THE MAFIA'S PENANCE

I WANT TO DIE

I feel like everything that goes on in my life is not going well. The fact that I love someone who is not mine makes my heart so broken. I also wanted to destroy myself, to be in the hell of life that would torment me. Yeah, I don't care about my life anymore. To me, the world was destroyed when I saw Alec making love to Olivia. No, it was all ruined when a man named Vernon came into my life.

Vernon's burly body grabbed my body that already had no energy. At least I didn't move, letting Vernon do as he pleased by showering me with his kiss. In his confinement I gave myself to him.****** Vernon's lips made me unable to think anything more.

Everything Sesya said was true. I have to accept the reality of my life. I'm married to Vernon, even though I don't love him. Alec is also getting married to Olivia. There's nothing I can do but accept that.

Vernon suddenly stopped, with a sharp look looking at me. He looked at me with half his smile.

"I told you, I don't like playing with drunk women." Vernon said after that it came down from above my body. "You're really drunk."

After saying so Vernon walked out leaving myself in solitude.

My tears are spilling from Vernon. I hate myself now. In the sadness that I am currently experiencing makes me unable to think long. Even Vernon left me at the moment.

My head felt so heavy when I opened my eyes. The light in the hotel room where I spent the night made my eyes hurt like they were pierced by a knife. I rubbed my eyes to justify my vision.

Vernon had just come out of the bathroom this time using a kimono towel. I don't know if he's in this room or sleeping here, either.

Seeing her reminds me of the sadness I still feel today. Even though my drunkenness was gone, the sadness in my heart was still feeling and it was getting worse. Makes me not want to do anything right now.

I remained lying down as Vernon turned to look at me who had woken up. She laughed a little with a smirk at me. Maybe right now in his eyes I'm so fucked with my current state. I don't care what he thinks, I'm fucked.

"Wake up, we have to go back home. All my family members are now there." Vernon.

I still don't flinch. I still want to lie down and do nothing today. I don't even feel like talking either.

"You heard me, right?" Vernon looked annoyed at me.

"Vern, leave me here. Let me be alone first. Today I don't want to do anything." I finally opened my mouth to let Vernon understand.

Vernon walked over to me. His hand immediately grabbed me who was still lying helplessly. I even just stared at her flat with a tear falling from both of my eyes.

"What's wrong with you? Why do you look like you want to die?" Ask Vernon. His eyes implied a sense of annoyance to me.

"Yes, can you kill me now?" My answer made Vernon let go of his grip.

"You're crazy?"

"If there's a word that goes beyond crazy, right now that's how I feel." I said lying on my back to Vernon, who was standing by the bed.

"Whatever you say." Vernon walked up and took his clothes and was about to wear them.

"I'll leave you for a few hours, but get ready, we'll have lunch with my family." Vernon cried while wearing his clothes, a white shirt and black trousers. "Olivia's wedding plans with Alec will be discussed, you'll have to come."

Hearing her words made me shed my tears again. I don't know what's on my mind right now. I felt so empty in my mind that I decided to get out of bed.

I could feel Vernon watching me as I walked to the balcony of the room. I stood looking out at the guardrail which was only half my height. Suddenly my mind was at a dead end. I tried to climb the guardrail to end my life. I just want to die.

But Vernon pulled my body before I could do it. He grabbed me from behind so I wouldn't try to jump out of the guardrail.

"Let me do it!!" Excited with sobbing.

Vernon led me into the room and pushed me into bed in annoyance. He looked at me with a surprised expression of not believing what I was about to do earlier.

"Why did you pull me? Let me jump!!" I said with annoyance because he was blocking me who wanted to end my sadness. "I told you, I want to die!!"

"Shut up!!" Vernon was angry. "Why do you want to die? Why are you like this?"

"Because of you!! Why are you present in my life? Why are you ruining my life? Why should you take away my freedom?" I asked with a sob. Yes, this is all Vernon's fault. If only he hadn't come and asked me to be my brother's penance, my life would still have gone the way I wanted. "If you stop me from dying, then you're the one who's gone from my life!! I don't want to see you in the rest of my life!!"

Vernon was stunned to hear all my words. I who sat by the bed looked at him with all my hatred for him.

"I want to go back to what you were before you came. I want to tell you that I love her a long time ago. I love her so much, I shouldn't have married you. Your presence messes things up. It hurts me so much." I tried to hold back from saying anything to Vernon but I couldn't. I want to express my sadness to the person who broke my world to pieces. I want him to know how sad I am because of his presence. "I know you hate me so much and want to ruin my life for revenge on my brother. That's why let me die. That's fair enough isn't it?"

Vernon remained silent at hearing the outpouring of my sorrow. He just kept quiet and didn't answer me. It makes me hate him even more. I hate his existence right now.

"Go away, leave me alone. I'll make sure you don't see me again. Your revenge on my brother will be avenged by my death. I think it's worth it to avenge the death of the woman you love."

I started to go down and tried to walk back to the balcony. I want to end my life.

"I love you, Viv." Vernon.

I stopped to step in to hear Vernon. He said that to me yesterday.

Suddenly Vernon reached for my body and hugged me. It holds me very tightly.

What does all this mean?

...–NATZSIMO–...