The Sins of Love

Final Chapter: GO

...I never thought your destruction would be death to me...

...Ziyan R. A.'s....

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After the event finished Nasha decided to go home with Lasmi and her friends to Jakarta because her father and stepmother would also continue their honeymoon in Lombok for one week, ziyan came home the next day, while saying goodbye to his parents Diana held Nasha back and invited him to come home with them to Lombok, but Nasha reasoned that she did not want to skip school because the class exam was getting more and more near and for that reason eventually Diana and Irfan could not force. Although the real reason was not because of that, it felt enough for Nasha to hurt herself by being present at the event, refraining from touching and hugging Ziyan was extremely tormented, Ziyan might be able to pretend but Nasha was already unable, claustrophobic.

Nasha saw a mound of black clouds from the window of the plane he was riding, yes his father bought a plane ticket to Jakarta for them so that the trip is not too tiring, so the trip is not too tiring, ms. Lasmi fell asleep on Nasha's shoulders while Mia and Caca also fell asleep on the bench next door very soundly. The time almost showed at two o'clock at night but I don't know Nasha lately always found it difficult to sleep, even though it was trying to close Nasha's eyes still difficult to sleep.

'Dark' whispered Nasha's heart as she stared at the black clouds in the sky that night, because the cloudy weather did not have a single star to shine through the night, the night is so dark without its star will Nasha's life after this be as dark as night? I don't know, Nasha is still trying to be sincere but letting go isn't that easy, when losing her mother as a child Nasha felt her life was so empty for many years Nasha tried to fill and busy herself so that the emptiness was gone but there was a part of her heart that still felt very lonely, the feeling that Nasha had always been covering from anyone finally began to improve due to Ziyan's presence, Ziyan brought a meaningful smile again in Nasha's life but once again the smile had to disappear and the emptiness returned, it feels worse now because the wound is in the same place.~

During this one week Nasha's house was always full of people who moved Diana's belongings from her contract, of course, after the honeymoon Diana will stay at Nasha's house and Ziyan will certainly also come with her, realizing that he had to always pretend to cover up his feelings for Ziyan made Nasha even more tormented and that made his insomnia worse, every once in a while seeing Ziyan and Diana's belongings in her house made Nasha feel claustrophobic and anxious whether she would be able to act as well as Ziyan, sometimes when she felt the night so quiet Nasha again cried alone.

And finally the day arrived, after 10 days the newlyweds had arrived home, that day there was only Lasmi's mother at home because Nasha was still at her school, Irfan then introduced Lasmi's mother to Diana even though they actually knew each other but once again Irfan asked Lasmi's mother to help Diana a lot in the house, diana's room and all of Ziyan's equipment were neatly arranged there because it had been prepared long ago. As per instructions Ziyan will sleep in the main room that was used by Irfan while Irfan and Diana will occupy the main room on the lower floor, this they do so that Ziyan feels free there, he said, Irfan wanted to show his humility and show Ziyan that he was very well received in the house.

At half-five in the afternoon Nasha arrived at the gate of his house, it felt new this time Nasha's feet felt so heavy to enter there, he said, the place that previously felt so safe was now the place that Nasha wanted to avoid but could not, Nasha's heart was beating again, the feeling of anxiety came again, whether Ziyan was in there, or not, what should he do if Ziyan really came? what should I behave like? While looking into her eyes, Nasha couldn't?

The girl was still staring at the handle of the gate of her house, her wet hand squeezing beside the skirt of her uniform, she had to enter Nasha could not dodge her thoughts now, she said, he has come this far and there is no turning back, he has to face, he has to face, as it continues the inner upheaval of Nasha until finally without realizing Nasha has entered his house and gave greetings as usual.

"Assynogaic"

"Waalaikumsalam" the voices of two people who were now heard answering Nasha's greetings together

Irfan and Diana who were sitting in the guest room immediately stood up when they saw Nasha's presence, they both looked very fresh and excited, they both looked very fresh and excited, Nasha then kissed the back of Irfan's hand as the middle-aged man hugged his daughter tightly and was followed by Diana.

"How are you, baby?" ask Irfan

"Good reward" Nasha replied as she tried to smile

"Where's Sha's school?" ask Diana now

"Surfing aunty" Nasha returned Diana's smile, yes 'aunty' that call that can come out of her stammered mouth, Nasha was confused as to what to call her

Being called like that didn't make Diana or Irfan feel angry, they knew either Nasha or Ziyan would need some time to adjust.

"Now you rest first, surely cape will go home from school" said Diana trying to get along

Nasha smiled as she nodded her head "that's how I went to the room first yes" Nasha then passed leaving her father and mother there.

Where's Ziyan? Nasha thought, climbing up the steps of the two-eye floor, Nasha went around looking for the man she missed so much.

Nasha got to her room and closed the door, it felt a little relieved to be in the room, at least now Nasha is alone and until now she has not seen Ziyan who might be able to break into her defense. The girl squeezed her chest which felt tight.

Nasha sat by her bed and tried to calm herself down, she had to be kind to Diana she thought, maybe her attitude had hurt Diana, about ten minutes passed and after many times Nasha took a deep breath she heard the sound of her bedroom door being knocked.

Tok, tock, tock

"Get in" exclaimed Nasha because the door to her room was not locked

Irfan looked out with a smile and into Nasha's room, the man closed the door again when he was inside.

"Why reward?" ask Nasha

Before taking Irfan looking for a chair to sit

"You haven't cleaned up yet?" Irfan asked again because he saw Nasha still wearing a uniform

"But the reward is still dry" answered Nasha reasoned

"Sha, you're not happy to see me coming home?" asked Irfan with a face of light

Deg, Nasha was shocked to hear that, what his attitude was really obvious

"I have something wrong, pah?" Nasha lowered her head, making Irfan feel guilty for asking

"No, I'm afraid, papah is just weird to see you're lethargic at home" Irfan stood up and stroked Nasha's hair

"Tante Diana wasn't offended, was she?"

"Dong ga dear"

"I'm just a little cape pah, sorry"

"It's okay baby don't apologize, papah know you must need time, nerima new people in our lives"

Nasha silently did not answer, if only Irfan knew how much Nasha tried to be able to deal with her and Diana earlier

"Abis cleaning papah is just as mamah waiting for you below yes, mamah you yesterday really bought a lot of souvenirs for you from Lombok"

Nasha just nodded and Irfan left from Nasha~'s room

As per her father's orders, Nasha got down from her room at about half-seven p.m., the voices of Irfan and Diana who were chatting and laughing crisply sounded very happy, and the voice of Irfan and Diana, who were chatting and laughing, was very happy, nasha walked into the living room and sat down with them. Diana and Irfan instantly turned their attention to her daughter.

Diana then plowed into her room and came out with about six large paperbags in her hand, she sat next to Nasha and gave her choice as souvenirs from Lombok to Nasha's hand.

"Mamah hope you like Sha, because mamah choose itself is afraid it does not suit your taste, papah you also do not help much even confused asked what his son likes"

"When you don't bother" Nasha said as she received the paperbag

"Let's look around"

Nasha opened one by one the bag containing many of the items, Nasha was very appreciative of Diana's gift

"Everything is good" Nasha said with a smile

Diana looked at Nasha on her sad but pretty face - this girl was similar to her best friend Ratih's mother Nasha, a quiet and sweet beautiful girl.

"Senengnya yes have a daughter, the attitude is sweet and mature, try Ziyan from a small active, can not be diem, rich until big if you do not make things in school afdol"

Irfan laughed at Diana's chattering about her son

"But Ziyan remains number one right to you?" ask Irfan to Diana

"Well, Ziyan is my life"

Nasha could only look down while putting Diana's stuff back in the bag

"By the way Ziyan is, when is he coming home?" ask Irfan again

"I've told you today not to go home malem anyway, just be careful if the child is not coming when eating malem"

"Ga need to be too maxain Ziyan, his name is also a young man, Ziyan seunuran is it again the time of boys, is Ziyan now where again? He said he had finished his school work"

"She wanted to hang out with her friends"

"Know let alone if again the same friends must be exciting again right, do not need to be telfonin continue to fear we disturb"

"It can't be dong mas, family number one, Ziyan should have met us first"

Hah, what kind of chatter is this, 'family' he said. Nasha's heart felt more stirred, a reality that Nasha did not want to accept.

"But Ziyan can't be stray, right? He's never been here"

Diana laughed crisply at the question "Maaas Ziyan is not a child anymore"

They both really don't know anything.

The sound of a bell ringing from the outside, the people inside the house immediately diverted attention.

"That's Ziyan deh mas's wealth" exclaimed Diana very exited

Diana then stood about to open the door and asked Lasmi's mother who had just come out of the kitchen to see who had come back to her work.

"Let's be like me mom" Diana asked as they passed by

Nasha's heart was pounding, her hands were getting cold, she was trying to condition her unstable state so as not to be seen by anyone.

And Diana went back into the guest room while holding her favorite son.

Ziyan looked at Nasha who was sitting while holding a distinctive cloth lombok in both hands.

Nasha and Irfan stood up from his seat, Ziyan then kissed the back of Irfan's hand and shook Nasha's hand which felt very cold.

"Mas I ready to eat malem first yes" Diana said goodbye to the kitchen

Irfan then invites Ziyan to sit down with Nasha and herself

"How are you Ziyan?" ask Irfan

"Well om" Ziyan replied briefly, Irfan nodded his head

Ziyan only smiled faintly hearing him, there was an awkward atmosphere that they could not reveal to each other.

"Sha you ajakin your brother chatted with me, diem aja" pinta Irfan

"I-iya pah" replied Nasha kik-kuk

"Ziyan, papah hope you can be familiar yes, Nasha has been difficult to be able to ten deket, aja dating has never been him, try to teach a little recalcitrant deh"

Nasha's cheeks flushed at Irfan's words while Ziyan looked at Nasha deeply.

"Maaaas please come here for a moment" Diana shouted from the kitchen

Hearing that Irfan then moved from his seat "father to the kitchen first yes" he then left Ziyan and Nasha both there

Ziyan looked more and more at Nasha, it felt like he wanted to kidnap the girl and take her away from there, while Nasha still did not want to see Ziyan he could not. Avoiding the chaos that would ensue Nasha took all the paperbags Diana gave her and went to her room leaving Ziyan, Ziyan's eyes still chasing Nasha's back who was now climbing the stairs.

Not long after, Lasmi knocks on Nasha's room door and asks the girl to come downstairs because her parents are waiting for dinner.

"Non awaited both father and mother to eat down" said Lasmi's mother

Nasha looked limp and did not want to move from her seat but she forced it, this must be heavy for Nasha bu Lasmi know that, the look of pity bu Lasmi accompanied Nasha step up to the dining table.

Diana and Irfan looked very warm during the meal and even they had a light conversation that occasionally accompanied by a crisp Diana laugh, in contrast to their children who did not talk much, he said, Ziyan was once relieved to see the happiness her mother felt, and then looked at Nasha who always threw her face away. Guilt always rages on when Nasha wants Ziyan to erase all of Nasha's grief but what can be done for all of that as a result of her actions too.

"Well, there's something I want to omingin" Ziyan exclaimed suddenly, Diana then turned her eyes to her son

Ziyan took out a letter from inside his pants pocket, the paper had already folded until it looked so thin, Ziyan must have carried it everywhere in his pocket. The letter was sent to his mother. Diana read the letterhead on her cover that read Toronto University of Canada

"What is this, baby?" ask Diana

"I'm accepted in univ it's mah"

Diana then opened the envelope and read the contents

"But this is in Canada Zi" cried Diana

Nasha just lowered her head and listened, the food in front of her was only repeatedly going back and forth, her chest tight to hear Ziyan being accepted at a university abroad.

"Yes, I told you the same papah and papah already ready everything"

"Isn't he? You mean Ravi?" diana asked even more in shock, her cherry face instantly changed as Ziyan talked about her father

Ziyan nodded in doubt

"Didn't you need a mom? Something as important as this is already you talk to him first rather than the same mama?"

"Well, that's not what I mean"

"You are disappointed in you"

"Well, I was okay"

"Diana, try to calm down and listen to Ziyan first" Irfan tried to dampen Diana's anger, clearly Diana's face was hoarse reddened

While Nasha's feelings are increasingly out of the question in this situation, she can only shut up and watch

"I want to make mamah proud, I've finished messing around here mah, now is the time I really pursue my dreams"

"The dream? When did you dream of becoming an architect? Business too, you never have any interest" Diana said in a high tone while throwing a Ziyan graduation paper sheet that read that she was accepted into the architecture business faculty in English.

"I always wanted to make a home for mamah" Ziyan looked sad to see her upset mother

"You don't need anything from you" Diana moved from her seat and left the dining table, Irfan looking confused while Ziyan lowered her head while closing her eyes.

"Let papah who tried to talk to you mamah" Irfan shouted while following Diana, Diana's crying voice sounded from inside the room, Ziyan was very anxious not he thought if it could disturb the mood of his mother, Ziyan was very anxious, since knowing if Diana was diagnosed with bipolar Ziyan always tried to keep the mother mentally, because the worst thing Diana could do was hurt herself when she was sad. Ziyan had always been afraid when she saw her mother relapse, and Ziyan had found Diana trying to kill herself because of her problem with Ravi, seeing his mother who suffered from mental disorders due to being a victim of KDRT made Ziyan unable to forgive his father.

This also makes Ziyan prefer the happiness of Diana rather than her own happiness, because Diana is very vulnerable.

Nasha was still sitting in her place, she looked very surprised Diana who a few minutes ago looked so happy turned hysterical in just seconds.

Ziyan then got up and followed Diana to her room as well, the man waiting outside the room listening to Irfan who was persuading Diana inside. After fifteen minutes of waiting for Diana's crying voice to start to subside and it made Ziyan calm down a little, while Nasha was already nail to her room now.

Ziyan was now sitting next to the door of Diana and Irfan's room, their voices were barely heard now, perhaps her mother had calmed down and fell asleep, she said, Irfan was so great at calming Diana usually Ziyan had to give her mother a sedative when she relapsed.

The door of the room was heard opening from the inside, Ziyan immediately got up and he saw Irfan coming out.

"Can I come in?" asked Ziyan

Irfan did not immediately reply, he looked at Ziyan with pity, it was a pity that this child had to see his mother as angry as he thought Irfan.

"Om already chatting with your mama, now try to invite her to have a good conversation huh" said Irfan passed and let Ziyan into his room.

Ziyan slowly opened the door and saw her mother sitting on the edge of the bed while still sobbing. Ziyan was now on her knees at the feet of her mother begging for forgiveness, the man folded his knees before the seated Diana.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm making you sad" Ziyan clenched her mother's hand tightly

Suddenly Diana's hand released Ziyan's grip and moved to stroke her son's hair.

"Dear, sorry mama, you must be disappointed to see the rich mama earlier"

"I've never been disappointed with you"

"Do you really want to go to Canada?"

Ziyan nodded then

"Why do you have to go that far anyway Zi, just mama mama feels my life is complete but now you even want to go"

"At first I never thought to study abroad mah, but since seeing the same mama om Irfan I feel calmer, now mamah already have a home, it's not sad anymore, it's not sad again, there is a place to take shelter, maybe it's time I make it better too, all this time I just make a mistake right mah? Maybe if I go to college and succeed someday I don't need to be under the control of the papah family, I can be independent"

"But Mom doesn't want to lose you"

"You can't possibly lose me, I'm sure to come back here again if I've been successful, mama same om Irfan can also go to Canada to count the holidays" Ziyan showed a fake smile

Diana breathed a heavy sigh trying to understand

"Study abroad is not easy Zi"

"You don't believe me?"

"It's not Ziyan"

"Well, I just need my mom's support, if you've done me, support me must be all right"

"So you'll live there by yourself?"

"Papah Ravi has taken care of everything mah, I just left"

Diana's forehead wrinkled

"When did you get along with that guy?"

"Mama once said that wherever she keeps my papah, mama also once said even though she has made a mental mother anchor but mama always tries to forgive her, mama always tries to forgive her, it was that kindness that made me melt"

Diana looked more and more at Ziyan who was still kneeling at her feet, then she told Ziyan to sit beside her. Ziyan simply complied.

"Keep the plan when you leave?"

"Lusa mah"

Diana buried her face in Ziyan's chest and hugged her son tightly, Ziyan reciprocated Diana's embrace no less tightly

"Had his lecture started that piece? You haven't graduated at school, have you?" isak Diana

"I have to adjust there first mah, right into English college I have to fluent, so I have to learn a lot first"

"What's wrong with your mommy? Why he always ruined my mom's life, he always wanted to take you"

"Maaa, it's all my decision"

Diana started crying again, Ziyan had to calm her down before it was too late

"Maaaa calm yeah, I can't be taken anyone, I belong to mama, where's mama's medicine? Mama's taking medicine, rest"

Diana then let go of her embrace and took the medicine that was next to the nightstand, Diana obeyed Ziyan saying she had to be calm, she did not want to look like a madman in front of Irfan, fortunately, Irfan was not suspicious, Ziyan gave a glass of water to his mother, Ziyan several times asked Diana to take a deep breath and after being calm enough she laid down and enveloped Diana so that she could fall asleep.~

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