A Poem To Dila
Disappear
We set out to go to the market that night, and of course there were also those who did not go to the night market at that time, who went to the night market at that time was Me, Dila, Hendrik, Muladi, Yomi, and others.
Our trip lasted for approximately 30 minutes, with a rather thrilling situation. My friends were vying to get to the night market first, and I got carried away, trying to catch up with them. However, Dila who I bonceng tightly held my jacket with a face full of fear, felt I was too fast in riding the motorbike.
I immediately realized my mistake and slowed down the speed of my bike, wanting to provide comfort and safety for Dila. "I'm sorry, I scared you."
Dila smiled as she continued to hold my jacket tightly. "Yes, not papa. Just don't repeat it again, yeah."
Uh yes, you want to go to Tangerang when? ask me in a slow voice, while I keep paying attention to the streets that are not too crowded.
Dila muttered, her eyes directed at me as I rode my motorcycle. Hmm, I think tomorrow I will go to Tangerang.
I took a deep breath hearing his answer. So this is our last meeting, huh?
Dila nodded with a fake smile on her face. He tried to hide his true feelings.
I chose not to discuss that anymore and just focused on driving my bike, trying to catch up with friends who might have already arrived at the night market.
In the silence of our journey, there was pain tucked between the unspoken words. Time continued, and a sense of loss began to slip slowly.
After I got to the night market, I parked my bike and we both walked over to the children who were gathering.
What are we doing here? ask the stars to Zahid who was near Rofi.
Whatever you do, go where you go. Said Zahid as he left the Star and stepped with Rofi.
I heard Zahid's words and quickly withdrew Dila's hand, leaving the children behind and continuing on the night market. Come on, come with akul.
Dila saw me clasping her hands and following my steps from behind. Where are we going?
Let's take a walk.
As we walked around together, Dila was fixated on one food that kept her eyes glued to him. I saw Dila's expression and invited her closer. Come on, let's go over there. If you just look at it, it will be hunted out.
Dila was surprised because I realized her gaze, but she only smiled in response. Yes come.
“The cotton candy bar is two yes, the black one is not bang?”
“Eh, where there is black color cotton candy.” Dila whispered to me.
I who heard Dila whispering to me also decided to Dila who chose. “You are Dil, choose which one?”
Dila also took cotton candy that was colored Yellow and Blue. “It's blue for you and yellow for me.”
I just smiled as I held the cotton candy and walked back with Dila. “Yellow color is suitable for you, because the color resembles orange.”
Dila smiled slightly and ate the cotton candy. “Blue Color also suits you, because your sikaf might be a bit like Blue.”
“Sorry Blue seems to be here there is no Senjani, here there is only Dila who is very similar to Senjani, but I reiterate once again he is only similar, does not mean he is Senjani, so you can go back to Banda Neira.” I said while talking to this cotton candy in blue.
Dila who saw me talking to the blue candy also followed me, by talking to her orange cotton candy. “Sorry Senjani, Blue was here but I didn't have time to tell you and maybe he has returned to Banda Neira to continue his adventure. You might think that the world is more complicated and more complicated than playing chess with Blue. Maybe you will feel sad and will feel difficult times if there is no Blue by your side, but believe me, Blue will definitely come back to see you or even create a new story with you.”
I who heard those words from Dila also just smiled and looked at her face which was already sweet even without an eyebrow pencil.
I who was walking with Dila also looked at the Star who was trying to catch a goldfish with paper. “Lu again why ege?”
“Beber cave again focus.” He said while trying to catch fish with the paper net.
The star immediately tried to catch the fish with the paper net but after the Star got one fish the net was immediately torn.
I asked the brother who was guarding the game. “What game is this?”
“This is called Kingyo sukui or goldfish fishing game. You have to catch as many fish as possible before the paper on the net is torn. If you manage to catch fish, you can bring home the results of the pliers-when it is with a plastic bag.” Said the brother explaining his game.
“Oh if it is so easy, yaudah bang I bought two nets.” I said while giving my money to that brother.
“Easy where ege? Just get one cave after three tries.”
“It means you bego.”
“Bangke.”
I just laughed at the stars that were upset with me. “Liat nih cave can be caught in one try.”
He gave us two nets. Here, Dila. You wanna try?
While giving my other net to Dila, who might also be interested in trying it, Dila also took the net. Thank you, I tried it.
I noticed Dila who was carefully trying to catch fish using the paper net I had just given. Dila was very careful in choosing small fish that became his target, in the hope that the fish was easier to catch. With full concentration, Dila put his net into the water and tried to catch the fish he had been chasing before. I watched her from the side, and saw Dila's joyful face when her net caught the fish. However, the moment Dila lifted her net, the paper suddenly ripped, causing the fish to come loose again. Dila's disappointed face could not be hidden, although she still tried to smile small.
I calmed Dila down and tried to comfort her. Do not be disappointed, see Deni will get the fish and fish for Dila.
Dila who heard my words immediately smiled, and tried to encourage me. “You should get ya.”
“Do'ain, let me get.”
“Finished.”
Before I put a paper net into the water to catch fish, I carefully observed every fish swimming in the pond, trying to choose a suitable fish to catch with this net. After finding my target fish, I immediately put the net into the water and pointed it towards the intended fish. Carefully, I placed my net directly on top of the fish, then quickly lifted the net before the paper was torn. However, just as he was about to put the fish into the container, the net paper suddenly torn, almost making the fish fall back into the pond. Without hesitation, I immediately caught the fish with my left hand before it touched the pool water.
Dila who saw me managed to catch the fish that wanted to fall was immediately telling me to enter it. “Den cepet enter the fish into the container, if it continues in your hands later the fish die.”
I just smiled a little while looking at Dila. “Iya.”
“Bang, this is the fish please in movein ya.”
After removing the fish I caught the brother gave the fish that had been wrapped in plastic to me. “This is the fish.”
I also took the fish that brother gave me “Still bang.”
“Liat nih said cave also what? Cave once try directly dapet.” I said to the star on my right.
“Hockey only just now.”
I also gave the fish I caught to Dila who was on my left. “This Dil the fish for you.”
Dila also took the fish I gave her with both hands. “Still yes.”
I smile. “Iya same.”
“Jaudah mending us streets again.” I stood up and extended my hand back to Dila to help her stand up.
Dila took my hand and stood beside me and walked with me as she left the Star and Windi. “We first yes.”
“Cautious.” Windi said to Dila who went with me.
“There is a lake near here, we just go there, would you like?”
"But it's night, I don't seem like anything?"
“No papa on the edge bright really, and instinct I said that we will meet the children there.”
“Judah deh ayo”
Arriving at the lake, it was true as I thought it turned out that the children were gathered in a chair close to the lake. I walked towards them with Dila and sat down on a chair near them. “And say I also what, the kids must be here.”
“You are called a coincidence but too often.” Said Dila while sitting on the chair with me.
“Judah how do we turn that coincidence into something planned.”
“Means?”
"Yes, something that basically already exists because of the consequences. Let's take the example of the children gathered here. Why did I feel like they might be here? That's because when we were in High School, they always gathered in this lake every time to the night market. So, my risk of guessing they are here could go from 50% to 80% or higher.
Dila muttered while thinking about the words he was going to say. "Hmm, what if after this we don't meet again? What are our chances of meeting again?"
I who heard Dila's words let out a long sigh, trying to answer with a feeling that emanated from my heart. "Maybe our chances of meeting after tonight are very small, just 1."
Dila was surprised to hear such a small number and tried to confirm it. "Why only 1%?"
"I know that number looks really small right now, but every time I miss you, our chances of meeting will increase by 1%. So, every miss I save will increase our chances of meeting again."
"With that, you need 99 times to miss to reach 100%? And after reaching 100%, will we definitely be able to meet again?"
"of course. When the longing piggy bank is full and reaches 100%, we will definitely meet again. Maybe before it reaches 100%, we'll disappear together."
"At the end of the day, it's our last night huh, before we part?" ask Dila, in a soft voice.
“Disappeared, Dila, not separated. You know why dusk always disappears every night? Because he promised to come back and meet tomorrow. So no one should worry.”
Dila who had put on a sour face, slowly looked at my face with a meaningful gaze. He clasped my hand tightly and gave a glowing smile in the darkness of the night.
"Thank you," whispered Dila in a soft voice.
“For what?”
“Have brought me here.”
I smile. I should have said thank you, for making this last night even more special.”
The children walked out of the lake and went to the parking lot to pick up the bike and go home. When we arrived at the parking lot, I felt my heart beating even louder. My heart was pounding uncontrollably when I saw Dila who was waiting for me in front of the parking lot. The moonlight radiated, highlighting the beauty of his face that was so dazzling. He stood under a shady tree, the night wind fluttering his sunken jacket, creating an image that I cannot forget.
While driving forward, I stood in front of Dila. "Dila, come." I said in a soft voice, but it was clear between the silence of the night.
“Where?” Ask.
“Searching machine time.”
“For what?”
"Yes, I want us to be stuck in it, adventuring indefinitely, away from the reality that sometimes burdens us on this earth,"
However, the smile on Dila's lips instantly dimmed. "But if I don't go back to earth, then Ciko has nothing to take care of,"
“Ngak papa, the ciko we tell independently aja.”
Dila just smiled at what I said and rode on the bike to get ready to leave the market tonight. While carrying my motorbike and following the others, I saw Dila's face from the rearview mirror with a slightly dim aura.
“Dila.”
“Iya Den?”
“Nevent so.”
“Why is that? What did you just want to say?”
I'm laughing a little. “Ngak papa.”
While I was looking at Dila's face reflected in my rearview mirror, my heart was pounding in the silence of the night which further derailed my longing and desire. The desire to say to Dila so that she does not go, wanting her to always be around me like this, if I was given the choice I would rather fall in love without losing, than lose without revealing.
You've always been able to make me honest in everything, except one, my feelings. If only I could tell you, but I was too afraid of your reaction that didn't fit my imagination all along. Not that fiction is more humbling than reality, not that we are two people who already enjoy wallowing in the friendship zone.
Arriving in front of the gate of Dila's house that looked silent, I felt the weight of my steps as Dila got off my motorbike. He stood before the gate, seemingly unwilling to prolong this moment of farewell. However, I can't just let him go.
“Dila!”
Call me with a voice that sounds fragile and hopeful in the silence of the night.
Dila turned to face me, her eyes emitting a sad glint that I was hard to resist. He looked at me with a faint smile on his lips, but his gaze looked distant.
“Iya Den?”He answered in a nearly disconnected voice.
I walked up to him, step by step, and held his hand tightly, trying to hold back time to pause, so that we could be in this moment forever. But the world kept turning, and time passed.
“Goodbye, Dila.” Whisper me with a voice full of tenderness, though my heart breaks behind the fake smile I made.
Dila let go of my grasp, her gaze returned to the gate of her house which seemed to be the border between us. Without saying a word, he entered the gate of his house, leaving me alone in the darkness of the night.
Traces of steps that begin to fade, views that begin to blur, lights that begin to dim. Our story is obsolete in time, leaving behind fragments of hope that loudly still shout your name. In the gloomy nights you return as a contemplation that accompanies the desolate and silent. You grew up in that field of memory, you are the beauty in that story. About you I keep me in solitude and longing.
I stood there, silent and glued. My heart feels heavy, like I've lost a part of myself that won't come back. My gaze followed Dila's increasingly distant steps, and I watched the fading shadows in the darkness of the night then disappear.
I fell in love with someone I could only see. But I can't have it.
I fell in love with someone I could only tell a story about. But I can't tell a story together.
I fell in love with someone I only heard her laughing. But that's no reason he laughs.
I fell in love with someone I could only keep his name. But I can't take her home together.
But that night I heard him laughing, right in front of me, right in front of me, alone.
Between the silence of the night and the feelings that told me that it might have been the first and last night. And where can I be with him.
And when he came home, I realized something.
I fell in love with someone who talked to me. And that's perfect enough.
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