A Poem To Dila
Canteen mom
A week had passed since the peak event ended, and the atmosphere in the school felt empty without any activities. We, the students, feel that a visit to the school is no longer necessary, except for the farewell event that will be held two weeks later, precisely the 25th of Mey. On that day, we will part with our force.
Daily life without school activities made me feel confused and do not know what to do. In the quiet classroom, I stepped slowly while walking around her. Empty benches and neglected whiteboards are silent witnesses of the few who come to this school. Every corner of the room reminds me of the memories that have been engraved during my three years of travel at this school.
Suddenly, someone's footsteps rang out from a distance, breaking the silence of a class inhabited only by myself. That guy called me.
“Deni..” Speak with a soft tone.
I who was no stranger to the tone of his voice immediately turned my body facing him then smiled. “Dila!”
Such a beautiful figure standing before the door looked at me with a gaze I could never forget. “You're alone?”
I approached Dila who was near the classroom door. “Yes, I'm alone here but now there are you, so both.”
Dila smile. “You are still yes.”
I chuckled as I asked Dila to leave the class. “You coming?”
“Where?” Ask curiously.
I answered while looking at Dila with mystery. “To the place after this, we will never visit it again.”
Dila who heard my words only smiled a little, following my not so fast steps. Along the way, we saw the school we were about to leave. There are still many younger siblings who are busy with their school activities, but for those of us who are in 3rd grade, it is all over. There is nothing left except memories that cannot be repeated.
Arriving at the place I was headed, Dila and I walked to meet someone there. And yes, that place was the school cafeteria, the place where I always spent my break time with Dila. The cafeteria mother was busy serving the students who ordered the food, it seems she has not noticed our presence. However, as soon as Dila and I stood in front of the cafeteria mother, she immediately left her job and walked up to us. Then, all of a sudden, the cafeteria mother hugged us both.
In her warm embrace, I felt a tremor of emotion enveloping me. It was like facing an unexpected moment, a heartwarming surprise. The mother of the cafeteria, who had always been the affectionate figure in the school cafeteria, wrapped her hands around my body and Dila warmly.
“Deni, neng geulis.” Said the canteen mother in a hoarse voice, trying to hold back her flooded tears. “Mother did not expect you already want to graduate, but yesterday you were still in first class aja.”
The mother of the cafeteria took off her embrace with a hilarity emanating from her eyes. “In particular you, Deni. In the past, you liked to harass mom and often owed mom.” Holding back her laughter, the canteen mother closed her eyes for a moment. His breath sounds heavy. “But now, after you both graduate, I will feel so lonely, no one is harassing and helping mom again.”
I smile. “Ya already, now Deni same Dila will help mom.”
Dila who was looking at the two of us, nodded in agreement with a gentle smile. “Yes, Mom. Maybe this will be the last moment we can help mom in this canteen.”
The smile of the canteen mother was increasingly radiating. “Thank you, kids. You guys have been giving a lot of cheer and help to mom all this time.”
In the final seconds in the familiar school cafeteria, we shared moments of warmth and harrumph. We knew that our lives would continue into the next round, but right now, the canteen that was indeed the most comfortable place at the break I would never see again and there would never be a repetition of the story. All the sweet and funny memories we shared together in this cafeteria became an indispensable part of our wonderful past.
The days passed without any significant activity, and without feeling two weeks passed. Today, the 24th of Mey, I'm getting ready to go to the venue for a rehearsal before tomorrow's main event. When I got there, I tried to look for Dila, hoping that she would be there too. However, after I searched all over, I never found him. Looks like he didn't come to follow the dress rehearsal.
I sat on the chair that will be the venue tomorrow, contemplating in silence. Suddenly, a woman approached me and sat down next to me. That woman is Julita.
“Den, you've expressed your same feelings Dila?” Said Julita who approached me and sat beside me.
Hearing the question from Julita I could only bow down. “Gua can't Ju, make express the same cave feeling him.”
“So you yesterday did not so express your feelings same Dila?”
“Cave fear Ju, cave fear unrequited cave feeling, cave fear that cave is only considered friends doang same him, and most cave fear, cave fear to lose him.”
Julita patted me on the shoulder to calm me down, who was unable to express my feelings for Dila. “Gua knows your feelings Den, but if you can't express your feelings, you'll lose him instead, and there's no guarantee that you still hold your feelings in common with him, he'll know too unless the only thing is, you have to express your feelings to him.”
“Gua has no courage Ju, make say everything you talked about just now, cave just want to kayak first again, want to always be near him, want to have it and want to laugh with him again.”
Julita left me alone while giving me a little encouragement. “Lu should be confident in yourself, Den.”
“Still Ju.”
With heavy steps, I left the building. Upon arrival at home, I rushed towards my room, feeling so profound fatigue. I drooped on the bed, staring at the dark ceiling of my room.
My eyes were fixed on a photo on a small table beside the bed. The photo featured a bright smile of Dila by my side, taken last year. My hands trembled as I grasped the photo gently, touching the face plastered within. The pain of my heart and the desire to express my feelings to Dila struggled in my mind.
In my exhaustion, I put the photo on my chest, feeling an uncontrollable vibration of emotion. Tired I led me into a deep sleep, washed away in my dream filled with the shadow of Dila. The heavy decision I had to make was chasing and haunting me with every breath.
In the dream world, I hope to find answers. Am I going to express my pent-up feelings to Dila? Or am I going to keep him, frozen in uncertainty.
Umi shook my body with gentleness, trying to wake me up from the dreamland that kept hugging me tightly. My eyes opened in half, looking at the Umi who approached me with a gentle look. “Den, wakeup. Today there is an important event, isn't it?”
I responded with a lazy gesture, turned around and covered myself with a blanket. I was afraid, afraid of the breakup coming up, afraid of the changes that would come after. “Shortly, five more minutes.” I just begged in my heart for time to go slower.
Umi uttered a gentle threat. “If not wake up umi lock yes door from outside.”
But I knew umi wouldn't really do it, umi was just trying to wake me up that way. I snorted a little and finally gained the courage to face this inevitable day.
I got out of bed with heavy steps, dragging myself into the bathroom. Cold water ran over my body, trying to calm the doubts and anxieties that haunted my mind. After I finished my bath and prayed, I stepped out of my room and walked to the dinner table for breakfast.
“Where to?”
“Your gate is working, your sister is still sleeping.” Answer umi while carrying rice dinner shirt.
When I finished eating, I moved towards the exit of the house, followed by an increasingly loud heart. Umi called me from behind. “You want to leave now?”
“Iya, umi.” I replied with a slight tremble in voice. “Deni, should go now.”
Umi approached me, embracing me affectionately. “Be careful yes, dear. Hope the show goes well.”
I kissed Umi's hands full of haru flavor. “Iya, umi. Deni left first. Assalamualaikum.”
The bright morning felt like a beautiful piece of memory, with a vast blue sky and sunshine shining down on my steps. The cheerful sounds of birds chirping accompanied the journey towards Ruko, where we gathered before leaving together. Arriving at the shophouse I saw Bintang, Robi, Ridwan, Hendrik, Zahid, Ravhy, Yaksa, Dicky and Rifki already there before me first.
“You leave when?” I ask other kids.
Hendrik walked into the bathroom. “Bentaran cave bath first.”
“Lu from earlier why ege? People are ready you even want to take a shower.”
“Bentar nge cave at most 5 minutes clean shower, wait bentar.”
After Hendrik finished the bath we went to the farewell building to attend the event, I who saw Bintang myself, immediately boarded the Bintang motorbike to go to the building that will be my school farewell.
“Tang cave nebeng same lu.”
“Ya come on.”
We left for the farewell building while on the road I chatted with the Stars in particular about my feelings for Dila.
“Lu have already expressed your feelings as Dila?”
“Cave confused about the feeling of the cave too, Dila already has a guy. Yes, the cave knows the cave likes Dila, but if he already has a guy, heavy for the cave to talk and his choice is also just one he can not accept the cave, but if he already has a guy, heavy for the cave to talk and his choice is also only one he can not accept the cave, he must have refused the cave so free if the cave reveals now.”
“Lu know that if you do not express your feelings now, you will be disappointed and there will be regrets? Suppose if you've been waiting for him to continue the answer remains the same that you're the same he can't both how? I guess it's not in vain that time you waste waiting for him?”
“But for some reason for the cave, there is no wasted time for him, he may think the cave is not special but for the cave, she is the only truly special woman, cave family exceptions.” I chimed in on the word Star.
“If you consider him special? why didn't you reveal your feelings to her? why should when you think you just said he was special?”
Sighs and looks up at the sky. “Gua is so confused now.”
As I sighed and looked up at the sky, there was an indignation that filled my mind. Am I supposed to take a risk and express my feelings to Dila, even though she already has a boyfriend? Would my feelings be in vain if I kept quiet and did not tell him?
Star, continue the conversation, "Lu this thought, Den. Life is short, and we will never know what will happen in the future. Maybe now Dila already has a boyfriend, but that does not mean she will not have time alone in the future? Don't let regrets haunt you later."
The words of the Star pierced my heart. I pondered for a moment, considering his words. He's correct. I don't want to feel sorry for never trying. Maybe this is a bad time, but what can I do but try?
"Gua understands what you mean," I said at last, breaking the silence. "Maybe it is not the right time, but the cave does not want to regret later. The cave will try to express the feeling of the cave saka Dila, no matter what the outcome."
The stars smile happily. "That's it! You never know what will happen if you don't try. The cave supports you completely. If Dila is special to you, dare yourself and tell her."
We arrived at the farewell building with hope and enthusiasm. Even though my feelings were still swaying, I knew that I had made the right decision. Maybe this is the beginning of something beautiful, or maybe a heartbreak without limits. For sure, I'll never know unless I try.
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