Arinda, First Love

The past part 2

Arinda POV's

"We broke up!" say me.

I also left with a broken feeling. But Satria didn't let me just like that back then.

He firmly pulled my hand into a garden where we used to spend time there.

"What do you mean? What is it, please explain, baby? Don't suddenly act like a gini." Satria said still softly in my ear.

Satria now sat me down on a park bench and she sat beside me with a still face.

I was only silent at that moment, there was nothing more I could say besides the tears that kept falling and tightening in my chest that were getting more painful.

"Darling please don't be like this. If I'm wrong I'm sorry about you, I'll fix everything but don't believe me?" he said it was getting softer while gently rubbing both sides of my face that had filled with tears.

I jerked her hands together in disgust when she touched me.

"Don't touch me asshole! I'm disgusted by you!" my words made him quiet.

"Suckers! You fucking guy, motherfucker! I hate you!" I said with a lot of swearing I made while beating his body with the rest of my energy.

Satria was stunned to hear the swearing and swearing that came out of my mouth at that time. He just silently received the blow I gave and tried to hug my body to calm me down.

"You can say anything until you feel satisfied, but please explain first where my fault is so fatal that you're like this?"

I was crying all the more when I heard his words. In the end I kept crying in the arms of the most jerky man I knew.

**

After I calmed down, I began to say all the things that were the source of my anger at her.

"Are you clear to me now? What mistake has made you so angry with me?" tanyakanya.

"You should know the answer yourself! What sins do you practice that can make me really hate you!" said I stared at him sharply while holding back the upset.

"I never thought I'd fall in love with a cowardly man like you!" just keep me on again.

"Please tell me first what I did wrong? Only then can you be as angry as I am with you." he said impatiently.

"Why sat? why do you have so much of me? You made me fall in love just for you to break my heart like this?"

"I'm glad I really don't know what you mean."

"You betrayed me, Satria!! How come you cheated on me after almost 2 years together!!"

"Hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait stop first. Baby you must have misunderstood. I never cheated on you I never betrayed you. I just love you." Satria made me laugh despite being so hurt.

"Bulshit!! All your words are nonsense!"

"Darling please you have to trust me. Who said I cheated on you? Where's people? What proof?" tanya Satria was still evasive.

"You betrayed me, Satria! Until that baby is now in Fina's womb!!

" F..fina??" he looks surprised.

"I love you Sat, I really love you and I love you for no reason. I give you all the feelings I make. And it's not enough for you!"

"I love you with sincerity and trust because that's all I have. But it turns out it's all the beginning of all your betrayal!"

"From now on, we have no more business. And I hope I'll never see your face again even until I die!" my words passed leaving Satria still in shock.

I hate Satria. Satria's betrayal really took me by the time. My first love ended with something I can't forgive. Until his name never wanted me to remember.

~

The day that my whole world was destroyed, it started there. The beautiful days we spent together were lost with days of disappointment, anger and unbearable pain.

Life can be that cruel. Something that starts very sweet can end bitter and poignant.

My heart felt more than just a broken heart at that moment. What made me sick and hurt the most was when she just kept quiet and did not deny the slightest bit of everything Fina thought of her.

Why is it like this? How did this happen? Why would he do this? Thousands of questions suddenly filled my head.

From that day on, I didn't want to know what was going on. I just locked myself in silence. Spent thousands of days crying over something I didn't even deserve.

Even though Satria kept coming to my house, but I asked my parents not to let her see me even once.

I never had any more contact with him. Dozens of times he called me in 1 day, Hundreds of short messages he sent never read. I blocked his cell phone number even all his social media accounts.

I didn't give the slightest gap for me to meet him. I decided to go to college and live in Jakarta.

And until now, I've never told anyone about any of these things, not even my father and mother.

I just want to get over it and not remember it in my heart. He is a past I never want to remember again.

The wounds that Satria has given in the past are so deep in my heart. So I kept shutting myself down for years.

With great difficulty, I tried to rebuild little by little my confidence for a man.

Hence, it has managed to make my view of love into something different. I could never give my sincerity to another man.

...You're the strongest reason to make me no longer want to feel what it is to fall in love....

...You are a wound that never dries in my heart, that can never be healed by time....

..."I love you" I wish I never said those words to you....

...You are what I never wanted to remember and I have met again in my entire life. You are the biggest regret of my life....