A Poem To Dila

Not having courage

After the BBQ dinner I washed my hands in the pool there but Dila scolded me for watching me wash my hands in the pool.

“Why wash your hands in the pool?” Say Dila who wants to wash hands too but not in the pool but in the kitchen or in the water faucet that is there.

“Continue washing his hands where?”

“Come with.” Dila pulled my left hand with her left hand and washed it together in the water faucet in front of the Villa.

After I finished washing my hands back to the other place while taking pictures of people who were there to be a memento and maybe they wanted to see the photos.

I told Dila to sit on a chair by the swimming pool. “When try you sit there first.”

“Why Den?” Dila obey my words.

“Udah massage aja.”

“Here?”

“Iya there.” I pulled out my phone to photograph it.

“1... 2... 3...” I gave my cue to take a picture of Dila.

“Change style.” I said to ask Dila to change style because of her style.

“Ih can't.”

“Show aja.”

“Ya has finished aja.” Said Dila while raising her two fingers near her chin.

“It is good.”

Dila approached me to see the photos. “Mana? Try clay.”

Dila smile. “Ih nice.”

After finishing all the events outside we all entered the Villa to rest there. But there are also those who go straight to sleep and there are also those who continue to karaoke and play cards.

“Oi, Den main card here.” Said Zahid who saw me enter the Villa and immediately invited me to play cards.

I saw Dila who was there coming straight to them and sitting under the sofa. “Ya has gas.”

“Who is playing?” I asked Zahid, who had taken me and sat there.

“Lu, cave, Hendrik equals Ravhy.” Say Zahid while shuffling his cards before they are dealt.

I was with them playing cards but there was also a karaoke on the sofa like Robi, Rahayu, Felia, Star, Yaksa, Yomi, Elis, Winda, Wanda, Windy, Star, Age, Alpin, Alpin, Rofi, Windi and Dila who were above me were sitting on the sofa.

“Lu will win no against cave?” Hendrik asked me.

I took the card that Zahid had shared. “It should be that cave to elu.”

I played cards with Hendrik and others because it was so exciting at that time, Dila who always laughed at that time really liked to pull my hair to the point of disheveled.

“Now what is the word cave too? You don't have the talent to win against the cave.” Hendrik ejeked arrogantly, while he managed to win five consecutive rounds in the card game.

I'm upset with Hendrik. “Perfect emang.”

“Main tukeran, do not you guys who play continue dong.” Windi said in a somewhat annoyed tone to us who are still fun to play.

Hendrik, who never missed to chimed in every comment, replied arrogantly, “Kek who can aja lu?”

Windi, without hesitation, snatched the card from Hendrik's hand while pushing it away with a hint of force. “Soaring lu.” His fervor is firm.

Julita asks Ravhy to play in a seductive style. “Gua is also coming, Vhy.”

Ravhy, with a curious look, asked Julita who was sitting next to him, “What are you doing playing cards for?”

Julita with a sweet smile picked up the cards belonging to Ravhy. “Yes eat it, teach me dong.”

Rofi approached Zahid enthusiastically. “I'm also coming, Zaid.”

Zahid gave his cards to Rofi with a smile. “Nah, try to play aja.”

I looked at the new players with curiosity. “Oi, who is serious about ege? Cave time must be against the females?”

Hendrik laughed with a joke. “Skill pas-pasan lu indeed pantes his opponents.”

I breathed in frustration. “Taik emang.”

Suddenly, Dila got off the sofa and sat down beside me, asking for my card to replace me playing with the newly joined females. I looked at him with a little doubt.

“Only can you play?” Many skeptics.

Dila confidently picked up the card that was in my hand. “Same as Julita said, teach me to play.”

Hearing her words, a smile on my lips. I'm glad that Dila wants to be involved in this game.

And the guys who were playing cards were replaced by the women who wanted to play as well, Windi who replaced Hendrik, Julita who replaced Ravhy, Rofi who replaced Zahid and Dila who reminded me. Because these women don't understand how to play, everyone ends up playing in pairs, with me and Dila, Zahid and Rofi, Ravhy and Julita, except Windi who has two people at once who help him, namely Hendrik and Bintang.

In the first game Windi won because assisted by Hendrik who incidentally Hendrik is the most good at playing cards, in the second game also Windi again won until he won three times in a row, until he won three times in a row, after the fourth to last game the winner took turns but not me and Dila who never won the game though. Of the seven games, Windi won four, Julita once and Rofi twice.

“Dila, you chose the wrong pair of kayaks, because the Innate Deni sebul (lost) continues.” Hendrik mocked me at the time.

“Sabar yes Dila, the Deni is unreliable.” Windi said while patting Dila on the shoulder, Dila only smiled at that moment without caring about winning or losing which was important she could smile, laugh and be happy then.

Time passed precisely at half-hour one mallem everyone was still energetic, I who saw Dila who had looked sleepy immediately invited her to sleep on the top floor and Bintang also invited Windi to sleep as well. All the rooms on the lower floor are filled with children who sleep first there are also those who sleep on the sofa where the karaoke is Elis, Robi, Felia, Windy, Alpin, Zaman, Yomi.

Me, Dila, Bintang, and Windi walked up the stairs to the top floor. However, as soon as we got there, we realized that the two rooms upstairs were already full of other friends. There is no empty space, and we have to find a solution to sleep. Finally, the four of us decided to sleep on the sofa that was upstairs. Windi and Dila lay down on the sofa, while Star and I looked for a place nearby and slept on the mat on the floor.

When I saw me sitting on the mat, Dila asked my sleeping position. “You slept under, Den?” He asked attentively.

I nodded, showing my place on the mat next to the Star. “Iya, I sleep here with the Stars. You and Windi just sleep on the sofa.”

Dila smiled as she played on my already long hair. Meanwhile, Windi and the Star were already sleeping on the sofa. The atmosphere on the top floor became calm, there was only the slow sound of a gust of wind entering through the open window.

However, despite the calm atmosphere, my mind was still filled with Dila's question. “When you graduate school where to go?” Ask gently, showing sincere curiosity.

I smiled gently, leaning against the sofa where Dila slept. “My plan after graduation is not to go straight to college. I plan to take time myself, maybe about a year or two after graduation just going to college.”

“What do you want first?” Dila asked gently, while turning her body and looking behind my back.

I took a deep breath before answering. “I want to see places I've never seen before, and see even more beautiful twilight even though it might not be as beautiful as it used to be.”

Dila smiled warmly, while continuing to play my hair with her fingers. “You still still yes very fond of twilight, Den.”

I lowered my head slightly, my gaze focused on the floor. The sound of the footsteps of time sounded slow, adding to the atmosphere between us. Then, I decided to say what had been bothering me all along.

“Dila?” My call sounded soft and doubtful.

“Iya.” He answered in a hoarse voice, showing interest in what I was about to say.

I bit my lips for a moment, trying to express my feelings with the right words. “Can we still meet after this day is over, after we graduate school, and even after many years have passed?”

I smiled bitterly, remembering that promise I made. Which I will either be able to keep or be stabbed to death by an unimaginable longing.

Dila continued, still with her delicate fingers playing my hair. “Thank you, Den, for these three unforgettable years.” Then, with increasingly heavy eyes, he finally fell asleep. Her hand that was playing my hair slid and involuntarily touched my face.

My heart rippled, right now in the silence of the peaceful night, the dim moonlight radiating gently caressed Dila's already slumbering face. I, who was sitting next to him, felt a sense of serenity radiating from his face unperturbed by the outside world. Without hesitation, I grabbed my jacket hanging near me and gently wrapped it around, providing protection in a cool night atmosphere.

Slowly, I felt the drowsiness that had invaded my body after a long day. I lay under the sofa where we both slept. The dim moonlight illuminated the room, creating shadows that danced on the walls. I felt the warmth from the jacket that surrounded Dila, reminding me of the wonderful moments we had spent together.

The star, who had slept first beside me, seemed calm in his sleep. For a moment, I contemplated all the journeys we went through together, from laughter to tears, from struggle to happiness. Now, on this silent night, we rest, sharing a narrow space yet filled with unforgettable memories.

My eyes slowly closed, and in my deep sleep, I felt the warmth and peace that surrounded both of us. Hopefully our present and future will always be a beautiful story, intertwined in a destiny that reunites us, despite walking a different path.

In the darkness that was slowly approaching, I fell asleep with a smile on my lips, bringing hope for the days to come.

The cold, bone-chilling air in the morning woke me up from my deep sleep. With my eyes still closed, I fumbled around me, trying to figure out the current time. Suddenly, my finger touched the cold surface of the wall clock hanging on the Villa, and with a shocked heart, I saw the needle showing at 5am.

Although my body still felt limp and drowsiness approaching, I decided to go downstairs. My light steps down the stairs broke the silence of the morning. The peace that surrounds the Villa feels so real in every corner.

When I reached the bottom floor, I saw an interesting sight. Most of the children were still asleep, their bodies wrapped in sleep comfort. However, some of them have woken up, awakened by the call of religion. Zahid, Rofi, and Felia, with careful steps, were getting ready for the morning prayers.

My throat was dry and needed a fresh drink. I continued my steps into the kitchen to look for something that would quench my thirst. Filling the glass with cold water, I inhaled it delicately. The drops of cool water that slid through my throat provided relief, restoring the drained energy in my sleep.

“Oi Den, here the congregational dawn prayer used to mumpung lu the only person who has already built.” Take Zahid to me who is drinking water on the table.

“Bentar.” I took a sip of the water and went to the bathroom for ablution.

After I finished in the bathroom I joined the congregational prayer with Zahid, after finishing the prayer I went to the kitchen to brew Energen to prop up my stomach which seemed to be hungry. I who had brewed Energen was back on the floor I saw from a distance as I climbed the stairs to the upper floor like Dila and the others were still sound asleep, while passing through it I walked towards the upstairs terrace to enjoy the cold morning of the day, accompanied by a warm drink I just made and a song from Kunto aji called Rest that I turn on from my phone.

While silent there did not feel half an hour passed, the warm drink that was still intact in the cup was cold and exhausted. I saw Dila who was standing beside the door while wearing my jacket to warm her body, she stared towards the sky which gradually began to brighten.

“You're not cold what's out here not wearing a jacket?” Ask Dila to me who was sitting on that upstairs porch chair

I smiled at Dila. “Slightly Kok.”

“This is your jacket, I already wear a jacket.” Dila took off my jacket and gave me her jacket.

I'm wearing my jacket that Dila gave me. “Still.”

“Come down we breakfast.” Take Dila to me for breakfast downstairs.

“Iya come.” I walked after Dila from behind while carrying the cup I just brought from the kitchen.

I saw the Star that was still soundly asleep trying to wake her up. “Oi wake you up, do not sleep mulu.”

“But 5 minutes more.” The star turned its body.

“Present you deh.” I walked back to Dila and down the stairs.

Once below I went to the place to eat for breakfast with Dila, but not only were we the one who was having breakfast at the time but there was Zahid, Rofi, Felia, and so on, Robi and Julita are having breakfast together. After I finished breakfast I went out of the Villa to take a walk on a sunny morning at the time, but from a distance I heard someone calling my name and that person was Julita.

“DENI..” Julia yelled at me who was in the garden chair.

“APA..” I approached Julita.

“Lu have already expressed your feelings as Dila?”

I'm laughing a little. “But.”

“In the meantime the kids will be home at 9.”

“Emang now what time?” I asked Julita who was standing in front of me.

“Jam 8.” He said while looking at the clock on his phone.

“Gua hesitates to say it.” I said as I walked towards the Villa.

“If you do not express your feelings, if you now do not express your feelings, you are not necessarily after this ends will see him again or not?” Julita to me while trying to motivate me.

I entered the Villa. “Iya yes cave will try.”

“Lu not ready yet?” Hendrik asked me who had just returned.

“New also what time.”

“Lu want us to stayin?” Ask Zahid to me and tell me to get ready.

“Iya yes cave get ready.” I went upstairs to get my bag and get ready.

As I climbed up the stairs to go upstairs I saw Dila who was calling someone on the upstairs porch, without making a sound I immediately entered the room and took my bag while cleaning up my stuff, when I finished I finished everything I walked out of the room. Dila who saw me coming out of the room disconnects her phone and greets me.

“You're done?” Tanya Dila who walked up to me while carrying her bag that was on the sofa.

I smiled at him but with an unusual smile. “Iya nih.”

“Ya let's go down.” Take Dila to me while walking with her downstairs.

“Udah done all? Is anyone missing?” Zahid made sure that no items were left at Villa.

“Now.”Felia chimed in on the word Zahid.

“If nothing is left behind, let's go home.” Walking out of the villa.

Julita patted me on the shoulder and walked in front of me. “Don't forget, you reveal your feelings.”

I who saw Dila who was walking towards the door to go to the others, I went to him and pulled his hand.

“Dila, come with us for a minute.” I said as I pulled Dila and walked to the pool.

“Eh, where are Den going?”

I let go of Dila's hand and stood before her. “There are things that Deni crapin wants same Dila.”

Dila smile. “Iya Den, what to say?”

My heart suddenly beat rapidly as I looked into Dila's eyes, I wanted to express my feelings to her but I was too afraid to hear an answer from her, she said, but I was also afraid that if I didn't reveal it I couldn't see him again.

“This is a gift for you from me, please take good care of ya.” I gave him a box in my jacket pocket.

I received the box. “This what Den?”

“Later when you get home, you can open it yes.”

Dila smiled and left me. “Still.”

You know Dila, when it was the biggest mistake of my life, I didn't dare to express my feelings and didn't want to be honest enough with you, because I was too scared, Dila. I'm afraid of how I feel about to clap one hand. I'm afraid of your answer that doesn't match my expectations. I was also scared when you said 'I already have a man of my own choice', but what I fear the most is taking the risk to lose you, Dila. Somehow all those possibilities became a decision in my life that made me unable to love another woman but you, all my feelings were gone then and there, and you have brought it whether you realize it or not for sure you will still never be replaced.

You're not my boyfriend, we don't have a bond, but I love you. I'm afraid of losing you. And I hope to be a match with you. You are a very special person in my life. I love you, even if you are not mine now.

...****************...