THE MAFIA'S PENANCE

THE FREEDOM DESIRED

"How, Alec?" I asked when Alec called me.

It's been two days since what happened on the cruise ship. Alec has also filed my divorce suit to have me separated from Vernon. But now Vernon and I have not met again after the incident that happened to us and made us lose our child that I bear.

"I've filed your lawsuit." Answer Alec. "Vern has also been told, but it seems that this will not be easy because he insists that he will not be separated from you."

I'm quite surprised why Vernon is like that. Ah, naw. I should have known why he didn't want to be separated from me. Like what she always told me was the first reason why she married me.

Yes, I am Arthur's penance, and he intends to make my life suffer by making me his prisoner, but I think that he should not have done so.

It was not Arthur who committed the sin, but I alone caused the death of the woman he loved. If he wanted to torture me, he should have known it had happened. I've been tormented by my guilt and regret for what happened ten years ago.

Is it all lacking for him?

Sesya came to see me after she came home from Barcelona, after vacationing with one of her lovers. Seeing her presence made me a little happy because for a few days I was constantly enduring my sadness after losing my baby and regarding my decision to part with Vernon.

"Why is that Viv? Do you really want to part from her?" Sesya asked after I told her about the divorce lawsuit I filed two days ago.

"I didn't want to marry her in the first place, and I think now is my chance to be free of her." My answer is full of confidence although it is basically difficult to say it all because at this time I began to feel love for Vernon. "There was no reason for me to be with him. As for what happened ten years ago, it was all my fault that I didn't want to be with Vernon for whatever reason."

"Don't you say that before Pablo died, he said what happened ten years ago wasn't your fault?" Said Sesya who had heard everything from me, about what happened to me and about the dreams that were pieces of memory that I had forgotten.

"Why do I trust those dreams more than Pablo said. I killed that woman, I caused Olivia to become paralyzed. Even in that dream I was about to shoot someone hiding behind the bed." I remember the dream I had the other day.

"Who do you think you want to shoot, Viv?" Ask Sesya.

No answer came out of my mouth because I didn't know who was hiding it. But I could have thought that that person was Wynetta because of the possibility that I wanted that woman to die. I even asked Arthur and Vegard to kill him.

My head is hurting right now. Trying to remember all of those things always made my head feel pain because I was forcing my brain to work harder.

"You okay, Viv?" Look at Sesya with a worried face while holding my shoulder. "I'll call the doctor first."

Soon I reached for Sesya's arm to stop her from leaving, because there was something I wanted to ask from my best friend.

"See, can you take me to Vernon? I want to see how he is and tell him about my decision to part with him." My speech.

Sesya pushed the wheelchair where I was sitting to take me to Vernon's room. When I entered the room, Vernon who was sitting leaned back stared at my presence expressionlessly.

Sesya left me with Vernon after pushing my wheelchair closer to the bed where Vernon was. I could see his right leg above his knee was still wrapped in bandages due to his gunshot wound.

"How are you doing, Viv? It seems you're getting better. I'm sorry I couldn't come to see you because right now I can't walk. If only I could have walked since yesterday I would have taken you home from this place. You know that I don't like the smell of hospitals?" Vernon suddenly spoke as usual after a moment of silence enveloped the room in which we were both.

My mouth is still silent by continuing to look at him. I could see how Vernon was trying to look relaxed even though he knew the meaning of my presence meeting him at this time.

For a moment I looked at Vernon, who was also silent at me. Looking at his hazel-colored eyes made me come back like the boy I had in my dreams yesterday. The boy that I had forgotten about even though I had met him before, even I had been in love with him ever since.

I thought back to the words of the boy who wanted to marry me when I grew up, and rightly, he did, but not because he loved me but because of his revenge on me for killing the woman he loved.

That fact made me all my strength not to cry at this moment. The boy who wanted to marry me so that I wouldn't cry anymore, in fact married me to make me suffer.

"Vern, I can't look after your son until he's born." I finally started to make a sound to get things done faster. The longer I look at it, the more I want to cry.

Vernon was silent and answered nothing. I hope he doesn't say anything about the sadness of him losing the child I bear.

"As I said before, I wanted to split up after giving birth to your child, but that happened... I can't make her born." I said with all my might to endure the sadness of myself losing the baby I was carrying. "So I don't think there's any more reason to go on now. About ten years ago, I knew it was all my fault, so you wanted to make me suffer by marrying me and I think you've done it..."

My words stopped to regulate the emotions of sadness within me before saying the hardest part of everything I wanted to say to her. I squeezed the two hands I clenched so I could control myself not to cry.

"I've asked you to leave me when I love you. You can do it now because you're right... Ilove you. I love you again after forgetting that love for so long." I said without taking my eyes off of Vernon's fixed eyes. "Please set me free, Vern."

Vernon didn't answer all my words. He kept silent by looking at me. For a moment, silence enveloped the room and made me feel like the cold was piercing my skin.

"Yes, okay." Answer Vernon.

Sesya took me out of Vernon's room after I got the answer I wanted.

The only sentence Vernon said to answer all my requests made me feel relieved at this moment, though, but it is not relief that makes me happy but rather it makes me unable to hold back my sadness at this time to let my tears flow on my way back to the room.

Everything always goes the way I want. And this time I got what I wanted.

"You're right, there's nothing I can solve just by crying." Overshipped.

...–NATZSIMO–...