same Andi had to take her to the hospital" replied Arin did not want to explain further.

"I'm sorry that it made you worry. And it seems like today I will not go out, I am tired of wanting to rest." said I look for reasons so that Raka can understand.

I realize that Raka's attitude has become more exaggerated lately. I don't want to disappoint him, because he is the best friend I have had after 8 years in this city.

But I also can't give her any more hope if it's about our relationship that's more than the boundaries of friendship. I don't want to pretend to love her like I did with my ex-boyfriend after Satria.

"Sorry Raka, you're too good for me who can't forget the man I'm not supposed to love anymore right now, but I still love him. "